How do we know that we're ready for marriage?

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. I leave for a 7 month cruise in September. He says I'll have a ring waiting for me when I get back. I want to marry him. I think about it every day and imagine myself with his last name, but I'm not as secure as most married women I meet. Does that just come with time? I don't want to make the rest of our lives miserable with my stupid insecurities. Should I wait for them to go away before even thinking about marriage?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I believe that you will never get over ALL of your insecurities, and if you wait too, then you will never get anything done in life.

    I don't think that marriage (or having a solid relationship) means that you walk on clouds all the time, or that you always think about them, or that you don't have any doubts. I think you know you are with the one you should be with when, you get in a fight, or you think about getting in a fight, and you are sure that you are willing to take that step through to work it out, rather then letting things fall apart.

    I would say if you are willing to do that for this guy, and he is willing to do it for you, then you have something solid, and you should spend the rest of your lives working though each of your doubts together.

    Best wishes.

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    • It's funny that you say that, because we never fight. We may get mad or annoyed every now and then but it goes away. There was one time I woke up to a not-so-pleasant surprise and as mad as I was, a thought crossed my mind that I've never had towards anyone before. That thought was,"Well I'm not gonna break up with him for this, so I may as well get over it." Thank you!

What Guys Said 3

  • You might be feeling insecure because you know you'll be away for seven months. Transition periods often make us think differently when confronted with permanent ideas. "I know this thing may be good for me, but I'm in the process of doing something else."

    I'm sure once you get back and settle back in, things will work out. Just tell him you want to wait for a little while after you get back, to give you time to settle back into the relationship. The good thing is you will have email access while gone, so you won't be out of touch so much.

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    • That's true I've been doubting myself a lot lately and I think this deployment has a lot to do with it. Thank you!

  • Hey there,

    You're still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship and that's great, but it doesn't mean that you're ready for marriage. If you want something that might be helpful than go to Oprah's online sight (I hate that woman:) and search "20 questions before marriage".

    They're questions that every couple should have answers to before getting married. Do it together. You may find that you have similar views or that you don't. But the questions deal with issues that cause major problems in a marriage if they're not re mediated and the couple is in agreement.

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    • Thank you, I don't know why but I couldn't stop laughing when I read that you hate Oprah. I will give the questions on her site a shot though.

    • LOL. I constantly get from my girlfriend, "well, Oprah said......" so I try to keep abreast of what's happening. I just can't stand how she is able to turn a nobody author into a bestseller by adding him/her to her book club. I so hate her:)

  • one thing you should realize is marriage won't change a guys ability to cheat. if he was going to cheat before marriage he probobly will after. but there is a way to prevent a guy from cheating if he was pre destined to do so. by doing romantic stuff with aguy. bonding with him, holding hands and watching a sunset. makimg him cookies, snugglimg with him and watching aromantic movie. you do these things and you can turn a cheater into a non cheater. remember if a guy fels warm and toasty around you and can't get his mind off you he will not cheat! drop a clover or flower in his pocket, write him love letters. and express your feelings to him. you do all this and that guy is yours and no one elses. just make sure its real and from the heart. telling him exactly how much you love him. you would be amazed at how much of a turn on it is to hear a girl say that. and we will return the favor. :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • hey, how are u? long time no talk lol.ok I maybe not be that big experienced in the fiance department but I do know when a woman - any woman for that matter is insecure about something then she's definitely not ready to be committed yet to anyone.ok it goes both ways but if you feel the way that you feel then your not ready! You did mention that your leaving for a 7 month cruise so you have time to think over to what you really want to do and to what your heart truly desires! Here's a helpful advice maybe you've heard of it but I have a friend who always tells me to close my eyes and truly look deep within my heart - what do you feel? And then that will be the answer to your question! Hope this helped - good luck!

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    • Well I agree with you for the most part, but although I'm insecure, I've been very committed to him. So I don't think it's the commitment that I'm not ready for. I think it's the mental and emotional aspect of marriage that I'm unsure about. I hope I can figure everything out on cruise. Thank you and it was nice hearing from you!

    • Your welcome - good luck and be careful!

  • I think your insecurities are natural. I also think that it being just over a year isn't a lot of time to help ease those insecurities. Although, if you all can last through a 7 month cruise, then I think that says a lot about your relationship.

    For me, I was with my fiance for 3 years before he proposed and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he is the right guy for me. I think we had just the right amount of time to get to know one another in and out. It will be five years by the time we get married.

    In short, yes, the comfort and insecurities will go away with time. Just focus on keeping the relationship strong while you are gone and then worry about an engagement when you come back. Good luck.

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