What are your thoughts about arranged marriages?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In some cultures it is expected and may work for both of them. but in most cases, I think there are problems that creates that are never overcome. But also, in those cultures, the woman is not usually allowed to divorce the man. So she must live the rest of life as basically a slave.

    Of course, not all marriages that come about by "falling in live" work out well. But the chances of happiness later are much higher.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents had an arranged marriage. They are happy. They met 3-4 times before getting married.
    I don't think modern way of arranged marriage is wrong.

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What Guys Said 38

  • Arranged marriage is absolutely hypocritical. I mean, I don't even understand how parents can be so hypocritical to their own children. To me it's something out of dark ages. In my opinion, only absolutely terrible parents that come from some really fucked up culture exercise something like this.

    Free will exists for a reason. Putting 2 people together (arguably) against their own will is a terrible decision. You basically chain one person to another with very little regard of what they have to say. What if they don't like each other? What if one is a sociopath/psycho? Why not give a choice to begin with?

    Such parents should be stripped of their rights to have children. And such activities should not exist at this day and age.

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    • your right i agree with u but -.- my parents have done everything for me and this is all they asked for in return for me to marry someone by their choice

    • So what? Following this logic your school teacher may pick your future career for you without asking your opinion, because hey, he taught you!

      Parents take responsibility for a child, because a child had no say whatsoever whether he wanted to be born or not to begin with. There are some things where a parent makes a choice for a child (such as name; even then, it can be changed legally later if a child wants to), however, it shouldn't be allowed for them to enforce some kind of tyranny.

      When a child is grown up, he can and SHOULD make his own decisions, not what his parents want him to, especially when it comes down to selecting partners. If parents disagree, they are hypocrites that do not deserve to be parents.

  • Absolutely bat shit. Having someone arrange your life for you. Becoming a slave to someone else's plans instead of living your own dream.
    Love who you want.
    Fuck who you want. (consensual , inb4 triggered)
    Live the life you want.
    That's the way to do it.

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    • I don't really have the freedom to marry whoever I want even if I'm living in USA lol our family one dose arranged marriages in our family the guys work while the women's stays home the father dose everything for his kids in return the parents wants their daughters to marry someone by their choice

    • Every new dawn starts with a revolution :P

  • arranged no, but parents pick some people whom you interview and make a choice to select one of or none is ok.

    some of them seem to work, some are terrible.

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    • Well as far as i know arranged marriages last longer then love marriages why do u think da is?

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    • Marriage is a big deal. If the treats you great, maybe that's ok and you jus tdon't see it. But I know an Indian girl who divorced after 16yrs (2-3 of them actually)... thats a long time to be in misery.

    • Yeah well I hope my one doesn't end badly -.-

  • well, an arranged marriage sounds more 'political' than anything else. So, I can see how it could be understood, upfront, that the marriage was considered "open." I mean, it's not like either party could back out of it, so there wouldn't be any real hangups. Like "we'll do the ceremony, sign the papers, have a little sex, then never see each other again. Our parents can reap whatever benefits our union brings them, and we can live happily in other people's arms."

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    • Yep.

      I may go to hell for this, but, I don't see ANYTHING wrong with "cheating" on an arranged marriage.
      Nothing wrong at all.

      I can't even bring myself to write it without the quote marks around it.

  • I guess that for most European and North American people it's weird... we're used to freedom to pick our partner based on whom we feel "a click" with.
    But in some cultures it's normal and I guess their attitude towards marriage is probably different. It could feel more like "a job" but your employer is your family who determine who you need to live with.
    It would be interesting if people from such culture could comment on their experiences :D

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    • for sum of us we dont have a choice but to do it das whats happening in my case my parents did asked me but its still an arranged marriage -.- so i was wondering if its possible for me to fall in love with someone da my parents choosed...

    • It will depend on the person I guess, but I'm afraid the chances are limited since you don't have an opportunity to choose... it's him or him :-(

  • Arranged marriages happen a lot in my culture. I've seen them happen during my lifetime and I think they're horrible. Marriage is too serious to play around with. It should be the decision of the people getting married, they're going to have to be with eachother everyday, not the selfish person who is arranging it.

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    • You should also know da many daughters don't have the guts to say no to their parents -.- like me lol

  • They worked for a REALLY long time.

