I forgave my wife for cheating? Am I being a too nice?


I've been together with my wife for 12 years, married for 7. She basically slept with 2 guys she met at a bar, she came home drunk and crying. She told me everything and said she would do everything to save our marriage. After thinking a while I told her she has 4-6 months to prove it, after 6 months I would divorce her if she wasn't able to prove her love to me.

During those 6 months she cooked my favourite meals to me, tried to be affectionate (kissing, cuddling, sex etc.), I of course was being cold and distant to her. I slept in another room and she slept in our bedroom.
She would cry to sleep every night, she also asked me to sleep with her, I refused.
In short she did everything to prove it to me.
During those 6 months there was no sex, talking when necessary, no kissing or cuddling.

When exactly 6 months passed I came home dressed up in a suit with a bouquet of roses (we didn't celebrate our anniversary which was at this time 2 weeks ago).
I told her that I have forgiven her, she of course was happy and crying, I told her to dress up because I was taking her out. We went out and I had one of my friends set up our bedroom with candles etc. We came home and were making love for like 2 hours. Later that night while cuddling she cried and said she thinks I'm being too nice and she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment instantly. I just cuddled with her and comforted her until she fell asleep. Next morning made love again for at least an hour.

What do you guys think? Was I being too nice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • well yes, you are too nice, and that's quite amazing of you tbh. however, in the end, no one should tell u whether or not to leave ur wife. it's your opinion that matters most. you love her, and you've been with her for a long time. u can also think for yourself. if you were so willing to stay, that's your decision. if u had left, that was also ur decision.

    im stressing this because i know people on this site will try to persuade u.

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What Girls Said 12

  • She Is... My wife here, dear...
    She Sounds very Sincere with all of a Tear, and with Giving you Proof in the Pudding that she is Desperately Trying to Make it up to you, You on the Other hand, are doing the Best from the Rest to Work With her and To... Forgive and Forget.
    Many Men in your Sticky Situation would have Given her the boot. However, I believe that in Romance... Everyone deserves a second Chance.
    No, not 'Too Nice,' that Tall order that you gave her, would have been Enough Rough for me and scared me Into.. Reality.
    Good luck and My own Blessings in Team Work. xx

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  • while i would never take a cheater back (from experience, sadly), it sounds as though your wife is genuinely contrite and that you both cared enough about each other to save your marriage.

    the fact that she cheated twice wouldn't sit well with me, but at least she was honest with you. so i'd proceed with caution; people can change, but not without great effort~ maybe couples counselling or a therapist can help.

    if she does it again, definitely cut her loose.

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    • I do believe that she won't cheat on me again, after all we were 12 years together.

    • in which case i wish you all the best.

  • Its not that u were being too nice but... I would just keep my eyes peeled for the future, u gotta look out for urself. Don't let her deceive u again. Since she did that, & she knew u took her back, she might just have motive to do it again. U can't fully trust her... Or at least I wouldn't

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  • She's your wife, if you are making the choice to stay with her she deserves kindness. A woman you have no intention of staying with doesn't deserve kindness. I just really don't get the concept of being continuously callous to someone you're still going to stay with.

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  • Well it's your choice if you want to risk getting cheated on again. I wouldn't ever take a cheating boyfriend or husband back. He would get dumped right away.

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  • Yeah you're being too nice and she doesn't deserve this kindness.

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  • It's not being too nice... it's following what ur gut and ur heart tell u to do... if u feel its the right choice, that's all that matters...

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  • sorry but you were WAY TOO NICE... no chance for cheater.. she did it twice and chances for it to happen are present

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  • I think you did the right thing to some extent. You did what makes you happiest, right?
    There's no such thing as being too kind to the one you love, love is strong and can withstand a shit ton. Just never let her forget how lucky she was and don't allow her to go back. Also, don't treat her with extreme mistrust and disrespect, not that you would, as you have decided to forgive... And maybe forget?

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  • Whatever..

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  • Once a cheater, always a cheater. Dont trust her too much. If i were you, i wouldve left even though i forgive her. Lets just see how it goes now, either she takes advantage of you and cheats again, which is most likely going to happen. Or she change for having a good husband like you. But it all depends on her.

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  • WoW!!! Is all I can say now that is true love forgiven and letting go. You have a one of a kind heart you must really love her.

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What Guys Said 25

  • Nope, sounds pretty normal to me. Anyways, thats some strength you got. Would i trust her? hmmm i would give her the benefit of the doubt but i certainly would not trust her for a long time, I would certainly be wary of her and drinks. Best of luck to ya man. I don't know if she will take you seriously after this whole ordeal wears off, but if you see a hint of something that doesn't Jive and you stay? then i would consider you too nice and a pushover, best of luck dude.

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  • The problem your actions and the actions of people who stay with adulterers is that you send out a message that it's okay to cheat because well everyone deserves a second chance.

    I really wish all men and women who are victims of such treachery would kick their partners to the kerb and go out and find someone decent. There are plenty of good men and women in this world, so there's no need to remain with a rotten one because of a pointless institution like marriage or because of children and other commitments.

