Are you living in a culture where you can pick your partner? Or is this a choice made by your family?

I could guess in which cultures the family chooses your partner and in which not, but it's safer to ask people from over the world :D
Poll included which leaves all options open. If you have knowledge about the subject and would like to give some info, feel free!
Are you living in a culture where you can pick your partner? Or is this a choice made by your family?

  • We can choose our own partner
    89% (56)82% (31)86% (87)Vote
  • Free choice is more common than the family choosing
    5% (3)3% (1)4% (4)Vote
  • With us it's 50/50
    3% (2)5% (2)4% (4)Vote
  • The family choosing is more common
    2% (1)5% (2)3% (3)Vote
  • In my culture it's always the family that chooses.
    1% (1)5% (2)3% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can choose my own partner but my parents' blessing is a must
    Nowadays i would say most people chose their partner in Tunisia

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    • That's good news, I think it's a much healthier situation than the other option :D

    • Show All
    • Thank youuu ❤️ My owm grandma met mh grandpa at work in the 60's not traditional way haha ^^

    • Nice to hear, you have a precious grandma and grandpa :D

Most Helpful Guy

  • I choose my own and chose my own even at the defiance of my father who didn't like me marrying an independent career woman and not a traditional Japanese housewife. He missed our wedding and we proceeded without his blessing.

    That said, I'm from Japan where it is wasn't too long ago, especially in rural areas, where people were arranged by their families in marriage. For example, my wife's parents were arranged in this way, along with my own grandparents.

    In both cases, the result was a relationship devoid of passion. There was loyalty, peacefulness, stability, etc. but no passion, no tender hugs, no kisses. Apparently my wife's parents never even had sex except when they decided they wanted children, and that was the end of their sex life after that.

    I'm pretty glad this tradition is no longer held.

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    • In the case of my wife's parents, they're like "best friends", but never "lovers" -- enjoying each other's company but no intimacy or passion. In the case of my grandparents, it was only duty -- they didn't even have that kind of friendly vibe going.

    • I like the way you described it in your comment, "duty"... that's really not what I'd like a marriage to be :-(
      Long live the free choice :D

What Girls Said 16

  • We chose one another. He asked my Dad for permission/approval to marry me. (Sort of common with more conservative families. Where the guy states his intention to ask for her to marry him, discuss finances as in "how are you going to support my daughter?"). I liked it that he respected me enough to be old fashioned and talk to my Daddy alone, he said he was so nervous, we laugh about that!

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  • never. Fuck that lol. The fall of dynasties in the western world put an end to that. Among other things... such as women's rights.

    Asian cultures still do it for some reason. Not sure why.

    Studies in sociology suggest that arranged marriages are happier and with lower divorce rates. Maybe because people accept their fate and live with it. And have low expectations emotionally? Can only speculate.

    Speaking from personal experience, met an older Indian man whom was in an arranged marriage and rarely spent time with his wife. Said she was against having sex for pleasure for religious reasons.

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    • Gosh, poor guy... I doubt if we can even call that "a wife", if there's no love :-(

  • That's a tricky question. I'm free to date who I like. But my parents also have a huge say in who I'm dating. If they don't like my boyfriend then it does cause a problem. So technically they're not arranging any relationships for me, but they also are picking who I'm dating in a way.

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    • Yeah, I think that's a common situation: they don't pick but if they disapprove you're in trouble :o

  • In my culture the majority of people get to choose their partners BUT there's still some family stuck in the old traditions in which the parents choose, they are VERY few though. However, its very important that the parents get to agree on my choice.

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  • i can choose but family will have their say as well

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  • I live in Israel. So the society contains the extremly religious people, who their partner is chosen by the family, the normal religious people, who their partner is chosen by them, but the family still can express an opinion about it or decide if they want this person to marry their son/daughter or not.
    And there are the non religious people like me, who can pick their partner and no one prevent it.

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  • I pick. But I always want my family's approval. It means a lot to me.

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    • That sounds good! Yeah imagine they dislike him like hell and you need to hide him... gosh that would work as a comic movie scenario but not in life :o

  • Only my Mom trying to control my marriage choice life and she is doing her best to prevent me to marry anyone I love. She's the reason of my break up. My Ex proposed to me with his Mom and she rejected them and offended them

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    • Gosh, what a situation... is she "mom-zilla" or is that exaggerated?

  • I can choose my own partner!

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  • I can pick my partner myself,
    Lucky me that I wasn't born in 17th century.

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    • Haha yes indeed! We wouldn't even have had GAG oh my goodness :o :-(

  • My family has no say in who I choose for a partner.

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    • Haha keep it like that... freedom of choice which steak you eat :D :D

  • Free choice is more common than the family choosing

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    • That's interesting, I would have expected that in North Africa there would still be a tradition of the parents choosing. Good that you confirm the opposite is true :D

  • i can choose my own :D if my choises are good, thats another thing though ;) haha

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    • Haha I know what you mean :D but you have to follow your heart... even if he lives on the other side of our giant blue bowling ball :o

    • haha yeah :D

  • I can choose him but of course my family will want to have an input

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  • i can choose myself, man it must suck if you can't choose yourself

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  • I can choose my own partner but my parents do have some exceptions or standards on my partner

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    • Yeah, I can imagine... in the end they do more or less have to live with him or her.

What Guys Said 8

  • I currently live in a country (Uk) within its the norm as their culture for the person getting married to choose as they wish, however my native culture within the country of Jordan its very much a decision based heavily by the parents i. e. if your parents don't like your potential spouse , then its not happening pretty much, this being the norm there ((this being the general case/not all cases as some families (minority) are more liberal and laid back like western countries , i. e. the UK for example))

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    • Let's hope the more liberal people will eventually become the majority :D
      The other situation makes marriage more like "a job" instead of passion :o

    • Yeah i hope so too, that's true i agree

  • I choose my own partner.

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    • That's good news... happy that this vote is prevailing!

  • I can choose my own partner :D.

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  • We choose our own partners any other way is just wrong

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  • Free choice

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  • I can pick my partner but they wish that she can speak chinese

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    • If part of your family only speaks Chinese, I could understand that.
      And I'd assume that "willing to learn" could probably also meet the criterium?

    • I wouldn't expect my lady to do so

  • Hahahaha.

    Before I answer, how much truth can you handle?

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  • Family choosing partner is MUCH more common. However, if I love someone then I've 100% trust in my parents that they'd accept her without any drama. Others are not lucky.

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