Are you scared of marriage?

my parents are divorced, so obviously marriage doesn't seem such a safe option to me after seeing my mother suffer.

does it affect you too? (whether with divorced parents or not..)

do you feel like marriage is a cage?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, marriage and commitment doesn't scare me. Marriage is a piece of paper. The relationship is what's the hardest part. Marriage isn't easy, but if you're really intent on having a great marriage you need EXCELLENT communication. My parents are divorced too, but it's taught me what I don't want in a partner and what kind of arguments I don't want to have (petty ones with name-calling and low blows).

    The divorce rate isn't actually 2/3 marriages anymore, that statistic is wrong. It's actually a bit lower than that.

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    • omg that's what I learned from my parents too - communication is the key! :)

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    • Totally! lol I feel much better :-)

    • Good, I'm glad. :)

What Guys Said 12

  • In my opinion, the majority of people aren't capable of maintaining a marriage. They aren't good enough at communicating, or trusting, or compromising, or synergising, or any number of other things that are required to stave off the personal resentment that one inevitably builds toward a person they spend a great deal of time around. I think the stats back me up too, given that the divorce rate is over 50%.

    Honestly, I think you should only marry somebody if you don't believe you need marriage to get them to stay with you forever. The idea that marriage is somehow a commitment is old and no longer applies in our reality. Marriage is only a commitment today in so far as you are committing to staying with this person until the cost of being with them out weighs the cost of a lawyer. If a legal contract, a ring, and a bunch of wedding photos is what you think you need to get somebody to commit to you, then maybe you're the one who needs to be committed.

    In fact, I think people would work harder to stay together and make their relationship work if they didn't have this idea that their bond is "official" and somehow made permanent by a marriage license. I've seen lots of couples change after they get married, because one or both of them now has it in their head that the other is somehow obligated to tolerate poor behavior now that they are married. Something like that actually serves to ruin a relationship, not reinforce it.

    Am I scared of marriage? No. I just think it's not such a great idea anymore.

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    • "Honestly, I think you should only marry somebody if you don't believe you need marriage to get them to stay with you forever" - very wise ;)

  • I do not feel marriage is a cage, but I am slightly scared of it. But it really depends on the person I marry. If I ever take this step, I'll make sure we are comfortable and that we've spent time getting to know each other as best we could. Having her as a best friend first, would help.

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  • Most people think marriage is magic, that it somehow makes everything OK. It doesn't. It simply mean that breaking up is a lot harder than it would be otherwise. My parents had 5 marriages between them, one of which was happy. That isn't a problem with marriage so much as the people participating.

    I've been married 18 years, most of it quite happy. It isn't always easy and we had to work out the details for ourselves (for example, we both can have sex with other other people and house work is done by the person with more freetime).

    Marriage is something you build yourself and there are some folks who do it very well and others that hardly bother at all. I suggest making sure you find someone who wants to spend their life building a life with you rather than someone who more concerned with what they are going to get out of it.

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  • Well, I get really excited when I hear about someone's getting married or someone or me will attend at someone's wedding. This marriage thing is really efficient in our society. It's the starting of a reproduction of human beings. Well, you can also have kids without getting married to a guy but don't you think that would look totally inappropriate?

    I, personally, feel that without getting married you won't be able to learn each and every step in life. By by marrying, you bring a lot of responsibility and you'll feel better :)

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    • i like what you said. but still, divorce sounds so painful and hard to get through (the person you are closest to and most exposed to in the whole wide world, abandoning you like that )

      that I'm scared to take the risk of getting married to my boyfriend - there are no 100% guarantees in life I know, and I just have to trust him. what if he's not the one or he is, but something goes wrong?

      I don't want to suffer like my mum suffered.

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    • so it should be all good unless he does those things basically..?

      i agree that its normal for couples to fight, and that they shouldn't just give in and divorce when things get tough but should work on it!

  • I'm not scared of marriage. I feel like it can be a cage, especially if you have children. My mother hates a lot of things my dad does and yells at him almost everyday and yet she stays with him because she knows that she can't take care of herself on her own. And my dad is staying with my mom because he thinks if they got a divorce that I would suffer. But I wouldn't suffer.

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    • but how do you know?!?! you have no guarantee for the future whether you will suffer or not, you know what I mean?

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    • I think the reason people get married in the first place is because they want to show each other that they love each other so much that they want all their friends and family to know. And they want a day that they can remember one of their happiest times of their lives. Also because they just love the idea of the tradition. Its also because the guys want to post the pics of the wedding online & put them on their desk at work & then other guys will be jealous.

    • Its also because couples get a bigger tax break.

  • No. I dream of the day I can call the love of my life my wife.

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  • I'd rather risk divorce than stay single.

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    • mmm so you're saying you would rather marry even someone who will treat you badly just so you wouldn't stay single?

      what if you're happier single than married?

  • sorta id be afraid that it isn't the right person for me and that there's someone else out there that ill meet and that ill have to get divorced

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  • Am not scared of marriage but I don't wanna stop chasing after girls...lol

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  • I wish I was at the stage where I would be considering marriage. I can't even get close these days :) However if I was then I would and make sure I give it my all even though I'm from a broken family.

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  • That's a silly fear. No I'm not afraid of marriage. Since it'll never happen to me I have no reason to fear it.

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    • so you're saying that you never want to get married..?!

    • Of course I want to, but it's never going to happen, so I'd rather not dwell on it.

  • No, marriage doesn't scare me, nor does it seem like a cage: more like a cozy home. :) I'd be more afraid of divorce. Afraid that she'd initiate it, since I have vowed never to divorce, for any reason, if it can be helped in any other way first. It is far too destructive for everyone involved...especially children.

