I've been in a relationship for almost 7 years now. It took about a year and a half to get him to tell me he loved me. After that, for about a year and a half, everything seemed like it was going great. We were still in school, and we were living together and I thought we were really happy together. But as soon as he finished his master's degree (3 years into relationship) , he sunk into what must have been a depression, although I didn't see it at the time. I noticed he started treating me different. Less patient with me, not as gentle, not as sweet, and A LOT less sex. For a year this went on (4 years) until he got a job offer "back home" and moved in with his parents. I didn't leave because I have a really good job that pays well (better than his new job), but I did immediately start looking for jobs near his home so we could continue our lives together. For the first year of being apart, it seemed like he reverted to his sweet self. He would drive to visit me every three weeks or so, and we scheduled weekly phone dates to skype or play games or whatever. Then after a year, he started turning into the jerk again. Now, we've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years, and I'm miserable. He, on the other hand, is loving it. He says he's much happier where he is and loves his job. He also has been canceling our "date nights" to pursue his hobbies (i.e. poker with mom, fishing with dad, band gigs). I feel like he's happier without me, but he says he wants to marry me. I asked him why he hasn't proposed and he says he's not gonna propose to someone who lives 350 miles away. When I tell him we only live 350 miles away because of him, and it's not really fair to punish me because of it. He says "I'm not punishing you. It has nothing to do with you. I'm just not gonna do it" and gets all bitchy and hangs up the phone. Since I can't drive 350 miles to slap him, I'm stuck waiting to talk about it the next day. He does this often; the hanging up and putting all his phones off the hook so I get a busy signal. Its really frustrating because I can never get a straight answer out of him, or work out any problems. He seems to think that if we're speaking kindly to each other, the problem must have gone away. Dumb ass. I told him I don't want to waste any more time if he's not sure about me and that if we're not going to take it to the next level (marriage) I think its better to call it off. I finally bugged him enough about the proposal stuff that he said he'll propose by this December. Then threw in the caveat that if he doesn't I could leave him. I don't want to waste another 6 months if this isn't going to go anywhere. Are his actions speaking louder than his words? He's 30. Is he Peter Pan..the boy who never grew up? Or is he really just over me? Should I stick around? I love him, and I think he loves me, but I'm ready to settle down and I want to do it with someone who wants to settle down with me. Is he the one?
Most Helpful Guy
Woman, your on his leash and he can do whatever and your waiting patiently. imagine actually getting married to this guy, imagine this is your whole life, imagine raising kids yeah there is the good times but are you sure your not just hoping for the good times, you know they aren't there. I don't know all of the details of course but, I think your only hope of gaining the respect you deserve is break up. give it a month or two and really see how your life is away from each other. If after a while he still wants you back and is obviously respecting you maybe give it a shot. I hate to say it but for a masters graduate he seems very childish, he may be a wuss and just is hoping you'll get the message a break up with him. I would say tell him straight why you aren't happy and let him know what things need to be different, hell either want to work TOGETHER or not, and if not you will know. A break will really make him respect you the way you deserve if he does love you. If you do decide to take a break, actually take a break.. he will probably try to get you back right away with lots of promises and sorrys just remember talk is very very cheap.3