I have to leave my marriage, I have an 8 month old...how do I do it?

I feel pretty foolish sitting here googling advice hoping that something is going to just jump out at me and all my problems would be solved. If only things were that easy. Here is the back story, I have been with my husband for the past five years, we have been married for just over a year. We have an 8 month old son. Before I found out I was pregnant he and I would constantly go out and drink have a good time. Obviously I quit everything when I found out I was expecting. My husband is a partier he loves to drink, he loves to be a social lite. He is the center of attention anywhere he goes and makes friends on the fly. I used to adore that about him. About two and a half years ago, he started acting strange not coming home until late and most of the time he'd be drunk. I got suspicious of this behavior because it was not like him at all. I started to check his cell phone and found text messages from other women and sent messages to them from him. Nothing too provocative but enough for me to realize he was up to no good. I confronted him on it and he gave me an excuse, I bought it. The texting stopped and he was home at nights. Well he then started traveling for work and I didn't trust him so I began to snoop some more and found that he was going to strip clubs and out to very expensive dinners. I never confronted him on this as I was just as guilty for checking his statements. I have not fully trusted him for going on three yeas. I can't go on like this and know that we need to end our relationship . We have a baby and he is my primary concern. I do not know how to go about ending the marriage and where to pick up the pieces...help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • There is no easy answer for what to do in this situation. You definitely need to tell him that you have trust issues and I would try as hard as possible to make it work for your kid. I have so many friends with divorced parents and they honestly are not doing as well as my friends with parents who are together. Even when the parents bicker a lot the child ends up doing better in my experience. Note: bickering is not a huge deal to the kid, but any violence or unsafe drunken behavior is not good for the kid at ALL. My best friend has some awful memories of her drunk father when she was only a year old.

    If you can't make it work tell him everything that you have been feeling. You could even write a letter out of what you posted on the site. You can't be blamed for snooping when he gave you reason to. He can't make you the one at fault when he is the one who is cheating.

    Also if you know that it will never work, don't postpone the divorce and wait until the kid is like 4 because then it is even harder for them. But if there is a chance that it could work I would hold out.

    Good luck with whatever you choose. Message me with any more questions or if you just want to chat (or vent) about the situation. I wish you all the best.


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  • i feel extremely bad for you , leaving a marriage is always hard. I'm sorry it has come down to that but you need what's best for you & your baby.in my opinion you need to get a lawyer first . after that confront your husband & tell him " Look I love you & I know you love our baby but your behavior has been verry queer . I don't like it & its been affected me & I don't want it to be that way fro the baby , I'm leaving & the papers will be sent to you . " see what he says .. hopefully I helped !

  • I would give him an ultimatum before just walking since you are married with a kid and that's an important thing. I would sit him down casually and say I've been thinking about this for a long time and I've decided that I can't trust you and that marriages are built on trust. I've caught you sneaking behind my back and that isn't fair to me or our family. You promised to love me forever and it's only been a year and I can't even trust you on your business trips. I think I am justified in these issues since you have proven to be a bit of a rebel. I am willing to work on this, but you have to put your best foot forward. Tell him you are prepared to leave him if he doesn't change and tell him exactly what he needs to do and an amount of time since guys aren't good at lose terms. Say that you will be taking the baby since he is clearly not around for his child in the way he needs to be. I'm very sorry for you, I was engaged to someone who acted this way and thankfully I got out of it. Some guys never change. It sucks but you need to leave him if he doesn't. Therapy might help, a reality check is in order. Good luck.

  • Maybe you should suggest marriage counseling to him and also give him an ultimatum that if he doesn't change his ways you will be gone forever and moving on without him.