I want him to propose, but he says he's not ready?

I've been with my boyfriend for four years and love him to pieces. he is about to turn 23 and I'm 28. I want to get engaged very badly, I don't want to get married right away though. I want to get married when we have enough money to have a wedding and support ourselves (I'm not really into the whole living with parents while married thing or the whole living paycheck to paycheck thing either). I feel like my biological clock is ticking like crazy.

I really do want to marry him though I know we are meant to be. what he said is that he loves me so much but he says he thinks at 23 that he is not ready to get married. I told him its OK, why can't we get engaged? he tells me its because he has no job (he got laid off) and lives with his parents (had to move back home due to being laid off). he said he wants to find a job he is starting to go to school to be an ultrasound tech and would like to at least have enough money to buy me an engagement ring and live on his own/together. he tells me that the idea of being with me and only me the rest of his life is something he wants, but would like to be more stable. I believed him until I started reading things online about how you can tell if a man will really propose and all of the articles say that if a guy says that "I'm not ready" to run and dump him. that money should not be an issue that there is no "being ready" ever, so it just means the guy is stalling and will never propose. that even if he is dirt poor and living on the streets that if he loves you he will propose even with no ring. are these articles full of garbage? I really want to believe him...and I do ...but all these articles are written by men...also my friends are telling me that if he hasn't proposed by now he never will (they are married and work at fast food restaurants).

what should I do? I love him so much...should I wait until he is ready? isn't 22 old enough to be married? I know 22 year old guys who have been married for years with 4-5 kids. please help


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your boyfriend is making a logical decision. Lets see, you said he 1) Has no job, 2) Lives with his parents, 3) Is currently going to school. Three classic reasons to delay marriage. Those articles you read are not entirely true. A man who is dirt poor living on the street will propose without a ring? Maybe in a romantic comedy but not in real life.

    Your boyfriend feels he doesn't have anything to offer right now, that comes with the whole "The Man is Supposed to Provide" thing. And getting engaged or married will not improve his situation at all. Just wait it out and give it time. Or if you feel you just have to get married than leave the poor guy and move on.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Ideally, you should be with someone who is 32, not 23. Women are far more mature than men and when you add in your age gap it just becomes that much more obvious. I can't tell you whether the articles you read apply to your guy or not, everyone is different. However, I can understand his point of view of wanting to be able to buy you a ring and have a career before he starts making major life decisions.

    If you feel you need to be engaged asap then I suggest you leave this guy now because you're not going to get what you want in the near future. I find it slightly ironic that you need to have this "engaged" label even though you say yourself that you aren't ready to get married. Why do you feel this overwhelming need to be "engaged"?

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  • Don't believe those articles. I wouldn't want to do it either if I was in your bf's position. I agree with your boyfriend. He probably really does want to get you a nice ring, and have enough money to do it how he pictures it in his head with you. Doing anything short of what he has his mind set on might be a let down for him, it could make him feel like he isn't good enough to give you what he feels you deserve.

    Have you ever thought that you feeling like your time is running out to get settled down in life could be making you overthink the situation just a little bit. What will change between you two if he did purpose now?

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  • i doubt he is ready, a 28 year old guy is probably as mature as a 23 year old girl, not the other way around lol

    plus maturity differs from individual to individual

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What Girls Said 4

  • Marriage is a big deal; so is proposal. You can't make someone to propose to you. Respect his decisions. He is only 22- has a long way to go. He is right about being stable first, financially that is- is imperative. I can understand why he wants to wait so that he can take better care of you. Emotionally, he may ready but not financially. You have to put yourselv in his shoes. got laid off, ,broke, living with parents, a girlfriend who wants to get engaged, etc, etc.; this is a lot of pressure for one person.

    Don't believe in everything you read on-line; don't compare your man to others; they prob. don't know what's it really like - like what your boyfriend goes through right. now. If I'm a man whose broke with no job, the last thing I want is being engaged.

    Btw, the clock does NOT stop ticking at 28; God is not limit to time or age. If you're destined to be a parents, you will. God's choice, not yours; He has the final say.

    Continue to love him and support him; if he ever needs your support the most, this is now.. .

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  • That's really young to get married. I don't want to be married before 26 under any circumstances.

    The most important thing to do is NOT FORCE HIM. Do not stay on top of him about proposing to you, and do not give him a deadline. My cousin did that. He proposed when the girl gave the deadline, and he has regretted it ever since. He will hold it against you. Besides, is that the way you want him to promise to be yours forever - because you gave him an ultimatum? That's not a fairytale ending.

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  • You don't want to pressure him to doing anything he doesn't want to do. Respect what he wants right now. If he wants to marry you, he will propose when he is ready. If you love each other, then he is worth the wait. Just take it one day at a time.

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  • He's a kid. He's just 23. He's not ready for the responsibility that comes with being engaged and married. He's told you his reasons and you need to respect that and listen to that and do not push him anymore. The more you push him to get engaged, the more you're going to push him away and lose him.

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