    As soon as women got the entirety of say in who they would be married to, western society started going to shit. Could be coincidence, could be connected. Either way, I really don't care, because it's not my problem.

    My main objection to arranged marriage is, it's marriage. ALL marriage, straight or gay, arranged or free, should be abolished.

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  • no thanks, it seems like feudalism where the aristocrats make alliances between families by marriage.

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    • yeah lol arranged marriages bring two families together how is da bad? lol

    • lets say i am a rich land owner and i am going to rebel against the king because i want the throne, the scepter and the crown. so i will marry my daughters and sons of strategically to other families who are on the same page with me. then together we rebel against the king we take over his palace and annex all his land. then all my sons and daughters are forced to marry for my selfish gains. how is is this good?

  • I think they undermine the authority of people to decide their own lives, which in this day and age is kinda sad

    People don't even have the luxury of agency for their own future

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  • It's probably a bad idea. especially nowadays. our cultures in most parts of the world are intertwined and want the same freedoms as everybody else.

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    • Yeah I want the freedom to choose for myself but the thing is my dad has done everything for me and this is all he was in return...

  • Terrible idea.

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  • Ethically questionable. I know where they originally came from, but its not the time anymore for this practice.

    Parents setting up potential partners and having them meet and see if they get along? Sure, no biggie.
    Parents deciding? No go.

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  • I think marriage should be by choice and own free will. After all you should be marrying your soul mate, and plan to spend it together for the rest of your lives

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  • I think they're a terrible idea. I hate to think who my parents would have selected for me if our culture was like that; the girls they've suggested I ask out over the years are definitely not people I would go out with, let alone marry.

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  • if your parents want to arrange your marriage, That is horrific,
    Just because they raised you doesn't mean they can force you into a loveless marriage.
    Tell them no.
    Marriage should be about love, Arranged marriage is a business arrangement

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    • Even if I said no to this one nothing will change love marraiges are not allowed in my family :/ the only way it's possible is if I left home work for myself get my own place..-.- which is a lot of work lol plus onces I leave home my parents will never let me come back they will cut all ties with me -.-

    • Do you want to spend your life miserable or do you want to be happy

  • Tbh i kinda like arranged marriage. I'm charming enough to charm a girl but still I'm still single and virgin.. right at 19 I'm virgin some may find it funny... Anyways maybe I'm jus too shy to talk to girls. Even if they do i couldn't. So for me love marriage is out of my league. So i would like to prefer arranged marriage. Of course checking bfore opening a packet is required... Lolzzz

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    • yeah arranged marriages are interesting lol

    • And arranged marriage is done by people who are ready to face challenges of understanding and dealing with what is gonna come... If u know what I mean...

  • I disagree on them , although if the both sides agree on it then it's okie to happen but I won't ever do it

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  • Its nice. If your like 30 and single, and can't get a girl to save your life, you can always tell dada and mama to pic a girl for you and pray to hit th lotter :-D. Lol

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  • It is what it is

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  • I know a lot of Desi people and many are very happy in them

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  • Bullshit 😂

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  • It actually works better than love marriage. Success ratio is more in it

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  • I don't like the sound of them. It should be down to the people involved to decide who they love..

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    • most people dont have a choice but to say yes...-.- and im not talking about being forced but more like some of us just can't say no to our parents... lol

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    • In a ways yes cuz parents will only choose what's best for u

    • But sometimes what they think is best isn't best for you, don't you think decisions like this should be down to the person involved to decide rather than the parents?

  • If it's arranged by God, sure otherwise no.

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  • Don't need em.

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  • Depends if its forced or if its just arranging people together by choice, which is the same as your friend hooking you up with a date.

    Forced obviously no, arranged is perfectly fine. In fact consider them lucky to have a culture that allows them to tap into a pool of applicants in such a fashion

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  • I dont agree with arranged marriages...

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  • I wish I had one, with me being very socially awkward it would be a miracle.

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    • Becareful what u wish for it might come true lol i wish my family didn't had the arranged marriage rule -,-

  • I would rather take a bullet in head!..
    Unless it's a business strategy or it has a mutual benefit..

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  • Not my cup of tea, but i dont disagree with it

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 23

  • It depends on who arranged them. I have no problem with arranged marriages as long as it is from somebody who has wisdom and is knowledgeable on who you are best paired with. Arranged marriages has many benefits to them such as a very low divorce rate compared to other marriages. But what makes it very unpopular is the very thought that you can't chose the mate yourself.

