I met this guy online. He was very sweet, but upfront saying that he was married, but unhappy. I said we could be friends, which he agreed.
We talked for a couple of months speaking about our lives. He told me that his wife suffered from depression and he had wanted to leave for years, but he loves his kids and with three kids plus alimony - he'd be looking at a ton of money.
I understand a man's love for his kids, but I cannot understand why someone would remain in such an unhappy relationship.
After talking for a few months, he asked me to 'friendly dinner' which I accepted. One thing lead to another and, yes, we started an affair.
Not something I am proud of.
Watching him and being around him I can tell that he is neglected in his relationship. Not just physically but emotionally as well.
I heard him on the phone with her - as soon as he said "hello?" she started yelling about an empty box that hadn't been moved out of the garage. This is just one of many things I have observed, and we have only been seeing each other two weeks.
We have spoken at length about his situation. He feels as though he would be abandoning his kids if he left. "Family is important to me." I said "But what kind of family do you have? You are lying to them and yourself."
I am not making up excuses for what I am doing. Nor am I looking for someone to take my side. I am just curious as to why a man would remain in an unhappy situation for his kids.
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My parents were divorced when I was in the sixth grade, and right after it was final and I was moving out with my brother to live with my father. My father mentioned he had a girlfriend, and needless to say that pissed me off.
It wasn't so much that there would be another person, whom he eventually married, but that because of the split any new comer was pretty much considered part of the problem.
There is no right way to proceed so that you can end up with this man. You can argue that I lack experience because of my youth, but I already know there's no way a course of action that would make him choose you over his kids would be remotely acceptable. To force someone to make that decision is really selfish. If you two somehow managed to get together you would most likely want kids one day, so consider some thing.
Would he want more kids after leaving those he had with his wife?
What's to stop him from leaving you if and when you hit a stressful patch?
Whats to say you're feelings will stay the same when the man you knew you couldn't really have is all of a sudden on your doorstep?
I don't want it to seem that I've made an opinion about you, it wouldn't be fair. Just take extra time to think about it seriously.
It wouldn't be horrible for him to divorce his wife, but it can't be because of you. Sometimes relationships don't work. In some cases it might actually be better for the kids if the parents finally call it quits rather then let festering emotions eat at them.
Let the man have some time to breathe, maybe you should focus your attention on more immediate concerns about yourself. Keep yourself on track in your life while you guys take a break.1