Should the past be revealed to your new wife?

This is my second marriage and my first husband whom I was married to for 23 1/2 years cheated and lied. My second husband whom I adore and trust completely has a lets say large past. He will only tell me parts of it and hates talking about it. It makes me feel like there is a wedge between us. I have no real past to speak of. This drives me crazy. Should I learned to live with it or keep talking to him about it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that he needs to open up to you even if it's slowly. I am not sure if he endured something tragic or very painful, or is the type of man that has a hard time opening up. Whatever the case may be, he married you therefore he should trust you implicitly. I am surprised you didn't broach this subject with him prior to marrying him. However, I encourage you to have him open up to you. I mean after all, you deserve to know the man you married. Whatever happened in his past is done but he owes it to you to share it. Just be loving, reaffirming and don't judge him (unless there is a basis for it).

    Good luck.

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What Guys Said 1

  • i want to know there past. But I'm still young I can be choosey

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    • So you are saying that when people get older they can't be choosey? how ridiculous - age has nothing to do with it

    • Im just saying after a 23 year marriage that's some baggage. heavy heavy baggage

What Girls Said 1

  • Whilst I totally understnad your desire to know more about your husbands past I am confused as to why this issue wasn't reseolved before you married?

    You seem to have been very happy to take such a large step and commit yourself to this man without knowing all the details so it seems starnge that your "need to know" has suddenly appeared with such a vengence.

    i do wonder if something has happened or is happening in yopur marriage which is causing you to ask questions and that despite your assurances that you "trust him completely" you are actually having some doubts. You don't say how long you have been married or if it was a whirlwind romance - if you are still a relatively new couple maybe thses doubts are just part fo the settling down period that all couples go through.

    As far as how to deal with your desire to know- you really have 2 choices...either accept his reluctance to share and learn to deal with your own fears and doubts around his past...or keep pushing to know more. that second choice brings the risk that you will push your husband away completely or even that you will force him into telling you things you actually don't wnat to hear...remember he may be hiding his past for many reaons ,not least a fear of losing you...

    If you really cannot cope without knowing perhaps couples counselling is the answer - sometimes a dsiinterested thrid party can help resolve matters but you will need his cooperation for that.

    In the end you have to decide - is knowing all his dirty laundry from the past more important than the husband you have right now...today...and is the life you have built together worth gambling on information which is not only past and gone but about which you can have no control and do nothing about?

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    • Im just saying after a 23 year marriage that's some baggage. heavy heavy baggage

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