Should I leave my wife?

My wife and I have been married for 13 yrs. Our marriage started having problems about 5yrs ago. My wife would show very little or no intimacy toward me. Our sex life was almost non-existent. I had spoken to her about this many times before, causing arguments between us. Just recently we sat down and talked. I told her I felt she did not love me and I don't love her. I told her I had thoughts of leaving. She became very upset, sobbing uncontrollably. Three days later, she now wants, to work on our marriage, go to counseling, and do everything that I've begged her to do before. She apologizes consistently for everything, wants to have sex all the time now, says "I love You" at the end of every sentence. I feel that its all a con to get me to stay, but she insists that she is going to change and save our marriage. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you were dating, or engaged, I would tell you to leave. But you're married. And I believe that once you've made that commitment you should fight tooth and nail for it, and only leave when there is no more hope of fixing your marriage. If she's now trying, and willing to work on things, I think you should give it a shot. If she's still wanting to try, then there are still options. Only when the options have run out do I think divorce is the best option.

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    • I understand what you are saying but, I feel anger toward her for letting it come to this point before she was willing to do anything. I find myself putting distance between us now. Which makes no sense because all these years I wanted us to be closer. When we have sex now, I feel she is only doing it to keep me from leaving, instead of just wanting to because she wanted it. This is causing me to be turned off by sex. Can you see how messed up this is for me?

    • I can understand the anger and resentment. And I know that it's a hard thing to overcome, but that's why everyone always says that marriage isn't easy. Cheating, substance abuse, etc. are reasons to get right up and leave. Drifting apart though happens, and if she's willing to fix it now, I suggest going to counseling and working out the issues. Feeling like you're going to lose someone is a wake up call for a lot of people.

What Girls Said 7

  • Maybe after this discussion, she truly took it to heart and indeed wants to save the marriage? The only way you will know for sure is to watch her actions. I'd give her 60 days to see if she means what she said and follows through. I think if she does it for that period of time then maybe your marriage still has a chance. You both took vows in 'good times and bad' therefore I think you owe it to yourself, your wife and the marriage to give it your all. Once you do that, and heaven forbid it falters then you can plot your next move and not have regrets.

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  • I honestly think you shouldn't make a decision based off what we think but if it helps you to talk about it then I say try and work it out IF you love her. IF you don't love her anymore then leave. It up to you at this point, no matter if you think she is conning you to keep you. If you don't want to be with her anymore then you should just leave so you both and try and be happier with other people.

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    • sometimes people don't know what they have until they don't have it anymore.

  • If you walk away now, can you honestly say you gave it your best?

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  • give her a chance. let her show you she really wants to be with u

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  • I think you should give her chance to improve herself and the marriage now that she is willing to sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you decide to do something about it... If she doesn't change then maybe you guys have grown apart.

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  • Do you have children together? If so, I would ardently petition you against leaving, on their behalf.

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  • I think its incredibly sad that sex defines a relationship, your relationship with your wife. Someone who is more then just someone you stick your d*** into. To please yourself and now that you don’t get it you feel “un-loved?” With out sex we will leave or go looking somewhere else for it. Sex was only design to multiply, not to make, break, or stabilize a relationship. Today’s world is completely immoral.

    I think you should leave your marriage because you don’t deserve a sex slave.

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    • This was not only about sex. There was no intimacy what so ever. No hugging, no kissing, no gentle touches... nothing! I don't just think with my cock!

    • You obviously have no idea what intimacy is!

    • whatever you say.

What Guys Said 7

  • For men, sex pretty much does define the relationship -- it's not only about sex, but that is very important.

    However, it's also about commitment. And of course she's trying to say she wants to make a new start. And you should give both of you that opportunity.

    These women who are giving you this advice (here at the gag site,) -- they are 100% correct. Do this, take their advice.

    Get into a marriage counselor's office too. It's almost impossible for two people to accomplish such a turn-around without someone very experienced, someone who's been working in marriage counseling for at least ten or fifteen years.

    And two more things. First, sure, you're going to have sex now. Fine. But don't treat her disrespectfully. Do what she likes, and please her! You might be tempted to make the sex about you, don't do that. Take the time to please your wife.

    You probably don't have such habits. So please her first. Take an hour or two. Make her realize that she's been missing something great. Great for her.

    And last, divorce is never one person's fault. I have a friend, I'm in business with a buddy and he cheated on his wife. Now is wife is world-class, in the same category as my own wife, someone I love very much (and no, I don't cheat on her.)

    They came to me and asked me to talk to them, and I realized that yes, my business partner is a jerk -- true enough, but that his wife should have given him more at home.

    He works pretty hard, but really -- both of them let their marriage slide and eventually it slid too far.

    However I think they are repairing things. As far as I know, permanently.

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  • This sounds very similar to my marriage. She obviously has issues. If she suddenly asks to have sex, that doesn't explain why there was none after all those years. I married very young and things were okay but sex really went down after 5 years.

    To make a long story short, you and she are not "connecting" somewhere. Strong sexual feelings come from a deep, emotional connection and she probably has some dark history in her family that made her retreat, like my ex-wife did.

    You can try the counseling route like I did but it made no difference; all it did was turn up mental issues in her. My ex was not willing to resolve those issues, so I divorced and found my true love twelve years later, but only after dating all sorts of women.

    Good luck.

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  • If you still love her, then see what happens. If she goes back to her old ways, then leave her. I hope you signed a prenuptial agreement.

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  • Did your talk include why she wasn't receptive to you? Where there cheating issues?

    Three days sounds like about the perfect time to examine her true feelings and to see exactly how she felt since the outcome would have been ending the relationship I'm assiming. Sounds like she's trying to me bud.

    The sorry all the time doesn't work for me though. Say it once and move on. Show it the rest of the time.

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  • give her a chance. wait 6 -8 months maybe. I'm sure that waiting that little bit of time is way better than going trough a divorce going through the divorce process and going through the dating and all that crap that you will probably eventually do.

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  • do you suspect she was cheating on you

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  • maybe she just took you for granted man, people can do that when a relationship gets boring.

    you've been patient enough to wait it out for 5 years, what's another few months or so?

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