Marriage craziness for 20-somethings - who feels the same?

So as you can tell, I'm 20-something, which means a whole lot of my friends around my age have started to get married, or in a serious relationship with marriage potential. Honestly, I'm kinda freaked out. I'm so not in a serious relationship, and while I do have a guy who I'm crazy about and he feels the same and we don't really plan on dating anyone else, we're nowhere near on marriage-ville.

I guess I'm just kinda freaked out on the prospect of having to be "serious" about the whole marriage thing instead of just dating and seeing how things go. I'm never the marriage-crazy type and I'm not obsessed about it. Like, sure it'd be nice but it's not like I'm gonna go nuts if I end up not getting married.

Do guys look for the "marriage" material when it comes to dating around this age?

To me, it feels wrong to date someone expecting to get married Because that's like having an agenda in a relationship. Luckily all my close friends are still single, but really, seeing people change their relationship status to "married/engaged" or post sh*tload of wedding pics can freak me out.

Just wondering if anyone else feels the same. kthx


Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course we look for marriage material. For any self-respecting, intelligent and even moderately successful man, the standards he has for hooking up with a girl and marrying a girl are hugely different.

    Most guys would slam any decently attractive girl out there from a 6.5/10 and up. Given enough whiskey, he might even lower the acceptable number to 5. My flatmate is the classic example of rose-colored, concave beer goggles.

    To marry a girl, our standards are quite high. The girl doesn't have to be just physically attractive but she must carry herself well and be presentable to my family and those close to us. She's has to have a nice personality and get along with me without fighting much. We must be at least close when it comes to what we earn. Otherwise, if something goes wrong, I'll end up supporting her for years.

    For a booty call or casual dating, I don't care how intelligent the girl is or whether she can even get a sentence out. Heck, I've slept with girls who can't even speak two words of English. Would I even consider marrying any of them? Hell NO!


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What Guys Said 4

  • Lol same here, all my friends are getting married or are married. Same with people in my church my age, they are all married or getting married or engaged. I have friends from middle school and seeing them on Facebook, I see they already have kids, some married with kids some married without kids.

    Some of my exes are married and have kids, that's crazy, because where they came out of, I was in there!

  • Yes I agree about having an agenda...but it's not strange to thik about marriage early in a relationship when you're a little older.

    • I guess it's not "strange"; I guess I'm just not really into the whole idea of thinking *that* far ahead so early in a relationship. I just see people getting married too soon who got divorced after just a few years together or people who I'm not sure if they should be together, so I guess I'm more "practical" or seen the downsides far more than upsides.

    • You're wise to be careful about the downside, too many people turn a blind eye to it...

    • Thank you. I guess it means I'm less bubbly and dreamy about the whole marriage idea, and more realistic, which can appear to some people as "skeptical" oh well...

  • I think marriage would be the last thing that I would be thinking about when it comes to dating in my mid 20's. If marriage does come up it comes up but I think it really depends if both parties are up for marriage as they are getting older and time is running out. I have a few friends who got married in their early 20's and it just surprises me that most people are getting married younger now and don't want to wait till they get older to settle down.

    • Yeah, I agree. A good chunk of my friend got married right after graduation or just a few years out of college, and it makes me wonder why they would do that. I'd rather wait until I have established some decent career grounds, because I feel like in the 20's, I'd like to be focusing on my career, and I'd like my guy to be doing the same. Anyway, that's just my thought.

  • I was ready for a committed monogamous relationship, not marriage, when I was 22. I did not and do not like, dating.

    • good for you...

    • Show All
    • I don't date just to date. So I guess I don't understand your perspective at all. There is nothing fun about going out on relationship interviews.

    • Yes, I can tell that much (that you are confused as hell on my perspective). You don't have to like my perspective, and I'm totally fine with it. The way I see it, you need to take a car out on a test drive before you lease it and maybe eventually buy it. Same logic applies to men. Test drive = Dating, Leasing = Relationship, Buying = Marriage.

