Why the word "obey" isn't mentioned anymore in a wedding ceremony in western countries?

to my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to "OBEY", till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

this is the original holy text, you just can't take what you want from it and add what you want, either you say like it is or don't, each priest who don't mention this ain't a real priest!

besides it's a humble thing for a girl to say, cause it never makes you lower and it makes you higher, it wouldn't harm you if you obey you husband since he's your life and everything "of course if he only deserves it", when a man knows how to treat you and appreciates you and make you his beloved wife forever and his everything, why would you have any problem obeying him?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes I agree that a women should do whatever her man asks her. He has to ask her nicely though and it cannot be something that will harm anyone or anything. In this culture very rarely does a man demand anything though. In fact, I find myself to be the bossy one in relationships because the guys don't seem to be putting any effort in bettering themselves. Then I come on here to complain about the lack of men in this day and age.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Because the vows didn't include the man saying "obey" to the woman. Which implied it wasn't a mutual respect for each other, but an arrangement in which he has the final say, and she must obey. It doesn't fit it with today's society where women are now equals.

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    • Fits or not, I still believe that a man still have the last word and the wife must respects but only if he is a great guy and a smart one who knows what he's deciding and if he's wrong than you can influence him to change, you love him and he will listen to you, there is no today or in the past or in the future, it's love and where there is love and providing you must obey, he ain't treating you as a slave, in contrary!

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    • If love is the reason you obey, then why not the other way around. How about you obey your wife instead if you love her.

    • "Shootingstar5" who told you that a guy can tell anything to his girl without her saying anything, she can say anything she wants to him cause she's his wife, but if he's right than she must obey him cause he's her man and the head of the house...but don't understand me wrong, head of the house doesn't means that a wife is slave it's just a girl must be always in her husband's arms and she's for him and forever, "vmw2008" if the wife is right who told you he won't obey?

  • your mother must have done a real number you.

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    • what do you mean? if you mocking on my mother, well you better FLUSH your mouth and clean before you mention my mother!

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    • the chicken vs. the egg.

      no one's gonna win this argument.

    • Maybe your right, look I don't hate or ever want to hurt you or anyone, I just want some girls to understand that what they think about being a housewife ain't totally true, some girls wishes to be a housewives and willing to do anything for it, but not the housewife your talking about, it's the happy housewife who have an amazing man...she will be like a princess and not a slave...even if your opinion is different I respect as long as you respect mine!

  • When I get married we'll probably make our own vows, but even then they probably won't include me saying I'll obey my husband. I'll listen to him, and I'd expect him to hear me out too, but in the end decisions made should be a joint effort. To say "obey" implies that I will always do as my husband wishes, no matter what my own wishes are. Instead of that, I'd rather discuss both of our views and find a middle ground. Besides, I feel that a husband who respected me wouldn't want to rule over me. I would love any husband of mine, but that doesn't mean I think he will always know what's best for me, or us.

    And of course, there are little things you'll do for people you love, but it's not quite obeying, more like obliging. For instance, sometimes my mom comes home tired from work, and I don't mind going and getting her a glass of wine if she asks it of me. Same would apply for my husband, and I'd hope he wouldn't mind doing the same for me either.

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    • There is nothing wrong about your answer, but the final decision is for the husband, sometimes you just can't find a middle ground and 1 word must be done so it will be his word cause he's the man of the house, besides if it was wrong, he will regret it and will listen to you the 2nd time, but you should do anything he asks you to, especially if your a housewife cause he works hard to provide for you and make you happy and secure at home, a meal & service @ home will bring you more respect!

    • That's your opinion I suppose, but that's not how any marriage I enter will work. He might be the man of the house, but I would be the woman of the house, and to me his word is no better or worse than mine. We can both reach a decision and work through disagreements we have with maturity and through compromise. I don't plan to be a housewife, so we'd both be working hard to support the family. I'm not someone for him to command.

  • They took it out because it's not fair that one person should have to "obey" the other in a relationship. Those vows have been around from a time when women were considered lesser beings and needed a man to tell them how to live. But that's not how things are anymore. Partnerships are about equality and a husband and wife should be listening to each other and supporting each other. Not just the wife blinding following her husband's orders.

