Been with boyfriend 15 years, still no proposal, should I stay or go?

We have been together since I was 18. He cheated on me 7 years ago, but we got over that and he tells me how much he loves me and how attractive I am all the while. However, I have always been the main 'bread-winner' and the stable one with a good job. In the past he has been unemployed and quit his job just cos he didn't like it. He has recently become unemployed again, leaving me to try and sort out the mortgage. Until a few weeks ago he has always used weed quite a lot. I know he loves me and would be devastated if I left. But I don't know if I can wait any longer for him to turn into a real man, get a proper job and ask me to marry him. Am I being a mug or cow?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • hmmn that is a long time, but after I read the full question, it sounds like this is the time your boyfriend needs you the most, he needs you to be supportive and needs to see that even without a job you still love him and aren't some golddigger or anything, a man always needs a woman to cheer him on and motivate him to get a better job and just be there for him...otherwise that man has no value...i think the fact that he has his failed jobs and stress he can't focus on marriage right now, marriage is a very happy time in life, that also comes with a lot of expenses and guests that come and judge you and stuff, and he won't be ready for it until he feels secure and successful with a nice job...you just have to motivate him and show him some love...

    i think he needs to be cheered up, and not until he gets a nice job he can't think of marriage. men are always insecure about their financial status...so just help out with that and if you find that after he gets a new job he is still not popping the question then you can bring it up to him and let him know its bothering you...but right now I think its wrong timing..

    the weed you should just tell him you don't like it and he needs to stop if he respects u

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What Guys Said 4

  • I don't have a problem with the cheating 7 years ago... he made a mistake, and it sounds like the two of you got through it. You don't indicate you have any concerns about that now, so I don't see that as an issue.

    He doesn't had a stable job, and he quit his last job because he doesn't like it? In this economy, he quit a job?

    And he is using drugs. Which also aren't free, so how is he paying for them? And the use of drugs makes it that much more difficult for him to get a job -- in addition to probably reducing his motivation to get a job.

    You talk about the mortgage... is his living with you? Well, actually, it sounds like he might be living off of you.

    If he respected you and didn't have respect for himself right now, I can see how you might want to consider helping him through that. But this isn't a "rough patch" he is going through, this is a long term pattern of behavior, isn't it?

    But he also doesn't show respect for you... did he talk with you about quitting his job, and did the two of you agree with it? It doesn't sound like it.

    You are being used...

    You need to turn your own life into what you want it to be... but nothing in what you have said indicates that you are getting anything that you want out of life, and he certainly isn't going to help you find it.

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  • "I know he loves me"

    But do you love him? 15 years isn't a short period to hang around someone you don't love.

    To know what to do, ask yourself this question, "If he remains the way he has been for the past 15 years for the rest of his life, what would I do?"

    Obama says "Change!" But any mature person (including himself) knows you can't get any real change out of anyone who sees no need to change, or want to change. This is why I recommend you asking yourself that "change question" above.

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  • what you tell suggests that he irresponsible. I don't mean to say that you love him or not (and vice versa) but he should have been a stable man now. He even has not proposed you yet - that is another issue. Now how long you will wait, that depends upon you. But I think that time has come to give him a deadline (may be 1 year) that tooo if you are very generous because you already might be 32+.

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  • if you do have faith in him ,...then you can wait and watch .

    also you can help him to be the real man .

    if you love him then be with him .because spaces once created for someone are never filled up again byu another person.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Logically, you should leave him. He is using you to take care of him. He isn't going anywhere, and using weed isn't helping him get a job. I would've dumped him when he cheated, but that's just me. I don't think cheaters can really change. You should have a serious talk with him and tell him that he needs to get a job and stop smoking weed(which will help him get a job). It seems like he's going in a downward spiral and I don't think you should be taken down with him. He is being a leech. These are strictly only my opinions though.

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  • Stay with him if you wanna get used...otherwise time he packed his bag and found somewhere else to live and continue his drug habit! He's had issues that even you can't even help him with, he has no sense if responsibilty, are you serious you wanna marry this guy? For what? Is he gonna pay for the wedding if he doesn't work what's he going to use as a ring to propose to you...maybe he can make you a ring out of his smoking paper! You keep giving and he'll keep taking, if you marry him how you going to feed your children? With one income it's going to be more trouble than it's worth!

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  • he doesn't want to marry you. he's just using you until something "better" comes along. he's with you out of convenience. you can do better. you're the catch in this relationship, not him. if he was smart he'd be begging you for marriage but it's clear you're witha loser. if he loves you so much, why won't he marry you? you've been together for 15 years and he's been sponging off you like a mooch it doesn't sound like he really loves you. he's the parasite and you're the host. he needs you but isn't in love with you. he's not a real man.

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  • you spent 15 years with him and still don't know? dang girl, that's a lot of time! you can leave hi and find someone better if you really want to.

    -he does weed? tell him to stop if you don't like it, my guy does too and I tell him to stop all the time.

    -he has no job? tell him to look for one. My boyfriend doesn't care if I don't get a job because he works and gets paid enough for both of us. But I am looking for a job, any job is better than none

    -he has not proposed? that's so bad! why don't you propose to him? because my guy proposed after about 3 months. 15 years is a long time to propose

    -and he cheated on you once? how do you know he didn't cheat on you and hide it? once a cheater always a cheater! dang.. I'm always afraid my guy will cheat on me too, just because he has bragged about his ex so much. =(

    good luck. what ever you decide, I hope you happiness

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