Was this really that wrong of me?

We are a newly wed couple just getting by fiancial wise. My husband also pays some of his parents rent because the house is also under his name. He pays more to them than for us, I pay some of our rent + groceries + car insurance.

now, I believed it was time for us to discuss money matters. Because HE brought up how we are just getting by and whatnot. So I made some suggestions that I can work on, and also he can work on. I kindly asked him if maybe he can ask his parents to negotiate maybe giving them a little bit less until we are more stable.
and he FLIPPED OUT. Saying how can I even say that etc.
I NEVER said he MUST do it. It was just a suggestion. I am not angry that he won't cut the $ he gives to them, because he said he never will. I said its totally okay.

I am hurt at the fact that I feel afraid to bring such things up. This is a marriage. It is about COMMUNICATION. No matter how risky or sensitive it is.. shouldn't I be able to discuss such things with my HUSBAND?
I feel sooo bad now. I am crying.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Well he can't really give any less if it's rent, because i presume they will be evicted If they don't meet the payments right?

    He did overreact though, you're right you should be able to talk about those things.

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    • 1mo

      Its not rent. Its a house, so mortgage.
      His parents work 2 jobs each. In my opinion, they are fully capable of paying it. But im not gonna bring that up to him. Because his parents would rather have US live in their basement to keep him close by..(only son). But i didn't want that so we got a place to rent. And he still thinks living with them would be better financial wise.

      It would. But not for MY wellbeing at all. They are not nice people. They have blackmailed me, his sisters sent me hate mail. His mom is very rude to me. Why would I want to live with them? All because im "taking him away"!! ?

      He could defintely cut down how much he gives them. But he won't. Most wives would be mad at this in itself and tho it upsets me a bit, im more upset at how he acts like im the devil just for making a suggestion.

    • 1mo

      Hmm was there no indication that he's a mummy's boy before you got married? He needs to do some growing up and to become his own man.

    • 1mo

      I knew he was.

      But it never showed as much before if that makes sense. Dont get me wrong- i love how family oriented he is. But its a bit too much when your own wife feels she can't speak up.

      I shouldn't have to feel bad for discussing. Thats all. He may not know it but he is already "choosing" them over me. And I hate that whole choose one over the other ordeal. He hates it too. But he kinda is here

  • NO!! It was most certainly not wrong of you at all! His responsibility is to you, not to his parents. ESPECIALLY not if you're that financially impacted.

    You did nothing wrong at all!

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    • 1mo

      Thank you! I needed that reassurance.
      Its not rent. Its a house, so mortgage.
      His parents work 2 jobs each. In my opinion, they are fully capable of paying it. But im not gonna bring that up to him. Because his parents would rather have US live in their basement to keep him close by..(only son). But i didn't want that so we got a place to rent. And he still thinks living with them would be better financial wise.

      It would. But not for MY wellbeing at all. They are not nice people. They have blackmailed me, his sisters sent me hate mail. His mom is very rude to me. Why would I want to live with them? All because im "taking him away"!! ?

      He could defintely cut down how much he gives them. But he won't. Most wives would be mad at this in itself and tho it upsets me a bit, im more upset at how he acts like im the devil just for making a suggestion.

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    • 1mo

      These red flags came up AFTER marriage, in my defense. None of this happened before.

      I got along very well with his family before. marriage.

    • 1mo

      "He broke that dream 3 weeks before the wedding because his parents said they need him here."

      That's one VERY big red flag before the wedding. And I guarantee if you thought about it you'd come up with more.

      He's not his parents' fucking keeper. It's on them to ensure they don't lose the house... Not on him. They are fucking adults and if they don't have their life together it doesn't then fall on the children to pick up the slack.

      The family red flags goes back to him failing as a husband for but standing up for you. I would never in a million fucking years allow ANYone to speak to or about my wife like that when we were married. And now that we're divorced I still don't.

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