When is it time to expect a ring?

We have been together for 3.5 years and we talk about getting married. We have lived together for almost a year now. He says that he wants to wait a while, but when can I expect to have him propose? Is there some magic amount of years that guys wait till they decide to pop the big one?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No, usually not. Men tend to propose to a woman on a special date. Such as the day you two met, or the date of your first kiss or something of that sort. Numbers of proposals also go up around holidays, especially Christmas and New Years. A man may also just propose when you least expect it. Like putting the ring in your wine glass on a date, or just asking you in plain daylight. If you know he loves you, be patient, that is if you love him back, which I can see you do. Good Luck, and I hope you have a good wedding! :)

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What Guys Said 6

  • 3.5 years is a lot. I wanted to ask my wife on the first date. She made me wait 1 year before asking her. I asked within a week of that year, ring in hand, wedding bands made. There is no magical time period. When a man wants to ask, he jumps through flaming hoops to get it done.

    There could be any number of reasons:

    1. Afraid to commit to you but wants to marry you (fear of commitment)

    2. Feels safe with you but doesn't want to marry you (complacent)

    3. Has no intention of ever marrying you

    4. Wants to marry you but feels you are both not ready (could be financial or other cause)

    After 3.5 years and having talked about marriage I would say time is up. Do not give an ultimatum as that will make the situation worse by making him feel obliged, but honestly, it should have happened by now.

    Talk to him more, if you feel that he is not going to do it any time soon or ever, move on.

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    • Wow " should have happened by now", for real? why do you say that?

    • Honestly I believe that when a man wants to marry a woman, come hell or high water nothing will stop him.The only waiting will be decided on by both of them. 3.5 years is a long time. The two of you have talked about it already and nothing has happened. When can you expect him to ask? You can expect him to ask any day of the week, the real question you want to know is will he ask you, financial excuses aside, do YOU think he will?

    • Yes, I do...I just don't know when, hence my question.

  • Considering you spent 3.5 years with him, you should have already known what you were getting yourself into. Only you know him better than us, so your question is confusing. If you didn't find out how he feels about marriage along those almost four years, I really don't know what to say to that. Maybe he really is is slow. But for the most part, and a slight positive note, he's still with you.

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  • No offence but do you know how much an engagement ring costs, then the cost of a wedding, its a bloody lot, he's probably saving up, with the recession that's going on how its hard to scrap money for a wedding

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    • 2 things...1. he's not going to be paying for an entire wedding. 2. why would saying that it costs money be offensive?

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    • Ok. now that I find offensive. not all women want an expensive and elaborate wedding or even an expensive ring.

    • Yeah...I think that I know how much money my boyfriend has and I don't have any crazy expectations. So, I am a bit offended.

  • I have a friend in the same situation as you except it's been 5 years now and I'm kind of wondering why the heck he hasn't asked her yet.

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  • He might propose to you at the moment you least expect it, or on a special day, say like, b-day, anniversary, X-mas-but I think he'll do it when he knows that he is ready indeed to ask you to marry him-

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  • Nope no statute of limitations on marriage proposals unfortunalty... that would be to easy. He has to make the decision, when he is ready or you can try an push him into making a decision, ummm you are living in a defacto marriage right now, some of the same legal rights and benefits exist, etc.

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What Girls Said 6

  • First, I would start by saying congratulations on staying together for 3.5 years! It may seem like a long time, but it's just the beginning of your long journey together. :)

    Let me share something with you. When I got married before, we had living together for less than a year. I had met all of his family of course, even his father who was in Hawaii at that time. We visited him there. It seemed like we were comfortable with each other, and I was just starting to wonder about the proposal. In my case, we had never really talked about it although we'd attended few of his friends' weddings together. I could see that he was not opposed to the idea of marriage.

    Then there was one Christmas morning. We were at the house we lived together, and he proposed to me with the most beautiful ring I ever had. I had never guessed it cause he had hidden everything from me very well. I have tears to my eyes as I type this.

    Anyway, since you have already talked about it, I am sure it will be on one of those days, your anniversary, birthday, or x-mas, even new year, valentine's day.. etc.

    So I would say the marriaage proposal can arrive anytime from less than 1 year of dating on the shorter end, to 5-6 years on the longer end. There really isn't a set time frame as to when the guy feels is the right time to propose.

    Anyway, good luck and not to worry!

    Rachel

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  • I'm in the same situation as you, except its been 8 years and we've lived together for 4. Granted we did start dating at the age of 17 so we had some growing up to do. We talk about getting married all the time and even have planned our entire wedding down to how we're doing the table numbers/names, so we know its goign to happen but we're just not financially there. We actually have a bigger goal of buying a house which is putting it all on hold too. Weddings are a lot of work and a big financial responsibility that he may not be ready to face yet. I would just sit and hold tight, especially if you know that this is it. I know its hard to wait since you're anxious and clearly want to get the ball rolling (you're getting that relationship limbo feeling) but don't pressure him and don't give any ultimatums, I did both (due to some lousy advice from friends) and it almost cost me my relationship. Pushing him will push him further away. Just let it happen, it will!

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  • Unless you want to pop the question yourself because you are so eager to be wed to this guy, you are going to have to wait on his terms and time line. Maybe he just simply isn't ready yet. He could want to work out some other aspects of his life before he is ready to settle down and be a good supportive husband to you. All in all it sounds like you do have a good thing going here. If you really are tired of waiting pop the question yourself. The guy doesn't have to be the one to ask the big question anymore.

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  • i don't thinks so. He will ask you when he is ready. Because of the economy, (and I'm not saying that this is the reason why he has not proposed yet) he is probably waiting until both of you are financially secure. That there is no risk that either of you will loose your job or something of that nature. Like others have said, men do tend to propose on a special date. so it could be the date on which you kissed, met, first date...etc. but then again, maybe he doesn't remember that.

    If you feel like you have waited long enough, then have a talk with him. but whatever you do, don't presure him, that could make things worse. If he says that he wants to be together but does not want to marry you, then well, that's a decision only you can make

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  • Just FYI, you're allowed to propose too..

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  • Well maybe he wants to suprise you, I know my hubby kept saying he didn't want to get married ever and well we have been engaged for almost 4 years (short dating period before then but longggggg engagment.)

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    • How long did you date before he proposed?

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    • Do you have a date picked? why such a long engagement?

    • The long engagment would be due to pregnancy, we had planned on being married aug of 07 but I had my daughter instead, then there was a family illness, then on the 3rd date we set his sister had an emergency that ended up being she needed to go grocery shopping, the 4th date we canceled because I wasn't sure I wanted to be in his family and right now he's not ready to set another date, so he has until october 5th 2011 to be married to me or I'm gone, 5 years is enough time wasted

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