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  • I would have kicked her out! She violated your trust, man!!! It means that she thinks that YOU aren't good enough

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  • dumbass... you just told her baby its ok u can fuck anyone you want.. at least thats why i do if i ever get caught lol

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    • I agree with this. It pretty much tells her that cheating isn't a big deal to you and that you'll keep forgiving her. Personally, I think anyone who cheats doesn't have enough love or respect for their partner and that is why I didn't give my ex a second chance. He even tried to cheat on his new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) with me. Some people just don't have what it takes NOT to cheat.

    • @aWes0MeNeSs Young but wise =P

  • Look I think nobody can tell you better than yourself whether you should remain in the marriage or not. You have to evaluate how much she and this marriage means to you. You have to evaluate how easy was for her to risk your marriage. In the end it depends on whether she has chances of doing it again or not. You also need to realise what made her cheat on you. If all these issues can be resolved and you are able to answer all these questions only then you can move ahead with this marriage. There is no simple yes or no answer to it.

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  • When you forgave your wife for cheating, you communicated to her that you were not to be taken seriously, have no backbone, lack self esteem / self respect and that her serious actions hold zero consequences.

    It tells your wife that you are soft and that she does not need to be careful of her actions. You have rolled over and she now knows that she can have the benefits of marriage without honouring her vows and that you will accept it. She also has no respect for you due to this on a subconscious level.

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  • in my opinion she doesn't deserve another chance for cheating on you twice! She can count herself very lucky to still be in your life!

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  • dude get rid of her. she doesn't respect you and will respect you less if you stay with her.

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  • Well if my wife slept with other man I would never forgive her and getting divorce without waiting 1 second.. I dunno about ur marriage but why did u cheat u? And its not even with one man.. Two man dude.. come on how can u forgive her... If u fuck other girls... would she forgive u? Think twice... Are u sure she won't do that again? How can u trust her again?

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    • No friend noooo she doesn't deserve u... She just deserve getting divorce.. Marriage means loyalty.. She didn't be loyal to u and noone can assure she will be loyal... How can u be blind like this? Divorce and punish her for what she did. Come on!

  • Yeah you are. That's weak AF. She will cheat on you again and will eventually resent you for being a pushover.

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  • It's always good when people understand each other.
    Be happy, and trust yourself.

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  • Sorry, dude. She will never respect you. Ever. In fact, she will come to despise you for being a doormat. The longer you stay with her, the larger her payout will be when you find out she never stopped cheating on you and she files the divorce-rape papers. Save yourself the added misery. DTB NOW!

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  • what the fuck yes you are too kind.

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  • You are being manipulated
    , she won't stop cheating you
    The faster you end up the less causalities you will have
    Man she probably gave him better sex than she give u

    You are an ATM card , a safe house , you are something with role in his life, and she has no duties to u

    You are fucked up for her , and goes out to have real fun , cause you are not fun , you are abused

    FUCKEN LEAVE YOU DESERVE BETTER DONT TAKE HER SHIT

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  • She will cheat again in the future since she just got away with it. If you're ok with that then thats your call.

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  • I would say she did a lot to repent and that you should love her again. Also it sounds like the two guys she slept with took advantage of her drunken state.

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  • If you can make the relationship work and she is SINCERELY sorry that you have essentially salvaged this relationship

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  • If I was in your position, I wouldn't have been so merciful. I would have tossed her out like garbage on the spot regardless of how much she cried. However, it does seem like she is genuinely sorry and I think that what you did was admirable. I really hope that things keep going well. But if she does something like this again, don't forgive her.

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  • Hahahaha, cool story. Then you woke up))
    I think that infidelity is like a scar. You forget it, but when you remember it, it hurts.
    Women are up to now creatures. They don't value how you feel about her cheating, I'm sure she will try or mind to cheat again. I think you were too nice, if this story was true.

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    • It does hurt, and I won't forget it. I forgave her because I didn't want to end our relationship of 12 years.

    • Show All
    • She has a good paying job so she could just leave me if she wants to. But she seems to have changed a lot after cheating. She spends her time with me a lot now, she comes home early etc. And I told her if she ever does it again it will be over. She also told her parents and our close friends about her cheating.

    • I don't know dude, if you are happy, it is ok then.

      But, if I had your case, I would imagine how those two guys fucked her and be disgusted with her, when I touch my wife.

  • If I was you I'd ask for a free pass x2

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  • Way too nice. Did you sign a prenup?

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  • WTF 2 guys at once?

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  • if thats your prerogative

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  • No you were a bad person. Cuz she was drunk , cried and explained everything to you. I wouldn't mad at her if I were you. And I would hug her and say sit down we will talk about it. But you exaggerated everything.
    6 months being cold , distance , different beds. I don't know man. I think its not nice. And you made her unhappy , she cried every night.
    İf you ask my opinion I am telling that you overreacted.

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  • She cuckolded you. She literally made you a cuck.

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