Stay or go? What to do?

32 years old. 11 year relationship. 3 year old child. He's a good guy and father. Engaged for several years, but no desire to marry him on my end. Is he the one...probably not. Lately, I've been thinking of seperating but feel the need to stay for my son's sake. I moved here and all of my friends are pretty much through him and have established a nice life together. A bit scared to give all that up. However, I'm not truly happy with him if there is such a thing. Is there a way to seperate and see without putting my son through much drama? How do I tell boyfriend so he will understand where I'm coming from without sounding like a heartless bitch? Ugh, it's been all-consuming lately. Help, need unbiased opinions please.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems like have have already put thought into how you feel. You're valid for the way you feel you love your life but your just not in love with the person you made a life with anymore? Right? it sucks but you can't make someone love somebody, and to stay in a relationship just because of a child is not right. in the long run you will start to have resentment and hatred wich is not good and argue constantly, and the child will be the one who suffers. But no matter what the child will be effect with this out come, which sucks but you need to do what is best for you and your child. Do you think you can stick it out ? without it effecting you your guiy or child? then try and make I t work! But we are in the reality and sometime the right thing is not always the easiest thing to do! Good luck to you sorry that you feel the way you do. but you really need to think is this some type of mid life crisis or you really don't love him, if he is such a good guy and father I don't understand how you can stop loving him unless he has giving you reason? Maybe you never really did love him and still made a life with him and settled and now its caught up with you, and if that is the case, that's kind of sh*tty, but no one is perfect. we all make mistakes, but in the long run what ever you decide I hope all works out in the end for your child and you. But there will be drama there always is, Unless the man your with is truly on of those rare few who realizes there is nothing left & think of his son and not make things hard for either of you for your child. Good luck ...


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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm sorry that you are feeling so unhappy. Is it possible that you are feeling that some kind of mid-life crisis or depression? I'm not making light of this, however, sometimes when we feel things aren't right we want to make changes with our spouse or significant other first. And yes, this will be traumatic for your son, no way around that.

    Have you thought about couples therapy first? Sometimes this is a wonderful thing that can renew your relationship that you thought was failing or even over. Please talk to him & see if he will go with you, then find a really good, qualified therapist that you are both comfortable with. It sounds like maybe he has what you think you want in a partner, but you've lost that spark. You can get it back, but it takes work. It is easier to do with someone you are with than finding it out there again, esp. when you have a little guy at home you are raising & putting 1st & keeping safe. The added plus is he still has mom & dad together who actually love each other.

    At least if you work at it, you know you've given it your best. But don't let it go without a good fight.

    Good luck my friend.

  • Maybe think about why your not happy? Maybe go to your boyfriend and tell him and see if you both can work it out first. I think it's worth a shot to try work it out first instead of throwing it all away. Every relationship has bad patches, it's times like this you need really good communication.

    Lots of luck


  • let him know. it will hurt him, but you know. Sort of like Julia Roberts in "eat, pray, love" where she told her husband she wanted a divorce and he was like mad but he'll get over it. Then go have yourself a little life without him.