Marriage is a gamble? Agree? Disagree?

Sometimes I feel like there's no such thing as 'compatible'

To me, it's impossible for you to meet someone who is 100% compatible with you in every expect but I believe if both parties willing to compromise it can work. Some of my married friends came up to me (they know I am single) saying it isn't as wonderful as people think. A few of them even confessed if they ever had a chance to turn back their decision, they would grab it. Sounds scary to me haha. Still, it doesn't change my view. Whether it is a gamble or no, I still wanna get married in the future :D

  • Agree that is why I plan to stay single forever!
    13% (7)32% (22)24% (29)Vote
  • Agree but I still wanna get married!
    40% (21)41% (28)41% (49)Vote
  • Disagree but choose to stay single
    8% (4)1% (1)4% (5)Vote
  • Disagree and I still wanna get married!
    39% (20)26% (17)31% (37)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

0|0
16|35

Most Helpful Guy

  • The two main reasons for divorce are over money and incompatible sex needs and desires.

    People can be unhappy in a marriage for many reasons. Often it is because they overlooked the issues when they were so much in love, then when love changes, those issues become noticeable.

    The correct approach is communication and honesty. From that you can either accept or reject, but do not try to change. Often, especially men, one does not tell the other the truth because he does not believe she can handle the truth. And usually, he is correct. When she finds out, she is pssd.

    Agree on what you will agree on, and agree on what you will not agree on and accept it.

    1|0
    0|0
    • lol overlooked the issues when they were so much in love. I get this. Just like some women/men are okay with their partner having certain habits but then their view changed over time after the love started to fade.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I really agree that marriage is a HUGE part of your life so you really should think about it a lot. The person you marry has to truly love you and want to change to become a better person for you. I know because I am married. I get hit on a few times and I tell him that I"d never cheat on him because marriage is WORK. I put so much WORK into figuring out who my husband is and what he needs to improve and I have improved to be the right person for him and vice versa. For example, my husband use to be a self righteous, arrogant, and annoying person. He use to say a lot of negative things about people and things in general, and he use to think he was always right about everything when he was wrong half or most of the time. He would make me feel stupid and him right even though he didn't know if he was right or not. I have changed him so that he would be like, I may be right but I may be wrong. And he has become MORE positive, and trying to LESS talk about negative things... like if he hates a store, he can just say no thankyou instead of that store is the worse store in the whole world... etc etc. Anyways, two people who are going to last as friends or as a marriage really need to talk about how to better communicate with one another. When that works, then your marriage/relationship slowly improves through the year. It's an investment you make in friendship. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It starts to have value, where you really can feel appreciated, loved and understood with one another. You feel you have a place to feel comforted and belong instead of judged and annoyed. Good luck.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 34

  • Everything in life is a gamble, including staying single. When you meet someone who you really like and figure you would like to spend your life with them, it is time to think some more. Look at what both of you plan on doing with your lives, individually and together. Make sure it sounds plausible.

    Realize the the honeymoon does end. Meaning that sex will get less over time. That does not mean that the magic is gone, it just means that you are returning to things that make a bigger difference in your life, such as caring for kids, career decisions, etc. The sex should not disappear, but it will change.

    You will come across things that you completely disagree about. That happens with most of us. Just agree to disagree and move on.

    No couple is "perfect" for each other. they are just one hell of a great match and make it all work.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Compatible doesn't mean an exact match. That's impossible, or near enough that it doesn't matter.

    Compatible means "within workable distance on the most important issues and willing to compromise on others."

    But, yes, it isn't like the movies - there is no "Happily Ever After" where everything goes perfectly post-wedding. There will be stresses and difficulty and pain and work - but if you chose well, there will also be love, support, and happiness too.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Well 100% is perfection and 100% perfection is not humanly possible, and so one cannot get someone who would be 100% compatible with them, however they can get high compatibility say 80% and above but less than 100%, so that's possible in that case, only few compromises would be required.

    I have never decided never to get married in my lifetime. Never!. However I don't think marriage is a gamble, I have my own reasons for never wanting to get married.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I have actually met someone who was compatible with me in every way. I couldn't imagine being with her. I broke up because it scared me to have an identical twin to me out there. I think that the places where you aren't compatible. If you work on them. One of the advantages to being in a relationship is that you see life through a second opinion. Life is pretty great on its own, but when you have a partner you have someone to add another perspective and direction to your life. Not just a singular one.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Why are you scared about being too compatible?

    • Show All
    • I can relate. Like when I have a partner once in a while I would like him to disagree with me about certain issues. Like highlight me that he has other better thoughts on it. At least I am not thinking only inside my box.

