My family thinks my wedding ring is "cheap"?

My fiance wanted me to show my family the wedding ring he got me so I did it in front of him and they were just like "oh... it's nice..." Then when my fiance left my sister told me it looks really cheap. A few weeks later my dad asked if my fiance was going to buy me a nice ring and I was like... I already have one. And then my dad was like a nice one like your sister in law has.

Cost doesn't really matter to me but my family is starting to make me feel bad about it.
My sister in law's ring that my brother bought her was at least $12,000. My fiance picked mine out as sort of an impulse buy on my birthday. We had been engaged for about 3.5 years at that point and he hadn't bought me an actual engagement ring. He picked it out at a distant relative's jeweler and paid less with a discount at about $1,500.

It's basically a 3/4 diamond solitaire white gold and looks similar to this:
Solitaire Wedding ring

My family thinks I accept less in life and I'm starting to wonder if I am? I'm not really a materialistic person but if I'm going to wear a ring for the rest of my life I want it to be something decent. I have been pretty patient and went 3.5 years without a decent ring. I wanted to pick out my own ring and had told my fiance that before so I was surprised (not in a good way) when he got me the ring.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I disagree with your family. It depends on his finances. It looks like a decent ring. If he could afford a lot more, then that's one thing, but judging someone by ring price is pretty petty ànd materialistic.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My wedding band cost less than $100. It's a plain tungsten band that is simple, dark, durable, and has a way of looking better with every passing year. Like... me, and like my husband. <3

    I can wear it to the gym, it doesn't catch on things, I don't have to be paranoid about checking the setting all the time to make sure "precious" stones aren't lost, etc. etc.
    And it's beautiful in its simplicity.

    At this point (married over 15 years), I have a couple of other wedding band sets that my husband actually made me. (He's a leatherworker by trade, but he also does metalwork, too.)
    One of these sets is actually worth a few thousand in melt value, and would be worth five figures on the market I'm sure (it's 18k white gold and platinum) -- but that's not the point. The other sets are made of inexpensive metals like stainless steel and brass, but they're handmade and totally unique -- they are literally the only rings of their kind in the whole world.
    These rings mostly for more "special" / dressy occasions. For day-to-day, I still wear the plain black band that my man put on my hand when he made me *his*, forever.
    <3

    If you have a REAL commitment and you know it, it doesn't make ANY difference how much yr ring costs. That's between you and yr fiancé, and, frankly, it's none of yr family's business (this isn't the 17th century anymore, when a wedding could signify a future war alliance or geopolitical arrangement).

    __

    On the other hand -- you should make sure that YOUR FIANCE doesn't actually enjoy the idea of a more expensive ring.
    A lot of men actually do. It's not a "marking territory" thing -- it's just that lots of men enjoy spending money on the finer things in life that matter to them, and they would genuinely delight in seeing a woman they love wearing an expensive band that they worked hard to pay for.

    If yr fiancé is one of these men, then, you should give at least some consideration to that. (For men like that, rejecting an expensive ring and insisting on a simpler one can be like constantly rejecting compliments or gifts -- after a while it hurts! Remember, he's gna see you wearing that ring EVERY DAY for the rest of yr lives together.)

    If he's not -- i. e. if both of you are frugal and have good financial sense -- and it's just yr family that's bugging you here, then, you should find the kindest, most diplomatic, and most polite way possible of telling yr family to butt out and mind their own fucking business.

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    • @tarvold -- if I had to guess at the provenance of the family here, I'd guess that you might have some insight as to what the OP should do. (:

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    • just did :D

What Guys Said 15

  • If you value more a ring than the "love" from him, then just do him a favor and leave. The fact that you're thinking about all this, is sad.
    I feel bad for the guy, he spent $1,500 on a ring for his fiance, but the worst part is what he was really feeling when he bought that ring. He was probably thinking about all you and him are gonna do together when you get married, about your reactions of joy he thought you were gonna have, feeling nervous but excited at the same time... all this, just so that all you care about is the ring's value.

    Poor guy :(

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    • Who downvoted this bahaha

    • I think you are taking what I'm asking out of context and putting many assumptions of your own . Like really... how can you even write what he was probably thinking about when he was picking out the ring? We have been engaged for 3 and a half years... this was not the ring he bought me when we first got engaged. The ring he got me prior was a silver infinity ring. Do you know what my reaction was? I was happy because I was focused on wanting to spend my life with him. My question is about my family's reaction to my upgraded ring.

