would you want a person who has the qualities you are looking for?
or would you settle with someone who can become the person you are looking for?
I am thinking this over and over. I am with a guy who is willing to become the person I am looking for but he is 100% opposite of what I am looking for! I am in such stress thinking of the fact that is he going to change for me then he is just doing it to keep me in his life and he is NOT doing it because he is that kind of person. Like he isn't being true to himself. I feel like he is lying to me and to him, like a guy who will choose to wear a mask all his life to keep me. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost! I don't like feeling like this. I want to love him, but I don't think he is who he says he is and I am so sad. I feel like I married someone who is 100% not what I wanted and some times the person I don't want comes through but he's trying to be the person I want. :( Help me please! What should I do? Should I wait and wait for him to change for me? My first year of marriage has been so extremely stressful. :( Please help. I haven't been able to sleep for months. Thank you.
Most Helpful Guy
I think what you are going through is much more common then you think. Some people use longevity to define a relationship. Some people like being with someone opposite to them, because they feel it balances things out.
You might not like the feelings of why he wants to change but do you want to see how he changes? He is doing this because he loves you and probably just wants to make you happy. What other choice does he have? Lose you because he isn't "what you are looking for", or try to make things work the only way he thinks he can? What are you doing to make things better for the both of you. It's a two way street. Something has to change, he thinks it's him but maybe it's gotta be a joint effort.
Go back to the beginning, what made you choose him to start with? Try to bring those feelings back and it might help you see how far the two of you have come and if all that work is worth holding on to. Time apart usually helps if you two spend too much time together. People tend to get bored seeing the same face everyday, doing the same things. Mix it up and see where it takes you.
The only thing constant is change.0