Does my fiance have cold feet or am I just hoping it is?

My fiance and I have been together for 9 years. He proposed to me a couple years ago and are wedding is set for October, this year. I knew he shown excitement when planning and before, also it was no problem for us to discuss what we want in the wedding. Just a couple days ago, I could tell he was distant so I approached him and asked if anything was bothering him. After what seemed like an hour of talking, he said that he don't want to get married. He said that we don't have to have marriage to make this work and he never wanted it with me. I reassured him and told him that, "you are right we don't need a marriage to make this work because it already is working." He claims that marriage will ruin everything. Which to me, that's a mindset. Marriage doesn't fix things or ruin things. He says he feels that way because of our parents divorcing. I just can't wrap my brain around this, that this was a lie for 2 years now. If you love someone why would you lead them on, knowing you never wanted this? He wants to basically move backwards in the relationship. There was never any pressure in the engagement or wedding and honestly we are truly happy.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe you never put any pressure on him but if he's honest he definetively put pressure on himself and doesn't want to lose you. It seems like cold feet, but you gotta find a way to reassure him. Fear of screwing up frequently ends engagements. Dont let that happen and please, do keep an eye for weird behavior. Update us if necessary

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    • 3mo

      That makes sense, "fear of screwing up frequently ends engagements." When I do plan on reassuring him, I'm afraid he will feel like I'm trying to get him to go through with marrying me. We may need time to think to ourselves without bringing it up

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    • 3mo

      Just updating and getting your opinion & advice! Since I posted my question, my fiance was very disrespectful and cold to me for a couple days. I think the reason is that, he wanted me to give in and me call it quits on our relationship. When he realized I wouldn't argue with him or give in, he quit being disrespectful to me. Now he is upset with me because I told him that, he is the one that needs to make the decision if he wants to be with me. I already told him that I want us & that I love him. He tells me he loves me and wants to be the man I need and want. About the wedding, he keeps asking me if I have told my family and I said only my mom. He agreed to calling his family and vendors but won't do it. Like he is afraid to or something

    • 3mo

      Keep assuring him. He's obviously afraid of marriage. Infortunately until he realizes how far having you as a wife is worth it he won't be able to overcome his fear. Dont let him fail. You gotta give him emotional support.

  • the only real reason to marry these days, is that it's cheaper. it's technically cheaper to live, married, than single. don't know why

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    • 3mo

      Money has never been an issue between us. Marriage to me is a right that is morally just, it is taking that next step with the one you are in love with, and it is making a commitment under God and with family. It's not about living cheaper, a legal matter, the dress, or the thought of being married sounds good. When I told him how I felt about that, he had nothing to say. I guess he believed marriage was something totally different from what I believed

    • 3mo

      thats all a bunch of crap

What Girls Said 1

  • Its completely up to you now!
    He proposed and now is backing out two years later but it still is on your terms because you have been together for so long.

    Yes, marriage isn't necessary but it doesn't break a relationship. Its a ceremony for love and commitment if you desire to have it.
    If you desire being a wife - not just a girlfriend - then please say so!

    he shouldn't trap you in a situation you don't want to be in. You have the freedom to find someone new if this gives you insecurities.

    It really depends if you are sure you are right for each other.

    People ruin relationships. Not marriage.
    There are plenty of legal reasons to get married also.

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    • 3mo

      If he wants to truly be with you then a wedding shouldn't be a big deal.

    • 3mo

      Thanks, I have told him that too. I have so many mixed emotions right now

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