    • Yeah, if you want someone who IS you, why not just be single. Haha

  • its def a risk as people change

    but, contrary to popular belief of divorce being 51 percent, actual divorce rate according to the newest research by harvard is only 20 to 25 percent for 1st marriages and 80 percent of people are happy in marriages.

    also, learning about yourself through singlehood and dating before leading to marriage allows you to learn about yourself. this ideology has to be somewhat similar to the person you marry. must have the same ultimate goal and values or how money flows and priorities can cause serious issues

    huge part of bad match ups are due to decisions based on fear and insecurities and too much hearts desires without logic. it leads women to marry for money and men to marry for sex without having other things in place.

    people mature after 25 generally. teen moms and marriages before 24 are foolish in this time and age... in my opinion

    its a gamble when you dont think it through and you dont have good character yourself. its a risk when you make good choices but probabilities decrease and increase by how strong and intelligent the person.

    some people waster their lives cause they can't walk away with emotional attachment. its not love but the cause for major pain

    1|0
    0|0
  • No, it's not a gamble. It's a choice. That's what I've been trying to get people to understand for years.

    2|0
    0|0
    • You're right it is a choice but how would YOU make major life decisions without knowing the outcome of those important choices? That's why it's a gamble because you don't really know.

    • Show All
    • @stardust101 And that's why I say that love and marriage are a choice. Another part of the problem I see is that couples don't understand that their love WILL be subject to education, to testing through their experiences together. It's as if they expect "compatibility" to do the work for them, but they need more than that. Their love will require effort and sacrifice in addition to intimacy and tenderness. That's where choice comes in.

    • I agree. Everything we think and do is a choice. And I see where you're coming from. I suppose the reason why I stated before that marriage is a gamble is BECAUSE of the tests and trials that people don't realize they will have to endure and overcome... including what you said about couples expecting compatability to do the work for them. Most people don't want to put in the work and expect marriages to prosper, yet they wonder why marriages fail. It doesn't make sense because everything requires work. Even eating requires work because if we don't go to work, we don't eat. Just like if people don't love their spouses and show care to each other, it's going to fail.

  • Marriage is great if you are married to the right person. There are far too many unhappy marriages because 1) too many people rush into marriage with someone who is not a good match for them, and 2) people don't expect that marriage will require work and compromise and far too many of them are unwilling to work to improve their marriage.

    Take your time to make sure you are with the right person and that he is willing to work when you encounter problems. You will probably do well if you follow these precautions.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dating is a gamble. By the time you marry someone you should know if they are trustworthy or not. A lot of those people who wait for sex till marriage rush into it and marry for the wrong reasons -_-

    1|0
    0|0
    • You mean they get married to avoid them from having sex before marriage? LOL it happens a lot here. I thought it's a culture thing but it seems to relate more on the person's mentality.

    • I mean that people who want to wait, rush into marriage just to have sex and a meaningful relationship. They dont understand that you dont need to be married to have a relationship.

      Dont marry someone cause you haven't seen a person naked, marry because you love them :P

    • I get you. I know a few people who did that and plan to do so lol.

  • It is a gamble and you are taking a risk. I just don't think marriage is worth it nowadays. You can cohabit and be perfectly happy in a relationship without ever needing to tie the knot. I'm hoping to meet a woman on the same page as I'm on, most seem to hold on to that believe that true love results in that fairy tale picture perfect wedding. I think it's because we indoctrinate our daughters from the age of 5 or so to value and dream about marriage lol. 10 plus years of childhood education and dreams isn't easy to stamp out, no matter how objectively you approach the issue of legal marriage.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Fully agree on both parts! Definitely a gamble because there is no guarantee of compatibility AND people change over time, but I'd still want to do it eventually. In the meantime though, it's great to enjoy being single! :P

    1|0
    0|0
  • I agree.

    Or as people in my country would say "marriage is like watermelon" because when you buy watermelon, you can't be sure whether the inside of that watermelon is good enough or not.

    1|0
    0|0
  • From a male point of view, marriage has become far too dangerous to contemplate.
    Any form of interaction with or relationship with females has been made too dangerous. Thank the feminists.
    There is a divorce rate of about 50 per cent, 70 per cent of which are initiated by women. Divorce courts strip from a man most of his assets, then use a child-support order to turn him into the woman's impoverished slave for the rest of his life. If he is unable to pay, because the court took his business or other means of producing income, men with guns will come and drag him to the modern version of debtors' prison.
    In no other field of human endeavour would anyone consider a 50 per cent probability of utter destruction an acceptable risk.
    Where I live, a man does not even have to marry a woman for a court to take everything the he owns and hand it to a woman.
    Dating is also dangerous.
    Ask a woman on a date = sexual harassment allegation.
    Engage in consensual sex with a woman = false rape allegation, after she changes her mind the next day (or week, or month, or year).
    Believe a woman when she says that she is on the pill = a lifetime of enslavement via a child-support order.
    Or, the man can choose to not interact with women. He gets to keep his house, his business, his retirement savings and his future earnings.
    Masturbation is an imperfect solution, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.
    MGTOW

    0|0
    0|0
  • There isn't a single thing in life that isn't a gamble. But just like any other gamble, the potential benefits and drawbacks need to be considered before you roll the dice.

    1|0
    0|0
  • To me, marriage is a trap for men which women set to spring onto men who don't know any better. I'd explain why, but you'd not wanna read a novel, so I'll just say it's a trap for men and only benefits the woman.

    Deuces. By the way, I consider myself a MGTOW...

