My boyfriend keeps bringing up marriage, but I'm not ready for that yet. What do I do?

We've been officially together for about 6 months. The past couple months he keeps bringing up marriage.

First he started by telling me that he dreams about getting married to me, and what a good wife I will be to him someday. I told him I'm not ready to talk about marriage yet. And he said he understood. That was a couple months ago, then a few weeks later we were chatting about places that we enjoy traveling and he said "Well, we can have a beach wedding or a disney wedding" Again I said I'm not ready to talk about that. A couple days later we were having lunch together and he said "What a great mom I think you're going to be, and a great wife to me"

Last night he told me "I know you said your not ready to get married and I'm fine with that. But if you feel you really want to get married to me, let me know"

He keeps bringing up marriage and it feels so awkward to talk about this and I don't picture myself getting married anytime soon and I don't know what to do.

Updates:
I don't know how to explain it, he and I work at the same grocery store, when I first started working there, he and I became quick friends. About 5 months into knowing each other, he started flirting. With things like "Oh, so and so thinks you and I should go out." or telling my mother "You're daughter is beautiful" and always trying to make me laugh or help. Me. He finally said "How about going out with me?" i agreed and we went on a date. But I was feeling awkward, and shy. -c-
-c- I had gotten ito a bad relationship in the past and didn't want to risk getting into another one, so I didn't pursue it anymore, however he kept it. And we spent a little more time together. Last Dec (2 yrs) he finally told me how he felt and understood I needed time, and was there for me if I ever needed anything. In Jan he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. In march is when he started bringing up marriage.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow. You really need to break up with him. He sounds EXTREMELY desperate. Don't get me wrong, you sound like you have a few issues of your own, but clearly he is way too need and desperate and not boyfriend or husband material for anyone.

    He dated you for two years before you were exclusive? That's pathetic. It takes 2, maybe 3 months tops for a woman to start really falling in love with a man and to want to be exclusive with him. If a woman doesn't want to be exclusive with you by then she's just not that interested and you need to start dating other people. I guess you didn't say that he wasn't dating other people before you were exclusive, but from the way you describe him it sounds like it wasn't. I know because I've been that guy too.

    I don't blame him for wanted to get married, in his mind you guys have been dating for around ~2.5 years. That's a long time to date. But at the same time he needs to recognize that you aren't and probably never will want to marry him. If you did, it would have already happened. He should have stop dating you a long time ago because you obviously aren't interested in him.

    You both need to move on and date other people.

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    • Everytime I try to bring conversations like this up. He starts "You don't want me anymore!" or "Please I love you so much. I'm crying right now" and I back down because I feel bad.

    • And I did like him very much at the beginning, but all this talk of wanting to get married has scared me, and I just want to run. Yes, I have trust issues, I admit it, and I have low self esteem, I should seek counseling, but I don't know if talking to a person is going to fix my issues. I don't know if he was dating others than. I used to tease him everytime he flirted with me, I'd tell him he better stop or his girlfriend will be mad and he always said "I don't have a girlfriend yet"

      But I have tried bringing up breaking up and he always talks me out of it. At this point, I don't want to date again, because I don't want to end up hurting people or getting hurt, and I don't want to be in this same situation. I don't want to get married. I know nothing of raising families, doing budgets, cooking or cleaning or anything a wife does.

    • You don't need to feel bad, dating is not a commitment. The purpose of dating is to find out if the person is right for you. You found out he's not, so you break up. Staying together just leads him on and hurts you both. You can't find the right person if you keep dating the wrong person.

      Trust and low self-esteem issues are tough, I know because I used to be that way. Talking to someone will definitely help assuming they know what they're doing. It's a long process, but the first thing you should do is write down who you want to be, everything from life goals to personality traits. If you try to be who other people want you to be you will never be happy.

      Once you know who you want to be, then you start becoming that person and meeting other people who like you for who you are. Gradually, as you spend time with people who like you for who you are, you self-esteem will grow and you will stop caring what strangers think.

What Guys Said 14

  • You simply tell him how you feel. It's not that complicated. Yes, it might mean that you break up, but this is a BIG DEAL and if it means you aren't compatible, then it's better to know that now.

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  • Lol... he's winding you up real good. 6 months and talking marriage already? either you are one hell of a woman, or there's an agenda here.

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    • Well "Officially boyfriend and girlfriend" for 6 months, but we were casually dating for a couple years, because I wasn't ready for a relationship, I had just gotten out of a bad one. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he had loved me for a while and was waiting for me to come around. lol

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    • What was your first thought? Just curious and what's your new thought? Sorry about that, I didn't know how to explain it any better.

    • well in my experience, when a guy starts bringing up a serious topic like marriage or future etc, after only a short while of dating, its usually just to let the girl let down her guard.. dont get me wrong, it works too...
      but if it was just dating and he lasted two years and he waited the entire time, if you guys have had sex during this time, then the only thing left on the agenda pertains to the biological clock.

  • Talking about marriage doesn't mean he's ready to propose... I'm pretty sure a lot of people try to envision their marriage with who they're dating at the moment.