  • You are only feeling bad because you're surrounded by people telling you you should. It's basic psychology. You are not a materialistic person, cost doesn't matter to you and because of that your husband was able to (without a ton of stress and worry) get you a ring "on impulse" (which to me sounds like the best way to do something like that)

    It made you and him happy and you should take pride in that. You two are so on the same level that you understand each other in a way that no one else can. Don't let other people trick you into seeing this any other way. If you wanted a more expensive ring, he would have gotten a more expensive ring but isn't it great that instead of spending 12,000 on a ring you guys can put that money into a mortgage or something?

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  • The questioins I would ask are: is the ring thoughtful and meaningful gift from fiance or just something he bought because it was expected if he wanted marrage; Is your family saying that because they have high standards or do they really think he is being cheap?

    My moms side of the family is very loving and close but also has often very judgmental high standards. It is a cultural thing and I know that they come from a place of love, even though to some it may seem like judgement. Sometimes, it can be a little too high and unrealistic of a standard--and at that time I know that is where we differ because something else can be just as meaningful.

    If you are having trouble deciding, maybe ask your family members why they think it is cheap--is it just the price, are they flashy people, do they feel the need to portray more materialistic things? If so, then it is their issue, not yours. You can ask your fiancee why he picked you out the ring. Did he pick it out because he wanted it to be something more personal from him? It seems he was not thoughtful about it since you told him you wanted to pick it out. I would have never waited so long to pick out a ring. If money is tight, I would not let it be an issue because I would make it meaningful by having something custom and thoughtful made.

    My gut says I don't think your family cared about the price of the ring as much as how they feel you have been treated. If you don't feel he honors you like a goddess, queen or princess then you may want to seriously rethink the relationship. If you do, make sure you talk to him about your feelings, often guys can be dense, but don't confuse being dense for not caring enough about you. I wish you the best.

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    • Thanks so much for your reply. Yeah my fiance treats me extemely well. My family is from a different ethnicity and they are traditional so they have different expectations than I did. I actually didn't want an expensive ring now and told my fiance we could wait to buy rings in afew years when we can afford it. I wanted him to take the ring back and keep the money but he refused because the ring was bought from a family member's store. I tell my parents he treats me very well. They see things differently but my grandparents who were born and raised in America think he's a great catch

  • I understand wanting to like your engagement ring, but...

    Do you want to fall in love with a man, or do you want to fall in love with a carbon-adorned piece of metal?

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  • Diamond rings are bullshit, anyways.

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  • First off the link to the ring doesn't show anything.

    I'm kinda laughing a bit here. I can't believe the way your family talks. They sound like really horrible people. I mean who the fuck says this shit to their daughter? " dad was like a nice one like your sister in law has."...

    Look, i can tell off the bat this marriage is in trouble if you let your family talk like that about your marriage/relationship. Can you imagine the snarky comments you're going to hear on your weeding day?

    You need to set some boundaries with your parents. You're old enough.

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    • Yeah I've been setting boundaries slowly but it has come with great resistance. It's somewhat of a cultural issue... my family is from oversees. My dad tells me to plan things out but when I tell him things like I plan on living in my fiances house and we don't want to buy a house yet because we have student loans. My dad offered to help pay for a house though but if I take it he'll just continue telling me how to live. I also told my dad I want to wait two years to get married and he said if I'm going to wait I might as well call it off & find someone else. There is a big culture clash & it's frustrating. I can't compete with my brother who make over $200,000 is his yr out of college & now had 2 businesses... plus he is younget than me. Every time my fiance comes over to visit my parents my dad asks him how much money he makes... my fiance says $50,000 (he's a resident) and my dad says "oh... that's not a lot"

    • yikes... and you're caught in the middle huh. Well it makes sense now. Sounds like my buddies situation. She's Persian and is dating another friend of mine. He works as a Supermarket manager (not that much $$). Her dad is constantly offering to give, buy them things like car, down payment for a home... etc. She declines because she knows those gifts come with strings. I feel bad for the situation you're in.

      Sounds like you're constantly trying to appease everyone while pleasing no one. You know you're brother should say something on your behalf. He has clout with your dad and would probably listen to him.

    • Yeah... thanks for taking the time to understand. My family is middle eastern and it's a very different situation I'm dealing with. I don't think some of the people who commented on her get it and are just jumping to conclusions based on their own assumptions. In middle eastern culture respect for family is extremely important and that includes abiding by their wishes. Going against it causes a lot of issues. I don't agree with this and have been slowly breaking away but sometimes I regress.

  • well if you are going to buy him equivalent of $12,000 as after all why should he accept less in life. For me if a woman demanded a better more expensive ring that she could pick out I would expect her too pay for it and start asking myself some serious questions about her commitment to me and a future with her, as well as taking a good long hard look at what she offers in a relationship. Its not flashy rings and expensive weddings you should be worrying about but the actual marriage. I assume your Dad is paying for the wedding?

