He hasn't proposed formally. How long should I wait? Where is the ring?

HI all, I have been dating my man for four years now, and we plan to get married. I met his parents last xmas. Before we eventually got to this stage, he had a phobia for marriage, but for some reason he got over it. The thing now is this, we plan to get married this year, christmas, but he hasn't proposed formally. MY culture has lots of preparation and rites to be done before the wedding, and it usually takes about 6 months to finish the rites.wedding.

four months ago, he did some really hurtful stuff to me and I left him, he came back begging that he was sorry and kept pleading and pleading, and said he even wanted to come and start the wedding rites immediately. Well this was in April. We got back in May, and now he keeps postponing, he is suppose to at least propose before starting the rites, but he hasn't proposed.

This is August, and he hasn't said or done anything. Last month, kept asking him what was delaying him, and it began to seem like I was pressuring him to propose so I left off and Haven't asked him naything about it for a month now. I feel if he really wants to get married, then why delay? He hasn't given me any reason for not proposing. I have asked him if he is scared of marriage and he keeps saying no.

What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well it sounds like he has a real blend of fear of commitment and fear of being left alone. They are fighting with each other. And often when this is the case, it goes back to past situations and even childhood. So you're asking him to pick one side or the other and he probably isn't even aware of what it is from his past that is keeping him in limbo. If you really love him, you should try to be understanding that this is a real struggle for him. And from his part he needs to treat it as something that needs to be dealt with. He can't just choose to turn this conflict off. But he can choose to find the right therapy to sort things out. So I would recommend you two or he alone find a really good counselor or therapist so he can work through these conflicted feelings and find what's causing them and finally reach some conclusion about what he wants to do.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I think you should let him propose when HE wants to, not when it suits you. he probably just feels like he's being pressured to do something and you may find that males can be stubborn when told what to do. quite often they do the opposite.

    You've just got through a break up, maybe you need to let go of plans of when you should get married and concentrate on the relationship for the mean time. is it a life or death situation if you don't get married when you planned? I know it can be annoying when you make plans and don't fulfil them in time but perhaps that's what is needed right now. I'm the same, If I plan to do something on a certain day/time, that's when I expect it to be done and if it isn't I'll feel a bit annoyed.

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    • Amen. Your innitial plans got thwarted by the break up. WAIT, don't push it. Focus on the now.

  • there's a lot of things going against guy for getting married at the moment legal wise so I really don't blame him

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  • I think he still has the phobia of marriage and you pushing him is not helping so much. I may be wrong but I have a feeling that you two are not meant for marriage.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Talk to him and tell him I need to know the date line when this will be official and tell him that he have a week to make all the arrangments and thinking, and if he didn't get back to you after a week with a date line for the marriage it means he is not ready for that.

    Good luck :)

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