We have been together 2 and a half years, 3 in September. We live together, have a child together, have a car in both our names, things are serious. He hasn't asked me to marry him yet. He has talked of wanting to marry me, but has not made any attempt to. I mean why buy the cow when he gets the milk for free I guess, who knows. He was in a relationship with his ex wife for 15 years, took him 13 or 14 to even ask her, and they were only married for a year or less then they finally divorced. He thought things would get better for them if he purposed. They didn't, obviously. What are your thoughts on why he hasn't asked? I know people who have been in relaionships a lot less time than I and are already married. He even refers to me as his wife at times when speaking to other people... I don't get it? I feel like he is just playing house.
Most Helpful Guy
Even people who have never been married can have a negative view of the institution, how much more so for someone who has been divorced.
There are very few activities that we engage in on a daily basis for which being married matters. What do I mean? Other than trying to visit him if he were sick in the hospital, or make medical decisions for him, or inherit his assets if he were to die, or for tax purposes, how would being married change your relationship day-to-day? If one doesn't face some compelling reason to do something, and it brings few benefits, why do it?0
Most Helpful Girl
You don't stick around with someone for three years and call it playing house. Why do you need to get married? Why do you need a ring and a name change- does it give the relationship and the things you have together more legitimacy? True, you would receive some legal benefits from marriage, but maybe he's worried about the legal problems?
He was in a fifteen year relationship with his ex-wife. He really seemed to think that it would work (because you don't stick with someone that long and consider it "just dating") and it didn't. And now he's divorced and he's happy with you and you guys have a good life from what I hear. It sounds like the bottom dropped out on his last relationship when they finally moved on into the final Giant Monogamous Commitment.
It seems like, for him, the idea of modern marriage is tied to the idea of desperation and pleading instead of love.
If you wanted, you could slowly start feeling out whether or not he would actually be okay with the idea of marriage. You start saving up some money, and then you go propose to him. Let him know that you want to be there with him for the long run. Let him know that you don't want to run away and that you are ready to let the whole world know that you two are on the same team.
Just a thought, though!0