    If you and your wife want a marriage like that and you want to keep that in your vows then by all means I'm sure the Priest would oblige you. But as for me, I wouldn't want agree to obey my husband... I'm my own person with my own brain and I can make my own decisions. Sure I'd want input from my husband and I'd like to make important decisions TOGETHER, but I wouldn't want him to decide everything for me.

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    • Who said that obeying your man means all what you said above, well you must understand it before you reject it, it means you shall always obey your husband not because your a lesser being but because he's the man of the house and he's your everything, he takes care of you and provide for you and love you forever, is it that hard to obey, like if he said: "sweety I want a glass of water" or can you do this or that for me, and if you took a decision that is wrong, he can refuse and you shall listen.

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    • of course he will ask with respect, it has nothing to do with it, a man who loves you will never treat you as a slave but when he asks you to bring him a glass of water or anything else to do it for him, would you refuse?

    • Not as long as he's giving me a choice in the matter. So with what you just described, I think you don't know what the word obey means lol.

  • I agree with you and I don't. I'm not going to say that a woman can't or should never be a housewife, because some strive for it, But if you don't like the vows as originally written, don't use them. Write your own, with your fiancĂ©e's help.

    But in my personal opinion, I'm not a huge fan of the word "obey" because I've had some..experience with the word. So I wouldn't use these vows. I may use something like the ones from the Corpse Bride.

    "With this hand I will lift your sorrows.

    Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.

    With this candle, I will light your way in darkness.

    With this ring, I ask you to be mine."

    Short simple and sweet. Because obviously if we're getting married we plan on staying together forever, if not for a very very long time. :)

    Interesting question by the way. I didn't know about that.

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    • I fully agree with your poem of wedding:)

      and a last sentence to the poem, with my love, you shall be my happy housewife princess...

      the girl who wishes to be a housewife and lucky to find a man who will give her this choice than your poem will be fulfilled but if she's a working wife than she will get the complete opposite, only my point of view...thanks for your comment anyways!

    • The feminists have so brainwashed women to think that they wouldn't be most content in such a relationship with strong head of household. It is the natural order of things and best for the marriage and family and children. I with with the OP.

    • My boyfriend IS the dominant one in our household. And in some cases, it is NOT best for it to be that way. Things have changed. If it works for your house, cool. It won't work for EVERYONE's household. A woman CAN be a very strong head of house. That doesn't work for everyone either. I love the assumptions that people toss around with this kind of stuff..

  • Interesting.

    I had no idea they removed it from the vow. Maybe the word "obey" meant something else in ancient times, like the word "slave" had more than one meaning. Slave of God was better than being a slave of man, for example.

    Other than that, if I was to get married, I'd want to create my own vows and be married by someone else entirely, not a priest or anyone affiliated with the church.

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    • It doesn't matters, but would you obey your husband, and obey doesn't means a slave!

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    • thanks for your opinion!

    • It's not about being tied to the church or the state. It's about doing the right thing and committing your life to your husband before God! And so your children don't grow up in a broken, dysfunctional family.

  • You are delusional. You belong in a high-security white padded room for the rest of your life wearing a straitjacket with nine padlocks to hold it. I only hope that when that happens, they throw away the key and never make use of it again.

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    • When this happens, you won't enjoy it , cause you will be dead from a long time!

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    • Block me, I don't give a sh*t. As for breaking my bones? Good luck with that. I have a Godan black belt rank in Martial Arts and have been boxing, kick boxing and MMA fighting since I was nine. My uncle is also an Australian SASR and has taught me all the physical and weaponry combat he knows. Just because you?re a guy it doesn?t mean that I can?t kick the sh*t out of you, because I can. And how can I ?come and try you? when I have no f***ing clue where you live, nor a care to find out anyway? All you are is just talk. When faced with a real fight, I bet you?d leg it to the f***ing hills.

    • i had enough from you karate lilith girl, your blocked, and good luck in beating me!

  • im not obeying ANY man. point blank period. I do whatever I want with whoever I want regardless what any guy thinks. will I honor, obey and love my husband? hell no... I can be with him but if I find another guy whos better he's gonna be mine as well married or not. I guess I'm saying he will obey me

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  • Because it's called equal rights, things in a relationship shouldn't be "obeyed" they couple should listen and make decisions together.

