Were you nervous when you finally combined your bank accounts?

I'm so nervous. My husband and I have kept our accounts separate just out of habit but obviously we need to put it together. He is more than willing. He makes double what I make but I'm super careful with money. He doesn't over spend thankfully. His family is used to borrowing money but he doesn't allow them to since he's been with me and it's been a non-issue.

But im still SO NERVOUS. I'm also the one who has savings as he doesn't. It's our savings now, all $20,000 of it. I know he won't spend it but I saved it when i was single. It's just a weird feeling. I'm so nervous! I was nervous before he moved in. But it's been heaven. I'm so happy. So why does this make me nervous? I've never shared bank accounts before.

Any wisdom to help ease my mind? I think I'm just a nervous person. There is no logical reason to be nervous, I've also asked myself this. Only fear is him lending money which he has proven he does not have interest to do and was annoyed last time it was brought up and it has not been since (over a year ago now) I know he wouldn't but still freaks me out. We already talked about it that it wouldn't ever be ok. He did lend his mother money that she was supposed to pay back (400$) but she ended up not needing it. And that's all.

Updates:
2mo Also, the thing with his mom was before we were married when we were still in the beginning of our relationship so I just see it as a different time.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was not nervous, but my situation is probably different than yours. I'm in the upper range of income, so financial stress generally isn't an issue for me.

    Money is often a stress factor when you don't have tons of it. So I suspect that you and your spouse aren't rich. Hence, money is a source of stress for you. If you are describing lending $400 as a big issue, then I suspect you may be below average in your level of income. From my observations, money is a major factor in the health and well-being of a relationship. Most relationship breakdowns can be traced back to financial stress, with has a domino effect in causing other issues.

    Since you have already combined your accounts, there's not much more to stress about. It's done. Period. In business, people call this a "sunk cost".
    A sunk cost is something that has been incurred, and cannot be reversed or recovered.
    Basically, combining your accounts is an action that has been done. It's generally not reversible... unless you're willing to break that understanding of trust - which would ruin the relationship (i. e., I don't trust you so I want our accounts to be separate again).

    So by stressing out about it, you are basically harming yourself over something that cannot be changed. The point is, if the accounts are joined, and there is nothing that can be done to remedy it, MOVE ON. Focus on the things that can be done to alleviate your stress - like developing a mutual understanding that large purchases or withdrawals from the mutual account should be agreed upon by both people.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • DONT combine bank accounts. Ever. There is never any need to do this, its crazy and stupid. You are not being nervous, you have instincts for a reason and they are telling you not to do it. If you must have a joint account for bills etc, make sure you keep most of your savings separate and just pay into it what needs payed in.

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What Guys Said 2

  • why the hell would you ever combine bank accounts? its so unnecessary and money is one of the main reasons couples fight. My parents split over money and there was a long drawn out legal fight over who owned what.

    there is no need to combine bank accounts... you both keep your own but make a new account which you both pay equal amounts into to cover bills etc. the bills are paid, you both keep your own money and there are no unneeded arguments.

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  • Yess

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't see a reason to combine. You could share one account in which both of you put a certain percent into it while you keep your personal accounts separate.

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  • my parents account is combined since they're married (30+ years) and they have no problem with it

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  • it's understandable that you're nervous. sometimes it's hard to completely trust someone.

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