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    • My dad wants a small wedding because be is not happy with me marrying someone who is a different ethnicity

  • Personally rings are such a masssssive waste of money, you pay 12 grand for something very tiny and sparkly, just for appearance. Now they can make very authentic looking fake ones for pennies in comparison but then everyone gets super offended haha.

    It looks like any other useless piece of gold and shiny stone, I dunno he got a discount so you don't know how much it is, your brother is a bit of an idiot to spend 12 grand on a ring. Half a goddam car.

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    • go and pawn an engagement ring lol you might have paid $12,000 but if you go to sell it you'd be lucky if you get $6000 back.

    • @Righttobeararms83 Yeah, it's insane when they just melt down the ring for scrap and maybe sell the diamond. Then someone just makes something else, I don't get why it's not good enough to be resold personally haha.

    • it can be resold. In fact I bought my wife's ring in a pawn shop and it would have been four times the price from a jeweller. I think women psychologically want a certain amount spent on them no matter what they are getting. Hope the wife doesn't read this lol

  • Look on the bright side. Even if you go through with the marriage, you'll most likely divorce him within 5 years. So you won't be stuck wearing that ring forever.

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  • Last time I had occasion to check, a wedding ring was supposed to be a simple nine-carat gold ring.

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    • That must have been a long time ago because not only is gold out of style, unadorned wedding bands are as well.

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    • @LaVilaine
      Here too we're still wearing plain rings

    • @jacquesvol perhaps it's a North American thing, though the eldest brother in my (Belgian) host family's wife has a pavé wedding band. Her engagement ring was a marquise diamond with a platinum band.

  • Ignore them, monetary doesn't mean squat, if you like the ring thats all what matters and if thats the best one he could afford then i say thats a pretty good ring because he put all of his money to gbecausand shows he cares about you, next time tell them would they rather it be a fancy mancy ring and him not love you or a good ring and him love you, also tell them at least its not an onion ring or costume jewelry which I've seen somw guys do even though they could afford a decent one

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  • $1500? Cheap? That was the down payment on my car. You should tell your family to stop being so damn rude.

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  • if the wedding ring costs so much i dont even want to know what the rest of the wedding will cost.

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  • You say you're not materialistic but you're kinda sounding like you are. If you're gonna let your family's opinions effect your relationship then you might as well end it now

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  • The rule is 3 months wages is what your ring should cost that being said the jewelry market is just a royal screw job the dimond in your ring is only 10 % of all the dimonds mined are used for jewelry and 80% of those are kept in reserve to artificial raise the price of jewelry as for the gold it holds its value preaty good but what you really want in rubies set in platinum as gem quality rubies are used in high end Lazer and platinum has many uses and is rarer then gold but that's just my opinion

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What Girls Said 16

  • $1,500 isn't exactly "cheap," at least not by my standards. Not everyone can afford to drop $12,000 on a ring. Just because yours cost less doesn't make it any less special. It represents the commitment the man you love is making to you. I don't mean to make assumptions but is that not enough for you? Who cares what your family thinks? You're the one marrying him and you are the one he bought the ring for, not them. They are being extremely rude and I actually feel bad for your fiancé... you should stick up for him and tell your family to chill out.

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    • I do stick up for him but they gang up on me... so when it's like 4 against 1 I start to wonder if I'm not thinking right. It makes me second guess myself. I mean I was fine with the promise ring he gave me and never asked for anything else. My family is just finding everything they can to be wrong with him

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    • Yeah you're right. It just hurts my feelings a lot. I need to put my big girl panties on.

    • That's understandable. A lot of people value the opinions of their family members. But if they are only tearing you down and not being supportive, then you need to tell them that they are wrong.

  • Your family is being real snooty. Fuck the ring, the money he didn't spend on it can go towards a nice house, or a car, or whatever instead. It's just a ring and I've never understood the point in spending thousands on JUST a ring. I'd be too scared to wear it because I'd be afraid of losing it, or having it stolen. If you really aren't a materialistic person, this shouldn't even be an issue to you.

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  • A man who truly loves you and is going to create a beautiful life with you is more important than an expensive ring. Tons of fiancés buy expensive rings and they're cheating on their wives to be or will totally suck as husbands. The ring doesn't really make a difference.

    Look at it this way: many of those pretty, sparkling, fancy diamonds only end up on fortunate people's fingers because tons of African children were forced into mines where they were tortured, beaten, and murdered. Would it really feel all that great to have a product of blood money in your home?

