I'm 31 and she's about 22. I never wanted that big gap, but when I talk with her I don't feel that difference in thinking we agree about almost everything.
- Yes83% (10)70% (7)77% (17)Vote
- No17% (2)30% (3)23% (5)Vote
Most Helpful Girl
I know hundreds and hundreds of married couples. Probably thousands, at this point.
In the VAST majority of the best-functioning couples I've seen -- where "best-functioning" includes sexuality, logistics, emotional compatibility, finances, and just big life decisions in general -- the husband is roughly in the range of 5-12 years older than the wife.
Like, in ALMOST ALL of the best-functioning couples. AT LEAST 95 percent of them.
There's also more than just my anecdotal experience to back this up:
(If you see the more recent studies that purport to show that same-age marriages are most stable, a further look shows that those are BS... because they removed the variable of *which spouse is older*! So, in other words, those studies are lumping marriages in which the wife is 7 years YOUNGER in along with marriages in which the wife is 7 years OLDER. Lol... Nice experimental design, guys.)
In any case, there are 2 easy reasons to explain this.
Our fertility starts declining in our mid-20's, and, if we haven't given birth yet, starts to fall off a cliff around age 30. (Giving birth extends the fertility clock, so to speak.)
If the guy is older, then it's much more likely that he'll be ready -- psychologically, financially, and leadership-wise -- for parenthood at around the same time as his wife is still fertile.
MALE LEADERSHIP / PROTECTIVE VIBE:
Let's face it, that ^^ is what JUST ABOUT EVERY woman wants in a husband. It takes different forms from woman to woman... but... yeah.
Can a younger man -- or even a man of the same age -- exert credible leadership? Can he be the legitimate head of the household, in the spiritual sense (not necessarily money, which is mostly not relevant here)?
There some guys who can step up to that, but, others can't.
And, on the other side, only some women are ready to accept the headship/leadership -- or even partnership -- of a guy who's younger than them.
Those are the big 2 reasons.
For women who also think a man should be a financial provider (and for *men* who think a man should be a financial provider, hah -- I'm always surprised to learn there are just as many men with this opinion as women)... that's another reason. And a BIG one, too.
As for other people's reactions --
Haters gna hate.
Really, it's that simple. Jealous people grab whatever's visible, and hate on it. If what they notice is an age gap, they'll hate on an age gap.5