Have you had your "ideal" wedding ruined already?

Okay, okay so weddings aren't for everyone. And every situation is different.

But the "ideal" wedding is mother of the bride/groom there, father of the bride giving you away/your partner away, friends and family from both sides, etc etc. Details of flowers and dress are irrelevant.

How many of you have had to adapt that "fairytale" wedding (whether you are happy with that decision or not)

I've had to. My mother is no longer part of my life and my dad is disabled so the likelihood of him hopping me down the aisle is slim.

Anyone else?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nope mine is still on, deciding WHO to marry is a different story lol. By the time I'm honestly ready I think my girlfriend would have left.

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    • 2mo

      She would have already left? Wow...😅

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    • 2mo

      @redeyemindtricks Although we've bought a house together so that tag feels insufficient lol.

    • 2mo

      What are you waiting for?

      Not rhetorical question, not nagging question -- just honest question. From you, this surprises me.
      You seem to have a... refreshingly adult perspective on most things, so, I would think you would appreciate the idea of pretty much shitting or getting off the pot by this point.

Most Helpful Girl

  • "my dad is disabled so the likelihood of him hopping me down the aisle is slim"

    ^^ This actually made me start to cry.

    Girl.
    If yr father is still significant in yr life when you get married... then, if the aisle doesn't work, then the aisle can go fuck itself.

    The wedding is not the physical venue. The wedding is YOU, and the people you LOVE.

    Yr father should still give you away -- and any and all changes should be made so that he can.
    If he literally can't even MOVE by that point... and YOU have to push HIM down the aisle... then, guess who's gna be pushing whom.
    Hell, even modify the ceremony so that the two of you are just standing there, and everyone else congregates around you. Live a little! lol...

    I mean. This is not even a question. The logistics are irrelevant. It makes no difference whose arm or leg muscles are propelling whose body down the aisle.

    The only thing that matters is that he's alive, and he's yr father, and you love him, and he loves you, and goddamnit if you let someone else "give you away" just for the sake of walking down a stupid pathway, I'll fly out there and smack you in the head myself.

    __

    In my case, there were no female relatives at our wedding at all.
    My mother died when I was 2.
    My husband was a "foundling" who spent his childhood bouncing between the juvenile sheriff's department (where Miami sent orphans in the '70's) and various foster homes; he's rebuilt a relationship with one longtime foster father, whose last name he ultimately kept... no mother.
    He has no identifiable female relatives at all.
    My closest female relatives are cousins "once or twice removed" who live in Mexico and Colombia. At THIS point in our lives we could easily afford to fly them in; at that point we couldn't, nor could they easily afford things like passport processing (they had never had passports).

    So... the mother-of-the-bride role was graciously filled by my best friend's mother -- who I call "Ma" or "my mom" sometimes -- who is one of those sickeningly über-maternal women who literally does not understand the concept of life without children after age 25. (:

    A fairytale wedding, it sure as hell wasn't.
    But, it shouldn't have been. Because I HATED the idea of marriage, and of commitment for life... until pretty much right before I met That Man.

    And, my father was there. My savior, my mentor, my guide... my dad. And you fucking well bet I'd have pushed his ass down that aisle. I'd have pushed him for 500 miles if I'd had to.

    Dad.

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    • 2mo

      I love this.

      My dad is an amputee, only his toes but it's effected his knees so walking is a trouble for him. But he insists on trying so he isn't wheelchair bound.

      I will absolutely think of this though if my dad comes... I would prefer my dad was with me than one of brothers give me away.

      Thank you.

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    • 2mo

      her wedding -- and SHE didn't remember too many of the details of the ceremony itself, either. Just too much going on, too much attention directed to too many places.

      On the other hand, all of the *personal* moments -- obviously the vows, the first dances (we had 3 first dance songs), totally random moments with my father and my friends and my brothers -- THOSE are burned into my memory for absolutely the rest of my life.

      Because those are... the things that matter.

      I'm glad I could help here. <3

    • 2mo

      You or someone else can push your father down the aisle, then he could stand for the giving away part. I think that would satisfy him.

What Guys Said 4

  • I always knew my ideal wedding isn't going to happen lol

    there's simply no way I will be able to get a girl to dress like Zelda and recite our vowels in Hylian in front of her entire family.

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  • I could still do it the classic way... if I learn to know a girl and get very serious with her :D
    For the moment I'm totally single and looking out for that one sweetheart to pass by :D

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  • I don't fantasize about my wedding.

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  • I guess I roughly had that. My wife wasn't 'given away' by her father, rather they asked who blessed it, and all 5 parents (her mother & step mother) said 'we do'.

    Is your father in a wheelchair? Do you have siblings?

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    • 2mo

      He is on crutches and for long periods of standing is in a wheelchair. And I do, I have 4 brothers

    • 2mo

      The ideal isn't that your father physically walks you down the aisle.

      The ideal is that your family, those you are close with, escort you to the new family you are forming. Whether they are wheeling, pushing, whether its one of them, or two or all, what's 'ideal' is the family leading and supporting what's being formed. The rest are minor logistical details.

What Girls Said 5

  • Yes. I don't speak to most of my family so my guest list is gonna be so low lol

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  • Sure. Im weird. I wanted to get married in reno at a little church. and i did. But my mother wasn't there because she didn't like my husband, And my dad was there and made it about him. Me and my husband just whispered and joked about it to each other at the alter.

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    • 2mo

      How long have you been married?

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    • 2mo

      ... You've been married 3 years?

      Forgive me but is that legal where you are? Where I'm from your parents have to agree to it, I don't know about if one or both etc but yeah...

    • 2mo

      Washoe county in Reno, Nevada allows it with one parent.

  • Whats wrong with him being disabled? Or do you mean other than a wheelchair/ walking stick. And my mother won't be at my wedding whether I'll have one or not. She said anyone total bitch and so I couldn't give a shit about here.

    Either way it's yours and your partners wedding it doesn't matter about other people's ideals it matters about YOUR IDEAL WEDDING. And that's all there is to it, why should you care about other people if they can't understand your decision regarding who you'd want to spend your special day with then leave them.

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  • Nope

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  • I have major family issues and won't have my family apart of my life.

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