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  • Oh please! Marriage is not based on the amount the ring and wedding cost! What the point of getting married with all these things and then god forbid risk a divorce that will cost far more then the ring? If you love each other, it shouldn't have to matter how much the ring cost! That is not gonna to matter in marriage. Only how you handle your finances! Your family is in the wrong. The wedding is supposed to be about you and him. Not your family. If they don't like it, then they don't have to be at the wedding when it happens. Unbelievable! My friend just got married last month, and their wedding didn't cost anywhere near that amount. $12,000 for a ring? And they have the nerve to call yours cheap? They need to grow up. Your not materialistic. They are.

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  • I am extremely unmaterialistic. With that said, I bought my engagement ring with my husband over the Internet. It was $100 but when it came, I did not like it. We bought my wedding band together. It was $1,000 with life time insurance. I was highly considering selling both rings. I never told my family how much my ring cost. It's none of their business.

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    • Yeah I never told my family how much my ring cost my sister just told me it looks really cheap

  • Disclaimer: You know him better than anyone on GaG.
    1500 is perfectly fine for a spur of the moment engagement ring. If you knew he was struggling with money, it makes sense he didn't buy you a ring for that long. If he makes 300,000 a year and got you a 1500 dollar ring, yea, that's not a lot compared to what me makes but maybe he thought it was the perfect ring?
    Your family is terrible for how they're acting-they seem VERY shallow.
    If you think.75 carat is bad... do you have really big fingers? Because that's a really good size for most women. If you don't like the design-he should have been more considerate of what you like, BUT you can't be mad at him if you never told him what you like.

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  • I think your family is rude for mentioning the ring. I'd like to think my parents are more interested in the man than the jeweler he picks out for me. The ring is just a symbol and I've told my guy I'd be happy with a toy ring. (Not really but really)
    Is your father critical of your fiancé in other areas? Job, car, house, looks?

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    • Yeah my father is critical of my fiance in just about every area... but especially his ethnicity and house. My father will not allow me to move into the house my fiance lives in now because he says it is "dinky". He expects my fiance to buy me a house like my brother bought my sister in law. He does like my fiance's job though

    • Don't let your fathers views poison or dilute the reasons you fell in love. Material things do not a true love make.

  • Is the ring really that important? What matters is you love him not how much your ring costs. Personally I chose a ring that cost $1200 and used convinced my husband to use the money we saved to spend it on an extravagant honeymoon. But we didn't go all out as planned--we actually took a lot of THAT money to our towards a home. I'd rather be with HIM than have flashy bling that says my husband went into heavy debt for me.

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  • Is he a good man who makes you happy? Does he make you laugh and keep you striving to be a better person? Do you desire each other equally? Because those are the questions you should be asking.

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  • Are your family ridiculously rich or something? Because there's nothing wrong with that ring, and spending 12K on one of the most abundant minerals on earth is just plain foolish. Diamonds aren't even rare. The deBeers company just monopolizes the market to create a false shortage.

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    • I wouldn't say my family is ridiculously rich but they are well off and with that comes certain standards they expect

    • Yeah, if they think that dropping 12K on one single ring is reasonable, then they are ridiculously rich.

  • Who cares what your family thinks

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  • Who gives a sht about the ring. It doesn't define the relationship ur about to marry into.

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  • It's not about the ring. It's about what the ring represents.

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  • The ring shouldn't even matter. Do you love him? Does he love you? Price is meaningless compared to those things.

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  • Okay so I thought about it.

    Honestly, I think sometimes in situation slike this, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    If you go tell your fiance about the ring, he'll blow up, change and act defensive, then there'll be problems then your family will say aha see I told you he was wrong for you.

    This happens more often than not.

    Now I can see how there is another side to the story too. You waited a really long time for a ring. 3.5 years... that's a lot. I understand why you feel you should have more value.

    But I don't think this is just about the ring. This is about you thinking your fiance may not be good enough for you AND that he takes you for granted.

    I don't know very much about engagement rings. It looks like every other engagement ring to me. But you know I don't think guys know that much about rings or that girls are sensitive to their jewellery.

    Also about your sister and brother in law. They're your family so I guess I'll say something without fully saying it. You might look at someone else's life and think wow they have it all figured out and they're perfect.

    But then 3 years down the road... you realize they are not perfect. They have their own share of problems. They may not have money problems but that doesn't mean they won't have other problems.

    Life is like that nothing is what it seems.

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  • Youve asked so many question concerning your fiance, are you sure marriage is such a good idea?

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    • Growing up I have always relied on my families opinion to make my decisions. More recently I've paved my own path but it's come with great resistance from them. So a lot of times I don't even think my opinion is valid if it is different from my family. I think it stems from a lack of confidence. My father wants me to have everything my brother gave his wife right when they got married. A nice big house in an affluent area, a new car, a big ring, etc. My parents have such high expectations and even though I try to separate myself from it sometimes I wonder if I am actually selling myself short.

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