Is 9-10 years age difference gap is OK for marriage?

I'm 31 and she's about 22. I never wanted that big gap, but when I talk with her I don't feel that difference in thinking we agree about almost everything.

  • Yes
    83% (10)70% (7)77% (17)Vote
  • No
    17% (2)30% (3)23% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know hundreds and hundreds of married couples. Probably thousands, at this point.

    In the VAST majority of the best-functioning couples I've seen -- where "best-functioning" includes sexuality, logistics, emotional compatibility, finances, and just big life decisions in general -- the husband is roughly in the range of 5-12 years older than the wife.

    Like, in ALMOST ALL of the best-functioning couples. AT LEAST 95 percent of them.

    There's also more than just my anecdotal experience to back this up:
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/7873718/

    (If you see the more recent studies that purport to show that same-age marriages are most stable, a further look shows that those are BS... because they removed the variable of *which spouse is older*! So, in other words, those studies are lumping marriages in which the wife is 7 years YOUNGER in along with marriages in which the wife is 7 years OLDER. Lol... Nice experimental design, guys.)

    In any case, there are 2 easy reasons to explain this.

    1)
    BIOLOGICAL CLOCKS:
    Our fertility starts declining in our mid-20's, and, if we haven't given birth yet, starts to fall off a cliff around age 30. (Giving birth extends the fertility clock, so to speak.)

    If the guy is older, then it's much more likely that he'll be ready -- psychologically, financially, and leadership-wise -- for parenthood at around the same time as his wife is still fertile.

    2)
    MALE LEADERSHIP / PROTECTIVE VIBE:

    Let's face it, that ^^ is what JUST ABOUT EVERY woman wants in a husband. It takes different forms from woman to woman... but... yeah.

    Can a younger man -- or even a man of the same age -- exert credible leadership? Can he be the legitimate head of the household, in the spiritual sense (not necessarily money, which is mostly not relevant here)?
    There some guys who can step up to that, but, others can't.
    And, on the other side, only some women are ready to accept the headship/leadership -- or even partnership -- of a guy who's younger than them.

    Those are the big 2 reasons.

    __

    For women who also think a man should be a financial provider (and for *men* who think a man should be a financial provider, hah -- I'm always surprised to learn there are just as many men with this opinion as women)... that's another reason. And a BIG one, too.

    __

    As for other people's reactions --

    Haters gna hate.

    Really, it's that simple. Jealous people grab whatever's visible, and hate on it. If what they notice is an age gap, they'll hate on an age gap.

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What Girls Said 4

  • The issue with the wage gap at this point in your life is that the two of you are at different points of your life. She's just getting her life and career started and you've been going for a while. This is going to cause conflict in your relationship. What she wants now is going to change in three years.

    If you are willing to talk about it and work through it, then it should be okay. You need to really talk through it though and ask the hard questions of each other.

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    • 3mo

      I'm willing to help her with her career, as we both working in some different fields, but we need each other's help.
      We didn't talk too much, but so far we agree about most of life/work issues.
      She's smart and classy which's my fav.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      lols, thanks. I can think quickly under pressure and I can read people pretty well.

    • 3mo

      It's seldom to find a girl at that age (even older) to be able to think under pressure and make decisions, But I believe there are few of them.

  • It's completely and absolutely fine. Actually, it's probably more even that way because women mature mentally and physically quicker than guys in most cases.

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  • The average difference in age for a married couple is 7 years. Many couples have a large age difference like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively , Adam Levine and bhakti Prinsolo, Jay z BeyoncĂ© are to name a few. It has always been part of the norm. women are attracted to older men because they feel protected and secure with them. Nothing about that attraction is financial. women love manly men who exert male dominance. Age adds to the list of things that makes a man manly it is a natural feminine instinct to want older men.
    Nothing is wrong with the age difference

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  • If it works for you, it works for you.

    I've tried and it's not my cup of tea, but everyone is different. Remember to give her some space to grow as you got.

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    • 3mo

      Not only space, I'll be supporting, and helping her to succeed in her career.
      What makes me worried, is that you know younger people like to be more less responsible and travelling most of the time (dreams), while I'm a more workaholic.
      We haven't discussed it, yet. I even, haven't asked her about getting into a relationship I'm now like doing calculations if it could work or not.

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    • 3mo

      I personally and not huge on traveling because I am claustrophobic. But I did like to spend time with my (mostly female) friends a lot in my early 20s. Friends are important, but too many older guys push to make younger women give them up:

    • 3mo

      Friends are really Important in our life, I agree. But, when it comes to jealousy sometimes it's hard to cope with it.

What Guys Said 4

  • Honestly speaking the age gap is a little too much.

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  • Yeah, I'd have no problem with that.

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  • Unless you're a loser it's fine.

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    • 3mo

      How do you define a "loser" ?

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    • 3mo

      That helps!

    • 3mo

      Agreed

  • no its fine. both adults

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