Who gets to plan the wedding? Overbearing mother in law. Please see details?

I'm planning on getting married if all goes well in September. My fiances mother has been getting involved. She wants to help pick out the hall, etc. i suggested a place in my hometown but she keeps texting me places around where she still lives and my fiance grew up. My parents are ethnic so I wanted to have a cultural wedding. I talked to her over the weekend and told her all I really need from her is a list of people I would invite and that I would keep her in the loop if I come up with any plans. I haven't put she has been texting me ideas.

on top of it she wants to throw me a bridal shower. I agreed because I felt like there was a lot of pressure for me to say yes, but the reason she wants to have it is because her friends take turns throwing showers for each others daughters. I don't really know ber friends at all so the shower is going to consist of all her friends. I'm sure my mother won't feel comfortable going (I told my future in law this) and I thought it was the woman's family who did the bridal shower.

me and my fiance wanted to pay for the wedding but my future mother in law said she insists she pays for a good chunk of it and that it is not up for compromise. So I feel if she will be paying for a lot of it she automatically gets a say in the wedding. I don't want a big wedding and the place I want to have it at is nice but is $25 a plate. She said the food probably won't be good if it's only that muchand she was looking at places that are about $75/plate.

Maybe I grew up differently but I always thought the wedding was something the bride got to plan like at least picking the location.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You and you fiancee need to put your foot down on this. It won't work going up against her alone, you need his support. You need to tell her that her ideas are being taken into consideration but that the wedding is for you and him.

    Re: the bridal shower it IS actually the groom's mother who should do it, or someone not related to the bride iirc.

    That being said, I think a good compromise will be to let her contribute to the cost of the whole thing and pick the food, $25-$75 per head is a huge difference in quality and everybody benefits from better food, plus it will pacify her somewhat. If you like the venue, perhaps you can get higher quality outside catering to come in?

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    • The thing is I want to have an ethnic wedding. The food quality is good. The reason it is not that expensive is because I do not want alcohol at the wedding. The quality of food is not an issue. My fiance and I have both eaten there and he agrees to have the wedding there. The other banquet halls are generic and although much more expensive not as fancy.

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    • Thanks, i hope you get it resolved somehow.

    • Thanks... I did sort of get it resolved I guess. My fiance and I decided to maybe postpone the wedding for another couple years... hopefully we will be together still.

What Guys Said 2

  • It's your wedding kiddo, it's all about you. You should be the one who decides what your dream wedding consist of, she had her wedding I'm assuming so she should understand how you feel. I'd look at a few of her suggestions but ultimately its your day not hers.

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    • Thanks, that's what I thought... or at least have heard is that the wedding is what the bride wants. My fiance told me I can do whatever I want... so he hasn't been the one butting in.

  • Tell her it's my wedding where doing it my way and if you don't shut up sit down or she won't be invited

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What Girls Said 2

  • Tell her that you don't want to feel like you owed her something in the end and you'll feel much more comfortable paying for it yourself to do things how you'd like if you don't say it now your weeding is not going to be your weeding it's going to be hers and pull hate it

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    • I told her that I really want to pay for it several times, I tried to be as nice as possible because I don't want to start anything, but she disregarded it and told I can plan it but she wants to help pay. But yet she is still trying to plan it. I don't think she understands that there is a cultural difference between her family and my family. This is one of the main reasons I didn't want to get married... dealing with in laws. I get that it's her first son, but geez, she just planned a 100 person graduation party for him last year when he graduated medical school. And just about all the people there were her friends and family. I was thinking of having my fiancĂ© talk to her again.

    • Yeah that's the next best thing making him talk to her again and maybe saying that your getting uncomfortable with the fact that everyone is throwing you ideas everywhere and you kind of just want to do it on your own

  • you should be planning this. Tell her to back off

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    • Thanks for the opinion. I wasn't sure if I was wrong in thinking this. What do you think about her throwing me a wedding shower - but she's just basically inviting all of her friends. She told me I could invite whoever I wanted of course, but I don't have anyone to invite because my family is going to be uncomfortable and my friends all live out of state.

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    • Thanks... that's what I was planning on doing. It seems like it's more of a shower for her and not for me seeing as though it's just going to be all of her friends I don't even really know.

    • At the end of the day you'll likely get presents so I'd just let it happen :p

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