Hi, I'm 21 this year, my boyfriend is 29 and we're going through this rough patch where I really need to get out of. By the way, we're both from Singapore, so we're slightly more conservative about sex/relationships than it is in the West Anyway here goes,
I happen to be a very very principled girl. I believe very strongly in no sex until marriage and the sanctity of a relationship. My boyfriend though has had sexual activity with his first girlfriend abt 8 years ago. I admit that I cannot accept it but leaving him would hurt him very deeply cause well, my boyfriend loves me very much and sees me as a marriage partner in the very near future. He said his ex-gf was from a broken family and stuff and was the one who instigated sex and as for him, he had his principles but it was thrown out the window in the moments/passionate love.
He thought then the relationship would have lasted and it was true love, though they only got tog out of the fact that he cared a lot/pitied her (the ex), they lived tog etc. the ex, then 20 was well, uneducated and used to cry a lot at home due to her family. he said she was very immature and had a lot of frustrations which she took out on him a lot. like when she was cooking and couldn't do it, she would throw things ard, and she would have quarrels in public, not apologize when she hit someone on accident or sth. etc. she wasn't a virgin before she met him and then cheated on him later for another guy. they lasted about 1plus-2 yrs.
I felt it was naive of him then to think it was true love though, cause his former rlshp was too toxic and unhealthy. and that the act of sex wasn't even an act of true love from him and his ex, given the personality of his ex-gf, I just felt it was two people with very messed up self-esteems then doing stuff, to either feel wanted or loved. and cause of her behavior, it just shows she doesn't value herself and her body and he, well, he didn't have self-control. I just feel that cause he didn't save it for his future gf/wife, that in a sense I'm disrespected (though we were both nowhere in each others' lives then, I don't buy that argument btw) and that maybe I could find someone w/more similar values as mine. He wants me to give him and the relationship more time though.
So well, I am undecided about leaving or staying. And its so complex I'm at a loss as to how to move forward =/ can someone mature help me out?
Most Helpful Guy
I can't quite figure out how he could have survived 8 years without sex, let me tell you as a Singapore guy, done ns and got to strive out at work in this society where women speak of equality, go look around? It's not diff to get to sleep with a gal, so move on! He is not for you, the baggage is too much a risk to bring into marriage. You need a good virgin and honest guy. He isn't...1