Anti-marriagers, would you have the ceremony/exchange rings without signing the marriage certificate?

I don't see marriage as making your relationship different, it's a new label for you two, and the reasoning of "government in my relationship" doesn't work for me because once you're living together for what 12-24 months you're basically legally married and the government still sees it that way, so government involved either way (and sometimes in those defacto's, breaking up can still lead to legalities in some countries).

But anyway, looking at putting that aside. People that DO want long term relationships but say not "marriage" because they're not religious/money/government etc. Why not (or would you for your partner) have the wedding ceremony but just not sign the document?

If you're with someone, who decided they wanted one after initially thinking they didn't, would you have the wedding, perhaps exchange rings as a symbol of love, but not officially signing a document? Would you do any of that or what is your limit?

Updates:
2mo Ok ignoring all the common law stuff, etc. Would you and your partner ever just put a ring on as a symbol or having a ceremony with some friends, a dress etc, but not sign the certificate. So literally, no legal proceedings happen that day. The next day you two are no "different" legally.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Short answer: Yes, but I am NOT getting married and I will have a what you call a "wedding" ceremony (Official commitment ceremony in my words), that is NOT as overpriced as traditional wedding ceremonies.

    Long answer:
    The "marriage" ceremony is a big waste of money. I do would celebrate anniversaries of a relationship (1 year since we're in a relationship, 2 years, 3 years). Did you look at how much a wedding ceremony cost?
    I could however celebrate a what you would call "wedding" ceremony but I would call it the "Officially committed" ceremony without going it as overpriced as weddings because those leave you in debt for YEARS!

    I actually like that idea. In no way to sign a marriage contract :)
    My love life is none of the governments business.

    A ring? Perhaps. As long as I am not getting married, I'm fine.

    To hell with marriage!

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    • 2mo

      Thank you for giving a detailed answer that actually answers my question!

      And I think you make sense in what you want/saying.

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    • 2mo

      Exactly, I just want a day, I've dreamed about having this romantic, loving day. But I can find cheap music, food, find a place that's free/cheap to hire etc.

      Like it won't necessarily be a CHEAP day, but it won't plunge us into debt any time soon either. It's just about doing it to your means, and not above them.

      And you won't feel like such a wreck afterwards either!

    • 2mo

      Aye :)
      I wish more girls an women would think and see it the same way as you do :( For some reason we live in a very monetized world with unrealistic expectations and standards :(

      Your suggestion sounds very good! I can see it now as a good and romantic way to truly relax without minding debts at all =)
      Sometimes the little things are really the best.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Im a christian. I dont care about govt marraige. The marriage I want is under god. So , it would be a certificate marriage.

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What Guys Said 14

  • No state in the US currently recognizes common law marriage. The states recognize common law marriages that began before the states stopped such recognition. They also recognize common law marriages that were begun in places where common law marriage was recognized at the time the marriage was initiated.

    In those places outside of the US where common law marriage is recognized, going through a marriage ceremony, referring to yourself as husband and wife, and doing the things that married couples do (such as joint bank accounts) will have the effect of creating a common law marriage. Once you are common law married, it is as effective as a ceremonial marriage and all of the rights and responsibilities of marriage attach. If you break up, you must get a divorce before you can remarry.

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    • 2mo

      The things you learn.
      I don't really know anything about America so I was just stating things I've heard here etc.

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    • 2mo

      In many Eudopean countries only the administrative marriage is valid: it should even be concluded *before* the religious marriage.

    • 2mo

      @jacquesvol In most places in the US, a marriage only requires the issuance of a marriage license and its completion by a notary public.

  • I would have no issue with that, my only issue with marriage is legal, that is its unfairness in its treatment to men. If that was fixed then I would have no problem with marriage at all so yes the ceremony would be fine if they wanted it.

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  • The religious stuff is the main thing for me. If they remove all religious contexts, I'd be perfectly fine with it. I hear that's there's a lot of legal stuff too, though I don't claim to understand any of it. So take that out too. The ceremony is fine. The rings are fine. So yeah, I'd be totally on board with basically a "love ceremony".