    HOWEVER...I AM more than a bit nervous about dating and relationships to begin with! Once I'm married, sure, no problem. It's GETTING to that point that seems really daunting and intimidating! I have no idea how to go about that, and I don't like my odds of finding the right one.

    The older I get, the more likely I believe it is that I'll just have to get used to being a bachelor for life.

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    • dont feel that way! I also had that view, but then I just met my guy out of the blue and now everythings perfect. don't worry about it :)

      some advice tho - don't shoot down the options that come to you because theyr not 100% perfect. the 80% perfect type is what most people get and theyr happy for life! =)

What Girls Said 14

  • I'm not scared of marriage; I think it's a lovely sentiment and can work out very well for people. I mean, my parents have been happily married for about 25 years now.

    But personally - it's not something I think is for me, at least I can't see it being for me at the moment. I'm a very ... indecisive.

    I don't know what I'm going to be doing or feeling ten minutes from now, let alone in ten years. I think it would be amazing to have that much faith in my feelings, sadly at the moment I don't, but I think it's probably something I'll grow into.

    But I'm not straying from marriage because I'm afraid of it, or because I think it locks you up or anything like that.

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  • I'm not scared of marriage at all. I'm excited to find someone to love and take care of for the rest of my life.

    I know that the divorce rate is on the rise, and that makes me a little sad. I'm really hoping that I can find a husband to love and start a family with.

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  • I think marriage is a great way of showing your significant other that you are willing to be with them for the rest of your lives. But I have slight trust issues from previous relationships and it would be devastating to be married for several years or more only to have your husband cheat &/or divorce you. Also, it's strange how people rush into marriage, not thinking what could change once you are living with your partner everyday. They can change for the better or worse.

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    • its definitely very important to htink it over carefully before you commit.

      as my dad said : "marriage is something that's easy to get into, but very hard to get out of"

  • Honestly,commitment at this stage in my life(17 years old) scares me.I'm independent,I do not like having to commit to people,answering to peoples and having boundaries.I don't have a fear of getting hurt,but rather a fear of the commitment itself.Like,won't I want to sleep with or date other guys and really experience life.What if I want to do something else with my life but I can't because I'm married or because I have to consider how it affects him.

    I really am selfish and afraid of commitment at this point.

    My parents also divorced,although it's for the best.Fight parents<Divorced parents

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    • omg that's excatly what I feel! like I want to experience life before I commit, and have to reconsider every suggestion according to him...

      but.. I'm already reconsidering decisions according to him because we're in a longterm relationship, so would marriage make any difference..?

    • To some that thin piece of paper does make a difference.I think once you sign the paper,people put expectations on themselves and their relationship.

    • your 17, of course marriage scares you!

  • I'm not scared of marriage in fact I am looking forward to it. I like the idea of love and commitment.

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  • I sort of am, I'm only 16 so I don't want those boundaries. I wouldn't want to get married until I was in my 30's. Then again, I can't imagine myself being tied down to one person for the rest of my life even at that age. For me, marriage would be a cage until I'm ready to settle down.

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  • i have to admit, I am scared..

    i've seen so many adults fall apart because of it..

    i guess I'm scared cause I don't wanna be tied down.

    & I'm too young to even THINK about marriage :/

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    • yeah I know what you mean about not wanting to be tied down..

    • yeah, like, I'm scared that he's gonna get sick of me,

      or the other way around..

  • I'm not scared...you just have to be sure of this super important step in your life.

    I think marriage is a bless...my parents are married for 28 years and happy :) It's so beautiful...I only have good examples of marriage in my life and family.

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    • im so happy (and jealous) for you!

      i wish the same for myself and all other couples - when you have that sort of happiness and harmony in a family and marriage its like the thing that makes you stronger and you can face any challenges because you have them at your back :-)

  • No, I'm not scared of marriage, but I am scared of men, lol.

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  • I'm not scared. I'm actually ready to settle and I'm still young.

    I agree with JohnGPL about the "Honestly, I think you should only marry somebody if you don't believe you need marriage to get them to stay with you forever." Like, that's great

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  • My parents are divorced but I still want to get married and my boyfriend's parents are divorced too and he wants to marry me someday . Just because it happened to our parents it doesn't mean it happens to us .

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    • I agreee! you go girrrl! :)

  • no because I want to work at making a marriage beautiful, and try my best with the right guy. I am married first year in March! Can't wait for my 1 year anniversary

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    • aww that's beautiful! congrats :)

    • thanks!

  • no. I think marriage is a great thing

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  • I am scared of not finding the right guy the first time I fall in love I want to love and give it all to just one special person but sadly I know that won't happen. We don't all get it right the first time. I also have the fear of spending a lot of time with that person and at the end we might just separate and throw everything to the dump. I am also afraid of being alone. I want to learn how to take care of myself before I get married in case we divorce because my mom never got married and she has raised my sister and I by herself and with no help. She has never been loved properly.

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    • yeah my mum is the same story, and it really hurts to see it. so every time I think of marriage I automatically connect it with lack of freedom and hurt etc,

      but if you do find the right person and you love each other, why would you be afraid of spending a lot of time with them..? wouldn't that be a good thing?

    • I look at all the marriages around me and some people have been together for 15-30 years and next thing we know they are getting a divorce. I don't want to be with someone for that long just to later separate when I could have been with someone that is going to be with me for the rest of my life. I just have making mistakes specialy when it comes to relationships.

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