Is he over me?

I've been in a relationship for almost 7 years now. It took about a year and a half to get him to tell me he loved me. After that, for about a year and a half, everything seemed like it was going great. We were still in school, and we were living together and I thought we were really happy together. But as soon as he finished his master's degree (3 years into relationship) , he sunk into what must have been a depression, although I didn't see it at the time. I noticed he started treating me different. Less patient with me, not as gentle, not as sweet, and A LOT less sex. For a year this went on (4 years) until he got a job offer "back home" and moved in with his parents. I didn't leave because I have a really good job that pays well (better than his new job), but I did immediately start looking for jobs near his home so we could continue our lives together. For the first year of being apart, it seemed like he reverted to his sweet self. He would drive to visit me every three weeks or so, and we scheduled weekly phone dates to skype or play games or whatever. Then after a year, he started turning into the jerk again. Now, we've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years, and I'm miserable. He, on the other hand, is loving it. He says he's much happier where he is and loves his job. He also has been canceling our "date nights" to pursue his hobbies (i.e. poker with mom, fishing with dad, band gigs). I feel like he's happier without me, but he says he wants to marry me. I asked him why he hasn't proposed and he says he's not gonna propose to someone who lives 350 miles away. When I tell him we only live 350 miles away because of him, and it's not really fair to punish me because of it. He says "I'm not punishing you. It has nothing to do with you. I'm just not gonna do it" and gets all bitchy and hangs up the phone. Since I can't drive 350 miles to slap him, I'm stuck waiting to talk about it the next day. He does this often; the hanging up and putting all his phones off the hook so I get a busy signal. Its really frustrating because I can never get a straight answer out of him, or work out any problems. He seems to think that if we're speaking kindly to each other, the problem must have gone away. Dumb ass. I told him I don't want to waste any more time if he's not sure about me and that if we're not going to take it to the next level (marriage) I think its better to call it off. I finally bugged him enough about the proposal stuff that he said he'll propose by this December. Then threw in the caveat that if he doesn't I could leave him. I don't want to waste another 6 months if this isn't going to go anywhere. Are his actions speaking louder than his words? He's 30. Is he Peter Pan..the boy who never grew up? Or is he really just over me? Should I stick around? I love him, and I think he loves me, but I'm ready to settle down and I want to do it with someone who wants to settle down with me. Is he the one?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Woman, your on his leash and he can do whatever and your waiting patiently. imagine actually getting married to this guy, imagine this is your whole life, imagine raising kids yeah there is the good times but are you sure your not just hoping for the good times, you know they aren't there. I don't know all of the details of course but, I think your only hope of gaining the respect you deserve is break up. give it a month or two and really see how your life is away from each other. If after a while he still wants you back and is obviously respecting you maybe give it a shot. I hate to say it but for a masters graduate he seems very childish, he may be a wuss and just is hoping you'll get the message a break up with him. I would say tell him straight why you aren't happy and let him know what things need to be different, hell either want to work TOGETHER or not, and if not you will know. A break will really make him respect you the way you deserve if he does love you. If you do decide to take a break, actually take a break.. he will probably try to get you back right away with lots of promises and sorrys just remember talk is very very cheap.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I don't think he knows what he wants yet. You could make up a date for him to propose to you by and if he doesn't do it by then, Then leave him.

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  • In the words of Tom Cruise in Top Gun:

    "Ahh, it doesn't look good."

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  • Drop it...it will be hard but it seems like your wasting his time. If he wanted to marry you...he would have proposed and not made some BS excuse of "oh we live 350 miles apart" Another thing, he shouldn't be cancelling dates with you to do hobbies...espcially if he only sees you every 3 weeks. Either he will be running back asking for your hand pretty quick or it's done.

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  • He is a Douche Bag and probably Bi-Polar. No grown man should play silly little high school games, and hanging up constantly is just childish and disrespectful! Move on, it will be his loss.

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  • Leave him and move on

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What Girls Said 7

  • This is going nowhere. NHe is NOT the one. and what do you mean... it took you HOW long to get him to tell you HE LOVED YOU? Sweetie-- any guy who LOVES you will be falling al over you to tel you without you forcing it out of him! Watch his actions. Peter Pan is not a good prospect for you. I was with one of those. They never grow up. Do you want to be his MOM? I decided I wanted a MAN - a partner. so I dumped my Peter Pan. Do not marry a guy who is immature. He will NEVER be there for you - he will always be selfish - self centered - and you will become bitter, resentful, angry and lonely. Is this what you want? You bugged him about proposals? WHY? Why are you forcing him to do ANYTHING he doesn't want to do! YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER. LET HIM GO... There are guys out there who would ADORE YOU and you wouldn't have to force them to do ANYTHING. That's not love ~ He's telling you waht you want to hear and getting everything he wants. Stop being a fool. He does not love you. Sorry. Hugz.

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  • he seems to treat you badly girl!

    when my fiance proposed to me, he proposed and mentioned marriage a lot. The actual proposal was 1 hour long and he went on and on about how perfect our life would be, that we wouldn't have to worry about money at all and how I was the love of his life and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me making me happy... I asked him tons of questions for another hour and he answered them all right (questions like, how do you know I'm the one? why do you really want to marry me? is it long distance? because he's in Italy and I'm in the US, or is it because we are coming of age? we are both 24, is it because ... etc etc... tons of questions) and he answered them all right... and then I said, yes I'll marry you some day... and he was super mega happy and wanted a wedding right away... we wed 3 short months afterwards... now happily married... but yeah, if he really wants you he would have been asking and asking and asking... begging to marry you girl... find someone new maybe... someone who will be so super excited and can't wait to marry you and make you happy forever. good luck

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  • Ok , so I know you're probably reading all these answers and maybe saying to yourself "well they don't really know how it is with us so really I should maybe wait"...or something like that. My advice is this...test him...and for yourself as well this test...Break it off with him, tell him why...he's selfish, immature (the hang ups, not talking like an adult, etc. ), doesn't wanna settle down, etc. After ya'll break up, he may contact you repeatedly... DON'T give him the time of day...wait at LEAST 2-3 weeks and see if he is still contacting you...maybe even a month, the longer the better. ...If you really mean something to him, he will do what it takes to get you back...If he does nothing, then girl you did the right thing by breaking it off with him and moving on and finding somebody who will finally appreciate you and love you to the fullest...Look you deserve it, we all deserve someone good...so figure it out. Good luck

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  • No - I think he enjoys having someone so far away that is attached to him and waiting at his beck-and-call. It really sounds like he's more into the idea of someone wanting him than marriage (ego-boost)... but so what if you two get married... What about your job? What about his? How is this going to work? I say spend the next 6 months getting over him and seeking out a new partner - one who is willing to be near you, spend QUALITY time with you, etc. Not one who just enjoys the thought of you wasting your time on him...You're young. You'll find someone worth it in no time.

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  • leave him be. and move on... don't even think about him... because the person that will get hurt, is you... and we don't want that! 7 years is a long time... and it can be painful, and you never know what can happen in the future. who know destiny may be fair and reunite each other. but take care of yourself. give it some time...

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  • I don't think he's ready for the marriage life. I suggest that you don't force him to propose to you. I mean, what if you did get married and it didn't work out so well? If you can't fix things in the dating level, how confident are you that you could fix things when you're already married?

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  • Let it go. Any men worth of your attention and love will be showering you with it himself.

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