    The word "Obey" can sound abusive... a woman shouldn't do something she doesn't want to do just because her husband says so.

    I personally care more about careers than getting married or relationships...

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  • my husband will obey me if he knows what's good for him...you're crazy

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  • Ey.. I obey no man.. He will ASK for what he wants and get it. PERIOD. No man gets to dictate. I really don't care who said it. I will be respected and if I am not I will leave.

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    • You idiot, if you obey your man, you will not only be respected but you will be more respected!

    • ... like I said.. I don't tolerate a dictator.. It is a partnership.. not a dictatorship.. He WILL ASK for what he wants.. 9 times out of 10 I will comply. If he just tells me to do it. Yea right... good luck with that.

    • That is why you will end up a lonely old maid. Or a lesbian.

  • because it implies that women are slaves

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    • I really didn't knew that if you obey your husband you become a slave!

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    • why don't you show up so I leave you without teeth, anyways if my mother is a bitch than you mother and all your seed are sluts and worth sh*t! and now your blocker you f***in hoor!

    • That was the original intent of marriage. It's one of the reasons I choose not to participate in that particular ritual.

  • i think that if you love someone, you would want to obey their wishes. if you don't want the same things they want, I think its clear you don't really love them.

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    • Good answer, there is nothing more beautiful than a couple having most of their ideas the same!

  • You have no proof that it was the ORIGINAL holy text..infact I highly doubt it was original. I think it was added. People forget that the text has been changed many times

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    • It's written like that from more than a thousand year

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    • Who told you that all history is correct, you can't believe in one story and in the other you don't, you believed in that story because it's just reflect your thoughts and what you want in life, it doesn't means that it's right and the other is wrong, cause if you believed in the other story than you should obey your husband but since you don't want, you chose not to believe in it!

    • They are not two different stories. It's a record about how a story was created.

  • It is wrong.

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  • Would he have to obey me? In that case why are we getting married. He should just get a dog to obey him instead. Women are PEOPLE with thoughts, ideas, feelings and freewill. Not her husbands personal slave.

    It was taken out because the old Testament is outdated and has been interpreted to show women as lesser beings, which they are not. The church cannot be seen to be purporting this. Nor should any other human.

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  • And in the woman's vows there is a passage where a man will lick her feet every morning after he wakes up.

    =)

    Why did they omit that one as well?

    :(

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What Guys Said 4

  • Because despite what you may believe or what your culture is where you live, a woman isn't your property. She's a human being as much as you are, and shouldn't be treated like she's a pet or an asset. I'm not calling you misogynist or insulting your culture, but I've seen your questions on here and I'm just telling you straight up that a woman doesn't belong to you or anyone else, but herself.

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    • you may think like that cause your culture is like that right? here the girl accept the way she is and wants to be a man's property but they would refuse if he's bad but if he's good, she wants you to own her and treat her like a queen...you must get a whole different understanding for it...even not all girls are like that, just the good ones and rare to find but makes a man a king!

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    • Well there you go. PS3 time is yours to have alone in the marriage. It works for you both, as well as the hobbies you share.

    • Of course, there is no 100% compatible person like the other, but things we do are both agreed on, but you know I don't like sad dramas and she doesn't my mortal kombat, so it's our time alone but after we finish we get back together, but sometimes being away a little can help cause it makes you miss each other a lot and to learn how precious your for each other!

  • "you just can't take what you want from it and add what you want"

    Actually, yes, you can.

    For one, there's not a single person alive, no matter how religious, that follows the Bible word for word.

    And more importantly, not everyone is religious, thankfully.

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  • I once dated a feminist.

    She actually got offended when I asked her to mix me a drink or make me something to eat (while already in the process of cooking my food).

    Personally, I'd have no qualms doing those things for a woman. I'd just prefer that she did them as often, or more often, than I did.

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    • Ugh. I had a very similar, even worse experience with a feminist. NEVER AGAIN!!

  • "The original holy text" - Eh, yeah, right. Maybe that was the original text in *your* religion. If your religion is less than 200 years old. Other religions have texts that are different in various ways.

    Time to lay some education on you... Words change. Ceremonies change.

    You don't get to decide what constitutes a "real" priest, or a "real" ceremony.

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