    1|0
    0|0
  • My dad told me this and i gotta agree you really have no idea what will really happen or how you may change or how things will go in a marriage. it's a roll of the dice

    1|0
    0|0
  • I still want to get married, yes. You may not be 100% compatible, but the aim is to be at least 70 or 80%.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I want an established relationship but I don't want to get married.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Gamble your savings and your dating years away. If I get married in expect to be in a relationship for at least 3 years first

    1|0
    0|0
  • Marriage is a gamble if you marry before knowing each other well enough. That's why it's better to live together before marrying.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Marriage in some places is a life decision (like a life imprisonment)
    so it has to be a wise choice

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes, but it shouldn't necessarily have to be.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Getting out of bed every day is a 'gamble'...

    What, exactly is your point?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Marriage is a gamble. However, it's a high risk high reward thing.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'd vote A but the answer is flawed because not getting married doesn't imply you have to stay single for the rest of your life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I voted A but you can be in a relationship without being married.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's a gamble for men and a lottery for women :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • In a way, everything is a gamble. Stepping outside your house is a gamble.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's definitely not a gamble.

    0|0
    0|0
  • not really a gamble if you choose not too marry legally

    0|0
    0|0
  • A prnupt fixes everything

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    4

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Girls Said 15

  • The thing is, most things are a gamble. Changing jobs? How do you know the new job will be a better fit? Have a best friend? How do you know that you two will still be BFF's in 10 years?

    There are so many things in life that are a gamble. I'm not saying marriage is for everyone, but if you have truly decided it's not for you then great :) Be happy with your choice and wear it proudly! No one needs to get married. But many still do choose to do that.

    I am a hopeless romantic, but I am also very realistic. I realize that life isn't so peachy all the time. My life hasn't been easy, I have had a lot of storms in my life so far. But they have made me a stronger person. I hope to get married someday. But I don't criticize people who don't want to get married. It's a choice either way.

    Being single can be great, but it can also suck. It really comes down to living your life the way you want and not allowing other people's choices and experiences to dictate how your life should be.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Marriage is only a gamble if you allow it to be. True love is consistently making the choice to love, even after things turn sour. If someone doesn't take the time to properly asses who they're dating and whether or not they would be happy with them over a lifetime then their marital problems are the result of theirs and their partner's choices. Love is not a feeling, it is a decision. It is an action and is proven through sacrifice, emotional intimacy and commitment. Someone who marries over fleeting passion is making a foolish decision.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's a gamble, but most times that's because people rush into it and don't really get to know the people they are marrying. Also, no one wants to work things out anymore.

    1|0
    0|0
  • We only have one life and we will not live forever. Finding the right partner does not guarantee that he he/she will never cheat or hurt them. No matter how much we get to know a person we can neve truly know everything about them. Some people who are married live double lives

    There are no guarantees in finding true love. And even if a person finds true love, there is no guarantee that the person will not waste most of their lives of the person only to find out at the last minute before their live ends of old age, that their partner did not care about them to begin with

    1|0
    0|0
  • I agree that it's definitely a gamble but so is any other relationship, and I do wanna get married.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Marriage is a gamble but so is every major life decision. You will never truly know what it will be like if you don't take risks. Marriage is not something I take lightly though.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Me either. Sometimes it makes me think if I could really work it out.

    • It's not about YOU working it out, it's about the two of you working it out TOGETHER. That's what a marriage is, it's about partnership. You two are a team and will stand together and fight together and protect each other. 😊

  • Everything you do is a gamble. There are no guarantees in life. Embrace the chaos, my love.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes, but every decision we make is a gamble. We can't let that stop us.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Marriage is not a gamble. At least it shouldn't be. You should only marry someone who loves you and you love him too. Not because someone (parents) tell you that he will keep you happy.

    Of course relationships are based on compromises, but don't let anyone choose what compromises you should make.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I believe LIFE is a gamble lol

    1|0
    0|0
  • You aren't going to be an exact match with anyone. There will be differences between the two of you and some opposites.
    A relationship is more than what people have in common.
    Its about understanding and supporting one another.

    I don't think it's a gamble. Its a lifelong choice and commitment.
    You don't have to get married, you chose to. So you get to chose the person you're marrying.
    It's work and dedication, but, if you truly love that person and the feeling is mutual it shouldn't be hard. And it's totally worth it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i dont see myself getting married. i dont exactly have any models of what a good marriage looks like lol i think i might do the single mom thing, but ill probably end up getting married. just statistically speaking. im pretty sure im gonna accomplish all my life goals first tho. i dont settle

    0|0
    0|0
  • For someone unintelligent who doesn't know what the he/she is and what he/she wants in life every move is a gamble in life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Life is a gamble and marriage is part of life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm married, and yes marriage can be tough. You're living with someone whom you love but someone you share your life with and they're sharing their lives with you. Opinions clash and arguments ensue. Of course there are many amazing things about it too! Like having someone there to talk to and sharing experiences with. And I agree, you can't be 100% compatible, in fact, I preferred my spouse to be different than me, but not too different.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Yeah like the dude below says he finds it to be weird if his spouse never have different views than him. It's like another twin of me haha.

    • Exactly, you don't want someone who is exactly like you. There has to be some differences

Loading...