Less committed without a ring?

While I would not date other men or go to singles parties or text with men flirtatiously, and obviously I wouldn't hook up or kiss the opposite sex now...

i feel like emotionally there will always be some distance between myself and my boyfriend until he proposes. I am getting more comfortable with him but until he asks me to be his wife and puts a ring on my finger he could be gone at any moment, I don't view our relationship as necessarily permanent until he ties me down, and I would not date him for years without a ring.

Does antone else feel this way?

Updates:
20d I don't understand how men don't realize that having a baby with a woman is a bigger responsibility than marrying her.

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What Guys Said 13

  • It's a fairly common feeling. Even moreso in the past. These days though the idea of marriage has changed. It's become a convenience for taxes and insurance and something you can get rid of almost as easily as that ring you want on your finger.

    You are right, he could be gone, he could feel free to date someone else, but a ring doesn't make him stay. Unfortunately marriage means different things to different people now. It's rarely considered sacred, special and even more rare to find people that consider divorce not an option.

    Relationships are hard work, but just like anything that you put a lot of work into, it can turn into an amazing part of you that is hopefully bigger than you both.

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  • If getting married is so important to you, you can always propose to him.

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  • I would expect some people to feel this way but to be honest that wouldn't matter to me - I probably won't get married if the situation arose just prefer to cohabit and have kids.

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  • It's not an uncommon feeling but you're delusional if you think a ring makes a relationship better.

    Also, consider that you holding back might be precisely the reason why he doesn't propose to you.

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  • Yup! Need to keep your slave shackled in ball & chain because he might run away. LOL!

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  • I know someone who felt like that. MY EX! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

    Fuck. ;_;

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  • Yes I agree.

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  • That's totaly understandable. The problem is many guys are not ready to settle down.

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  • Yes because divorce is totally not a thing.

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  • Many people have rings... and they don't mean a damn thing. Go ask all of the divorced and heartbroken people in the world. What you guys need is counseling to get at the core issues that are preventing TRUE commitment. Getting a piece of overpriced rock is not the path to resolving issues...

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  • I will probably never get married again because all it is, is a way for someone to screw over a man legally.
    I would agree to a lasting, long term relationship, but not put myself in financial jeopardy again.

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    • 20d

      Plus, why would you want someone legally bound to you? Isn't it better if someone stays together because they love you instead of having financial penalties if they leave?
      I would even have kids with someone, because I really want a family, but I still wouldn't get married.

  • Wow this right here shows women insecurities. They want marriage because they constantly fear the man will leave them and want to have a ball and chain on him in the form of divorce rape to keep him from ever wanting to leave her.

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    • 20d

      Uh that's so not the point.. Take your liberal ass propaganda elsewhere please.

  • Not the ones that don't plan on marrrying

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    • 20d

      *update* of course I realize that about having a baby, I had 3 kids of my own and was married but I doubt I'll get married again

What Girls Said 9

  • No, I don't. I don't feel that a ring or marriage concretes you to a person for anything other than legal reasons. If anything, I feel I'm more likely to be with my partner for the RIGHT reasons without being married, because I know then that I'm with them out of CHOICE and not because I'm legally bound to them.

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  • Anyone can leave your life at anytime. We have to remember that we can only control ourselves and worrying needlessly is harmful to our health. That being said, the best way to avoid controlling him or worrying is to talk to him directly and try using "I" statements like "I love you, but I feel insecure about our relationship. Are you as committed to this as I am, because I'm worried you're going to leave me. I just want to understand how you feel about all this. I want to feel secure in knowing where our relationship is going." Not being direct is unfair to the other person. We have to give them a chance for their voice to be heard. I hope this helps. I believe communication is the most important thing and we have to cut out unhealthy behaviors so they don't cripple the relationship.

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  • No, I don't feel at all this way. Holding back until you have a ring on your finger doesn't make sense to me at all. You commit because you love them - that you want a life together and because you're willing to be vulnerable with that one person.
    If you aren't willing to do that for them why would they want to give you a symbol of forever?

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  • I think you have the right attitude. You are right - the relationship could end - either one of you losing interest or him getting a dream job in another city or country and realizing he can't make it work with you anymore. You are being realistic and protecting your own pride and dignity and heart and that is what you should be doing.

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    • 20d

      He asked me what if I go a job in another state that pays a lot would I let him come on the weekends to see me? i said hmm... cause in my head I was thinking "why wouldn't you just marry me then" I didn't say it out loud though. He said "but I'm
      Your man!" Ok then be my husband

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    • 20d

      He asked me if I think he is a keeper. I said perhaps.

    • 19d

      5 months might be too early to expect a proposal. I would wait at least another 6 or 7 months to conclude he is baiting you and has no serious intentions.

  • I don't really feel that way, not that i think you are wrong or anything, it's just not how i personally feel.

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  • I'm in complete agreement because I am going through this exact same thing right now of a person with three years in. I recently told him if you aren't going to commit by now, you will never marry me. So, I cut everything off, especially sex. So now I get to see the true colors of someone. I even through a bone in the loop and said, "if sex is so much more of a need, then go have sex elsewhere and come back when you want to commit"

    But with me saying that, I'm just waiting to see if he will actually take that option and run with it, only to find out that, he will never have a chance with me again if he does.

    As a woman, and as you get older your desires for things and needs change. It comes to a point that just "in a relationship" is no longer good enough. Because if your doing everything a married couple does, he's never going to be interested in marriage any sooner because he's already getting his cake and eating it too.

    I also look at it as this person is having second guesses about being in a committed relationship with me.

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    • 20d

      Good for you. Cutting off everything and being underhanded (dishonest) with him is such a great thing for your relationship. I hope he leaves you and finds someone else that isn't so messed up. It must be so terrible to have a faithful guy that has stuck with you for years.

    • 20d

      You are completely right. Men here are so bitter and angry at the world. Women are allowed to want to get married. If it's just a piece of paper why would signing it bother them so much if they're committed any way eh?

    • 19d

      @AynonOMouse , this is the answer from a person who has no idea about the relationship I've encountered. If I was to tell you more background on my situation that he was abusive verbally, and physical, he used sex to control me, and he isolated me, let's see AS a MAN would you still disagree to my choice. He didn't stick by my side because he wanted to. He stayed because it WAS beneficial, while I was with him because OF LOVE. So before you wish doom and gloom on someone's circumstance, understand that every thing has a back story. But that was none of YOUR business for me to go In detail.

  • I feel 100% the same way. If he wants me forever he should put a ring on it. If i meet someone that i connect with and wants to settle down (unless i have a ring) then that wouldn't stop me

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  • Yes. I feel exactly the same.
    He's just not part of my family. Those are the people I feel closest to and I would like to have him as part of my family one day as well.
    I see a lot of guys disregarding marriage as just a piece of paper or an archaic way to guarantee for the survival of gender roles and whatever their imaginative minds come up with, but at the end of the day I wanna come home to a guy who is my husband and who wants me to be part of his family.

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    • 20d

      Exactly. And if it's just a paper why are they so scared to sign it? A marriage is just a celebration of your commitment that gives both of you legal rights.

  • Exactly!

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