HI all, I have been dating my man for four years now, and we plan to get married. I met his parents last xmas. Before we eventually got to this stage, he had a phobia for marriage, but for some reason he got over it. The thing now is this, we plan to get married this year, christmas, but he hasn't proposed formally. MY culture has lots of preparation and rites to be done before the wedding, and it usually takes about 6 months to finish the rites.wedding.
four months ago, he did some really hurtful stuff to me and I left him, he came back begging that he was sorry and kept pleading and pleading, and said he even wanted to come and start the wedding rites immediately. Well this was in April. We got back in May, and now he keeps postponing, he is suppose to at least propose before starting the rites, but he hasn't proposed.
This is August, and he hasn't said or done anything. Last month, kept asking him what was delaying him, and it began to seem like I was pressuring him to propose so I left off and Haven't asked him naything about it for a month now. I feel if he really wants to get married, then why delay? He hasn't given me any reason for not proposing. I have asked him if he is scared of marriage and he keeps saying no.
What do you think?
Most Helpful Guy
Well it sounds like he has a real blend of fear of commitment and fear of being left alone. They are fighting with each other. And often when this is the case, it goes back to past situations and even childhood. So you're asking him to pick one side or the other and he probably isn't even aware of what it is from his past that is keeping him in limbo. If you really love him, you should try to be understanding that this is a real struggle for him. And from his part he needs to treat it as something that needs to be dealt with. He can't just choose to turn this conflict off. But he can choose to find the right therapy to sort things out. So I would recommend you two or he alone find a really good counselor or therapist so he can work through these conflicted feelings and find what's causing them and finally reach some conclusion about what he wants to do.1