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  • Why do people date people they're only casually with, sometimes avoiding sex and sometimes avoiding the idea of long-term commitment?

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    • When we first met, I was't sure if he was really interested in me or not. There were plenty of other girls around, why me is what I thought. I thought maybe I was misreading his intentions, so I only went out every now and then and didn't consider it a date

  • Tell him he needs to stop talking about marriage or consider this relationship over.

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    • Why would you suggest for her to crush his hopes like that?

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    • Exactly! After only a very short time, there's really no way a person can know that early in a relationship (that the person is THE one).

    • Some people just know. Just like the example I gave.

  • 1) wait
    2) be proposed
    3) say no
    4) keep living life

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  • I would dump this guy. Too fast too much too soon too stupid. Obviously I don't know him well enough to make a diagnosis but something is wrong and it's mental

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  • Sorry, but if he wants to get married then you have to marry him.

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  • Hopefully he will just leave it to you now to tell/hint to him if you want to get married. It sounds like he might do that from what you said he said last night

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  • If you're not completely head over heals in love with this guy, do him a favor and dump him. Let him go find someone that will love him back. You're not helping either of you.

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    • Its not that I don't love him, but the idea of being married scares the hell out of me. I have no idea how to raise children, I don't think I'd be a good mother.

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    • That's my point, I don't want to rush into anything. Maybe in a year I might feel differently, but I'm just now really opening up to him. I try to talk to him about it, but he doesn't comprehend and says something completely opposite of what I said.

    • Then it's not a good match. It's not uncommon for people, men or women, to just not hear the other - they dwell in their own emotional realm. People tend to not really fall in love with another, but with an idea of what they think is the other. Their own dreamworld. Your guy isn't really listening to you. Too much talk and not enough action.
      If you're having sex with him consider reevaluating where you're going with the relationship. Consider dating others. You're not bound to this one in anyway. And don't move in together, it's way hard to make things work in the long run. Just date if you like. Wait for your emotions to catch up.

  • talk to him honestly ask him to slow up a little, that you are interested in an ongoing relationship but have had bad relationships so to give you time.

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  • Tell him!

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  • Dump him. Way to desperate. Fuck marriage.

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  • halt the marriage. take some time. and cheers!!

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What Girls Said 6

  • You don't have to do anything. You've made your stance clear, if you want him to stop talking about it, you can tell him that. However, I wouldn't take what he says as pressure to get married, maybe he's just excited and he likes thinking about your future together.

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    • That may be. I'm just scared is all, the last guy I was with ended up just using me and I'm just scared it will happen again.

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    • @xxrockmexx Thanks for the advice =)
      I just have a hard time picturing myself being a wife and mother (don't get me wrong I adore kids, I just don't know anything about raising one) the thought of being married scares me LOL

    • It should! Marriage and kids and big life commitments and they are scary things. But scary doesn't mean bad. No one really has experience going into it the first time, but that's what your partner is for. You figure it out together.

  • It seems as though that even with Pounding this Into his "Dead Head," here, dear, He... Keeps bringing up marriage...
    Next time he Brings up and Broaches this Sore Subject, ask him to Leave, that You have a Headache... Maybe with Enough Tough Love that Proves you have had Enough, he will then stfu.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thanks! Its just I'm scared. I had bad relationship in the past and this is the first guy I think I actually LOVE, rather than LIKE and its a bit overwhelming.

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    • thanks, i am going to do the same when my girlfriend starts hinting at marriage. see if she is gonna like it.

    • @anonman32 Great then, and Best of luck. xxoo

  • Same with me. He talked about marriage kind of right away. I was married to him six months after dating.

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  • Wow, you were only dating three months and he started talking about marriage? I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable! That seems too soon for me too.

    I think you need to have a conversation with him about it again. If he can't respect that you're nowhere near ready for marriage and that talking about it or dropping hints makes you uncomfortable, maybe this isn't a relationship you should be in. I don't think that you should just dump him right off, but of he continues to pressure you at this early stage, he will continue to do so throughout your entire relationship.

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  • He could be in love with you or be infatuated with you. He doesn't seemed obsessed with you and the idea of having you as his wife and mother to his children, but possibly likes the idea of that. I think you should wait until you believe you could see a future with this guy, if you don't see one try not to hesitate to tell him how you feel.

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    • That's how it started. He took me to the side one night and said "I have something important to tell you... I'm in love with you." At the time we were only dating a short time, but had worked together for a couple of years, he caught me off guard. He keeps telling me how much he's in love with me, and that scares me a bit too! no one ever told me they were "in love" with me, my ex would say I love you, but we were in our last year of high school. so n"

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    • Self esteem issues. I know I have a problem with that and I know I should probably seek counseling, but I've tried that in the past and it didn't work. He told me has thought about getting me a ring, but doesn't want to pressure me, yet, every few months or so he brings it up again.

    • Just do what you want to, it's the only way when it comes to things like marriage. If you do happen to say yes, you still have quite a long while before you actually get married so if you feel like you are making the wrong choice you can back out of it without ever having to deal with messy divorce papers. But do what you think is right.

  • Aw, he seems so sweet. Why don't you want to think about getting married?

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