Do you think I will hear from him again? It's been 12 years....

I left a man 12 years ago that I had a very intense EMOTIONAL relationship with. He was married and had small kids and after MUCH soul searching- We both decided that it was more important that he stay for the kids sake. He had been married for almost 16 years and I was not his 1st affair. Possibly the 1st one he considered leaving his wife for- but not the 1st. His wife found out about us after many months and I assumed that at least that revelation would make help him make a decision. But she decided that she still loved him and wanted to make the marriage work. He in turn used to come to my home after his couples therapy. I very much wanted to have a relationship and family of my own- and it was clear to me that he couldn't/wouldn't leave and that although she wasn't happy that he still saw me- she also wasn't going to give him up. He didn't really want to stay married but had so much guilt and yet he couldn't seem to stay away from me either.It was the toughest time in my life and the hardest decision to leave.To me it seemed that this could go on FOREVER- so I decided to move out of state and took a job 1000 Miles away.

Fast forward to 12 years later. I haven't seen him once since I left and I have talked to him 4 times in 12 years about 4 separate professional matters- both of us stuck to the issue at hand and not one word was mentioned about our past. I found out 5 years ago through mutual friends that he has continued to have affairs- and has continued to stay married. The other relationships SEEMED to be much less emotionally involving- but this is just a friends opinion. I still live 10 states away- and I still love him very much. All the years haven't changed my feelings for him and nothing I have done has put the distance between us that I was sure would come.

I wrote to him recently and "confessed" my feelings- I think at the least he will be very surprised and shocked. I am sure he thinks by now that I have forgotten him and moved on. I gave him all the time he needed and also stated that he didn't need to contact me at all if he was "out of it" so to speak, that the important part for me seemed to be getting the information to him and finally coming clean about it. I feel SO much better already just knowing that he knows now- But of course I would love to talk with him and I still have so many questions that remain unanswered.

He was ALWAYS one to take his time and he has never taken me lightly- so to speak. I knew we would probably never be casual friends- but it's been 3 weeks and I haven't heard anything yet.

Does anyone have any guy insight into this?

I know hurting me would be the last thing he would do and I respect him needing to really think about this before contacting me. But I REALLY think he would have cut me loose by now- the longer he goes without contacting me the more sure I am that his feelings for me haven't changed either.

I should mention that I am the one with BIG responsibility now. Married/1 child.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • omg! what a twist at the end there! its like a soap opera

    but really it could be that he never got the letter, his wife did and she read it and never gave it to him.there is a high possibilty for that, so keep that in mind!

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    • No- It was hand delivered. I am very confident that it was recieved. But knowing how attached we were- I can imagine him REALLY thinking about it before he replies. Neither of us was ever hasty- and even having that conversation with him could open up old doors left closed for so long... I really think I wil hear from him- it's just going to be awhile... Thanks for the reply..

What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 2

  • I think it is time to call a halt to this fantasy, pretty as it is. Now it is a question of both of you leaving your marriages with several children total.and after 12 years! Talk about an intense attachment.

    Yes, love never dies, but sometimes things just aren't fated to happen!

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  • dont get involved with affairs bottom line my dad was and it ruined our family obviously! the kids need there real mom and dad!

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