    What people seem to forget or don't want to understand is that marriage is sacred and is more then just a piece of paper. Marriage is two people, not a brand new car, a house, or other materialistic expenses. It's not even a ring. When two become one, it is a bond that can never be broken, unless it is done by the couple themselves which in turn leads to divorce. In arranged marriages, they work because they are not fooling around. They didn't have sex, or even bother having the time. The people to arranged them take deep consideration on who is suitable that the betroth is needed NOT wanted. I always say this: "What we want isn't going to all the time be what we need, and what we NEED isn't all the time going to be what we want." Mature people understand this concept and they make a marriage work, because they have been trained for that since the day the learned how to walk. Back in the biblical days, ancient times and even before we became a more colonized civilization. Girls learned how to do chores, take care of babies (by helping their mothers/sisters who were married raise their siblings), cook, and learn the ways of being wife BEFORE 10 or their first period. Depending on belief system, religion, tradition and culture, they did not have sex or permit it UNTIL their wedding night. Boys had similar task, such as how to handle money, work out in the fields, and he had to make something of himself BEFORE a certain age before they are able to take on a wife and start a family. Girls who started puberty were considered women. Not little girls or 'teenager's. They were men and women at either age they started, and married as soon as possible.

    Today we don't do that, and many no longer have this mindset. Today, it's 18+ year olds who still wants to 'be a kid'. Many whom lack priorities and being told, you have to have money and all other things that have nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is what you decide to put in and take out. What to look out for is WHO is choosing your partner. If it's only for profit, and selfish reasons and not for your own benefit. Walk away.

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    • Das what my family is like the guys work while the woman stays home and dose the house work my family only dose arranged marriages so this guys das really educated my dad choose him and my dad really likes him so when my dad asked for my answer he seemed so happy da I didn't had to guys to say no to him -.- and now I'm engaged to this guy da I don't love

    • Well it't not about that at all. The point is, love has to already be inside of you. You can work, get an education and live your life. No one is saying that you can't. The thing is you need to understand that love is not a feeling. It is an action. Never rely on your feelings to make decisions. How you know that you don't love him? You don't have to meet the person to know. That means that you don't know how to love a person without judging by seeing. A person can here many good things about someone else and already know if they love that person or not. Plus you have to want to love him. If you don't, then it will not work out wither it's by your choice or your parents. This is why marriages and relationships fail. It's a self problem, not the other person. Plus with this mindset that you have, it tells me that either way your not ready for marriage, no matter who it is right now.

    • Well what do you think I should do? The thing I don't have a choice if I said no to this one then my parents will make me say yes to the next one.. love marriges are not allowed in my family so no matter what I do at the end of day my parents will be the one choosing my future husband not me and knowing this I agreed to it but I'm not sure ill it will work out or no... some of these opinions here scaries me saying da arranged marriages doesn't work out..-.-

  • It's not something I want for myself. I need to know and love the man I am going to marry. However, I saw a documentary once in which young people were asking their parents to get them an arranged marriage. I mean, why not as long as both parties agree (the bride and groom).

    PS❗️❗️❗️: There is a difference between arranged and forced marriage. An arranged marriage is not necessarily a forced marriage.

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    • yeah there is my parents didn't forced me they just asked me and i couldn't say no to them lol and so i got engaged to someone i have never met or seen lol

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    • And by grow older I didn't mean elder I ment older after menopause!.. Feeble body bitty strength

    • @Nik1hil You finally got it why I agreed to him what you said is what my plan is first ill try to make it work but if it didn't then ill leave him and go back to my parents then ill be free.. I can marry whoever I want then and my parents can't say anything :) lol

  • It happened years ago and It didn't really worked.
    My great grandma was married to the man who was picked by her parents.
    Once I asked her (she was 95 at that time) whether she remembered name of her husband or not. She couldn't recollect.
    Then I asked her if she remembered name of his first love. She told me his name and even story of their love.
    Life is too short to spend it with someone we do not love.