What Girls Said 4

  • I kind of understand where you are coming from. Some people just are not ready to settle down yet, and I think that is where you are coming from. And why should you have to settle down now? You are still young, and why try to pressure your relationship into something that may naturally occur over time (not saying you are putting pressure on the relationship)? All because people think it is the appropriate time to think about marriage. You have all the freedom in the world to choose to get married, or to not, or to wait, or do whatever you feel like doing. So I would just continue with what you are doing, and be happy in your own relationships.

    Now I have always hated dating. I do look for more serious relationships, but I have learned to not worry so much about the future and to let things develop as they develop. But I have noticed a lot of my friends are having kids, getting married or both. It is a bit hard for me, especially since that is what I really want, and they were never the types who I saw settling down first. But I guess I can count myself lucky because I am letting it happen naturally. A lot of my friends that have kids, well they were not planned. Not trying to be rude, but I think it really stopped them from having their young adult party stage, and at some point they will want to have that freedom. So maybe when I am walking down the alter, they will be looking around at the groomsmen to see who they can snag for the night ;)

    • Thanks. Yeah pretty much, I'm happy with where I am, I just don't understand why some people would get married so young. I just see so many marriages gone downhill that I don't believe in getting married after just a couple of years of being together. I've seen people getting divorced after few years or still together but not really happy about it. So yes, I've seen more downsides than upsides, which makes me very cautious about it all.

  • I totally agree! And people who are starting families so young! Why end your life when you haven't lived it?

    • Whoa! How is exploring the world with one person vs. dating several people 'ending one's life'?

      Babies though? Um yeah, stupid.

    • I was meaning starting a family with the "ending life" remark.

    • Thanks girlie. It's like this: if you find that "love of your life" person early on, good for you. Thing is, most people don't. For some people, being together with one person so early on in their life is just not their thing. So to those people, yes, settling down so early can appear as "ending life" because that's the end of being single. If you're single, you can do a whole lot on your own. If you get married, you have that responsibility of having a family. It's not meant for some people.

  • I can totally empathise with you. I'm 24, and with a great guy, who I'd love to marry one day. He's my best friend. And yet...the very thought of marriage right now or any time in the next few years is terrifying! In fact, he's much more comfortable with the idea than I am! The deal is don't even mention it until I'm 30 at least. So it's not just about meeting the right person, it's also about being at the right point in your life. I've been in this r/ship for 18 months, feels awesome so far, but that is no way near long enough to cement a long term thing like marriage, especially if you prefer not to divorce. And the thing that gets me about people that marry in their early or mid 20s is that they haven't lived yet. They're having kids while they're still kids themselves. A lot of my high school friends are getting married, and all those dreams they had about awesome careers and travel and having a life, it's like they never existed. If I decide to settle down, it'll be because I've had some interesting jobs, made different friends, and seen something of the world. Otherwise you'll marry and settle down with a mortgage and kids and never get to do any of the other stuff till you're over forty. I say live it up while you're young! Have the fun while you can! And settle down only when you're 100% ready for it.

    • Yeah I totally agree. In my previous relationships, I was with the guy for about a year & a half each, and it still didn't work out. Then I see my BFF from high school getting a divorce (most likely), and they got married after a year of dating. All that makes me pretty cautious about marriage, esp because I don't wanna get divorced as well. My friends keep telling me that people around our age start to get married, but I'm nowhere near it! I just keep telling myself that if it'll happen, it'll happen

    • Exactly, when things feel right, that's probably when they are right. I reakon if you're ready to get married etc, you'll feel it's the right thing to do.

    • so commit to a guy once your youthful adventurous days are behind you ? seems like a bum deal

  • Oh I know exactly what you mean. I'm 24 and all my friends are either engaged or already married and starting to have families.Then you have me, still single and loving it actually. But while I do like being single, I also feel pressure from everyone to get married and I want that. But I just haven't found the right guy yet so I'm not willing to settle.

    • :) Yeah you're not alone there. I also kinda get the silent pressure thing, but I would rather be single than get stuck in a crappy marriage mess.