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    • 2mo

      My mum is similar, she isn't religious and in the vows where it says "to obey", she got that taken out and other stuff that didn't suit her and my step dad. I'm not religious, I want the ceremony for the many reasons but I wouldn't have it in a church "under god" etc.

    • 2mo

      Yeah same here pretty much. I actually like the idea of a ceremony with slow dancing and all that romantic stuff, just without the references to God and religion

  • I guess id do that.
    But I didn't know about the 12 - 24 month thing?
    What happens if you let a friend stay with you for a long time to help them out are you legally married to them.
    Or would your flat matters you have been sharing with for a few years make you illegally married to multiple people in the government's eyes?

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    • 2mo

      I'm not really sure, I just know "defacto" spouse is a thing, but apparently it's called common law and is less common now in the states. So I may be wrong about it. Flat mates and actually significant others are classed differently in living matters i think.

    • 2mo

      How do they prove you where dating them though you could have just been close frends that your frends thought where dating?

    • 2mo

      I don't know, it's one way people here get around their government rent assistance handouts. If you're living with a partner, then their income factors in (in my case, I'd get NO assistance). But if you say you're just friends, it doesn't. And there's no way to prove it. I have friends that lie about it

  • I might have signed the marriage certificate and gladly skipped the ceremony.
    Now I'd skip both

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  • what if i live together with a woman for 12-24 months and we are just friends, is the government still gonna treat it like a marriage? i hope not. and yes i would do the rings but a marriage is nor necessary.

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  • I would rather spend the money on some real lasting experiences far away on holiday.

    Any marriage should include a prenuptial agreement that clearly states what would happen to money, assets, property, pensions and children upon divorce.

    The wedding is nothing but a show or a boast and holds no deeper meaning. Its often done to satisfy the needs of others and to comply with social convention.

    Maybe I just don't get it. I got married because I thought it would make my wife happy and at the time I just wanted her to be happy.

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  • a blood pact would do?

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  • "I don't see marriage as making your relationship different,"

    In terms of the Law, it certainly does, particularly where "real property" and children are involved.

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    • 2mo

      Well, the law is one thing, but the law sees people who live together and own property together for what more than 12 months (in most places) as married too.

      For me, it "shouldn't" change your relationship though. As in who you are. How you see each other (is what I meant).

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    • 2mo

      Because the benefits of marriage have diminished and the risks have grown. When something rewards and pays off less, you get less of it.

    • 2mo

      She's asking about the ceremony and nothing else. If you didn't have a judge or an ordained minister there to legalize it but every other part of the wedding day was the same. So that means you'd be viewed the same before the ceremony as you are after in the eyes of the law.

  • Most males will agree that marriage is rather pointless, expensive, with no real incentive to follow through with the ceremony.
    Finding a female to share that same opinion may be a little more difficult.

    Just my opinion

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    • 2mo

      I know, I thought I'd see where people's limits are, I mean even just buying plain wedding bands as a symbol is something.
      But everyone on here that complains about marriage, complains about the stuff AFTER the wedding, not many just complain about the wedding itself.

      So thought I'd ask if people had a limit they'd go on things they may do for a partner.

  • No. That would be common law marriage and the court ass raping is no different.

    Not all states recognize cohabitation as equal to marriage after ANY time period

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  • Do I have to stand at the end of the aisle in a suit? 'Cause then yeah, no thanks.

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  • many people are actually forced too as there is little or no benefit to signing a marriage certificate and you get punished for it. Most people who dont get married today don't because they will lose welfare if they do and not be able to support their kids as most jobs are minimum wage. Someone will quote you figures and statistics showing how single mothers are on the rise but those figures are misleading

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  • No way.

    Fuck marriage and relationships both!!

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What Girls Said 2

  • The ceremony is even more pointless than the actual marriage. Waste of money.

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    • 2mo

      How is marraige a waste? I get that the ceremony might be a waste, but wouldn't you want to sign a contract and be with "the one" the rest of your life?

    • 2mo

      @Nickpalmer I don't need a contract to prove my love for someone so yeah it'd be a waste of time.

  • I used to love the idea of marriage. I was naive to think it would be a fully committed relationship that would last. My views have changed now though, because relationships don't seem to last for anyone

    I'm not interested in rings and ceromonies now. .

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