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  • As a girl come from most arranged marriage culture lol I would say it's nice. 90% from my family married that way and now they are happily ever after. My family number are +200 only 6 divorce case and our parents married together around 30-40 years.
    NOTE: arranged marriage doesn't mean the couple won't pick each other, they pick each other based on apperance then talk to each other 3-6 months before ceremony

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    • same in my family... and yeah my parents lets me talk to him as well is just da im not love with him -.-

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    • I like arranged marriage more that make you sure that I get a serious man 👍🏼 I want it

    • Yeah the only good part in all this is da he has to take care if me no matter what lol

  • Despicable. An abhorrent and vile tradition and I have zero care or respect for anyone who condones or practices it. I'd rather be raped than forcefully we'd to someone I don't love and had no choice in marrying. In fact I consider arranged marriage a form of rape, except in the societies it's practiced in you never get the option to ever leave your rapist.

    I call it evil

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    • It's not really evil if ur getting something out if it lol

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    • Your right and I don't mind anything u say :) as for the arranged marrige part -.- the thing is in my family u can't do live marrige.. only arranged marriages so I was just trying to make myself feel better by saying -.- ill get something out of it... sorry about da

    • No I'm the one who should say sorry😔 I had no call to attack like that. It's just that arranged marriage is something like a nightmare to me because I enjoy and value my freedom so much. I feel awful that you are actually going through my nightmare in real life.

  • I think that most of the time, the couple is forced into something that they don't want so it ends up badly. in my opinion, it's ridiculous.

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    • Well in my case i wasn't forced into it i mean my parents asked me before they said yes but its an arranged marrige so im a little scared i really hope mine doesn't end badly

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    • yeah they do what me to be happy -.- with a guy da they choose not me lol

    • No offense to your parents but I think you should have the freedom to choose any guy you want. It isn't very respectful for them to choose a guy for you. I mean, you're 23.

  • Ok IF IT'S CONSENSUAL.
    Otherwise it's often rape, because in many of the cultures in which this happens, sex is seen as a sexual contract so the woman is going to be FORCED to have sex with the man she didn't choose

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  • People do end up in love sometimes just by companionship and being together for a long time, but i still wouldn't be interested in it. Id rather have the old movie ideology where we meet and instantly connect albeit thats more unlikely.

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    • What if ur getting a good deal by da i mean if the guy is really rich and good looking would u still say no to it?

    • yeah if i didn't no him. Its marriage not dating, if it was dating then yeah id definitely take the time to get to know him, to be real here, what person would pass up at least getting to know someone rich and hot? But since its a marriage, and there's essentially no "free trial before use" than you could end up with someone really shitty and mean and you would regret it. So id still say no because i can't commit myself to someone fully without knowing who they are.

  • I don't think it's a good idea if the other people don't know what you like.

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  • I think they're stupid.

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  • I think it totally defeats the purpose of marriage. It should be about two people completely and utterly in love sealing the deal, not two strangers being thrown into it and forced to make it work. I guess some people like to do things backwards.

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  • dumb as fuck

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  • i actually heard it was more successful lol
    I don't know if i can do it though

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  • If both girl and guy see, talk and pass sometime (albeit in open) to understand each other, certainly there is no harm in arranged marriages. It is especially good in traditional families.

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  • I know a few people who are getting them against their will then I also know some people who WANT their parents to arrange a marriage for them. It's fine if it's willing.

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  • Monogamy is totally UN natural to me... the end!

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  • nothing honestly

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  • I respect people's religion and beliefs but why?

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  • it seems a bit awkward...

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    • well... i mean, it's basically someone you've never met right? how do you know if you will like them? and you're supposed to marry them without any say in the matter?

    • das the interesting part getting married to someone u have never met before lol

  • Good for business, bad for the people?

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    • Why do u think its bad for ppl? Arranged marriages last longer then love marriges...

    • I think that sometimes people do it without really wanting it and crave to live with someone they love and who loves them.
      Sometimes

  • Big No for me..

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  • My parents had an arranged marriage, and they are super loving. I think marriage shouldn't be forced, but it's not bad for your parents to select and suggest a person they think would complement you very well. If you do end up loving him or her, great! If you don't, you shouldn't be forced to do anything. Also, you CAN divorce from an arranged marriage. I think a lot of arranged marriages last longer, because it's not just feelings tying them together. There's also trust.

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  • Speaking from my experience
    (not an arranged marriage but here in my country you are not allowed to fool around before marriage so)

    if there is a chemistry between the two of you
    I think it may work after all and I am lucky enough to have it with my husband and we are happily married now for 9 years

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