Why did he not tell me his wife was pregnant?

Brief history - I'm married 11 years ( married young ) met a guy who is married also 2 years ago from a different country, a drunken kiss - MSN - texts - next meeting some fumbling - texts, msn, next meeting the 3rd we sleep together, realize we've been like two thick heads - vow never to do it again and stop contacting - weeks pass, my mum dies he makes contact again it starts all over now we are texting, MSN again. I think he is so hot and there is so much more to this story but I do NOT want to leave my husband and certainly DO NOT want him to leave his wife ( he is happily married he says ) I would not break up a family -but spoke to him yesterday on MSN and he tells me they have had another baby (no. 3)His wife was pregnant when we slept together! Jeez I can't believe he would've done that. The guilt I feel now is just unreal - again I'm sure all you judges out there will have lots to say but I won't be hurt by those that don't know me or understand the intense chemistry I feel with this guy.

My question is why did he not tell me? at the time or since - why hide this we are really friends underneath all of this too - I think friendship is the foudation but we just fancy each other so I really don't understand why he kept this. I understand him not telling me at the time cos he wanted to get into my knickers but why not say it in between then and now ( a period of about 5monyhs)


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What Guys Said 2

  • He must have thought that it wouldn't have mattered... his intent wasn't to end his marriage, and he was keeping you in a separate 'compartment' mentally.

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    • Hmmm Yes I think you are right. He said before when I told him that I was struggling with what I was doing to "keep it seperate". In the meantime we have chatted more and thing is I think I'm developing feelings now for this guy. Dangerous as I don't want to end my marraige either. I think it's time to just put a stop to it all really. Feel so so so horrible about it all. Although I would find it hard and really would miss him - I value my husband so much more so should start respecting!

    • You said it started with a drunken kiss when you met... perhaps it was that attraction that was the foundation, and the friendship came later?

      It isn't surprising that you're developing feelings, if you have a sexual relationship as well as the contact in between.

      If you don't want to continue this affair, I think you need to end it completely. I think you'll have a difficult time talking with him, and not finding yourself drawn to him -- sexually and emotionally.

    • How are things now?

  • He did tell you, he just waited to tell until he felt that telling you would not make you qualitatively less likely to sleep with him.

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    • Duncan - Thanks! You're right I suppose - I guess I'm a bit all over the place with this guy. It is completely out of character this whole thing the worst of all is that I really like him. Although I wish I had the willpower to stop keeping in contact - for now though there is an ocean between us and I think I must just avoid meeting him in person...anyways - cheers for replying :-)

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