"Just keep your mouth shut and do what she says."

Why do men who are married a long time give this answer when asked the question, "What's the secret to a long marriage?"


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Two interpretations:

    1) Many women are spoiled brats with unearthly stamina who will complain, nag, whine, plead, beg, bitch, moan, give the silent treatment and otherwise make your life miserable if they don't get their way; and because women believe their feeeeeelings justify any whim, caprice or desire, they're impossible to reason with in any logical manner.

    2) See #1.

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    • A little negative, perhaps, but you're onto something about the "impossible to reason with in any logical manner." Men tend to take decisions based on reasoning, but women tend to take decisions based on their emotions.

    • A woman that is like what you said, is totally degraded from being feminine !!

What Girls Said 3

  • Because most men love to avoid any conflict they can what so ever! And they think if they follow that advice then all will be peachy keen I think its bull shit

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  • well,

    they are whom who made it the secret of THEIR long marriage.

    the very long SAD marriage that they are till now involved in !

    i hate that attitude, really miserable life !

    who wants to have long marriage if this would be the way to be long!

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  • It leads to less arguments

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What Guys Said 5

  • The way I feel about it is that you choose your path, either you are a grunt or a general. In some cases, you can be both in a given situation.

    Naturally, if you put people who will let me tell them what to do willingly, I'll do it. Not that I conciously think about how much I can choke everyone around to do stuff for me but the weight of power eventually shifts towards my side. This is just something I've noticed about myself when I was 20, I have somewhat of an overwhelming personality to those who are weaker then me (maybe this makes me an asshole, I'm working on it). Maybe it's the city slicker in me but I don't care about what you want, If you want something speak up and I'll be there to compensate. Sounds cold but I think most people will do something similar.

    Look, I know when I'm taking advantage of people because it's also stressful to have to keep telling someone what to do. I really would rather have someone stand up to me and help with the decision making. I think this is why you see the majority of relationships consisting of men being bossed around by women simply because women see things on a deeper level then men do. This is why men often lose verbal battles as we aren't used to it but this will lead to a whole other conversation.

    Every relationship needs to find the balance of power between the two. It's really no fun to be the bitch and it's also no fun to be the captain all the time. There's a country song that goes "lifes a dance, you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow." Balance is always the answer to all questions.

    "the majority will always disapprove of the loner until the loner has proven themselves correct."

    This is why Great leaders such as malcolm X, MLK and all the women who protested during the 1920's are adored.

    Society, your girlfriend // boyfriend and myself will walk on you if you let them. It's nice to think that people will try to do what's fair and just but 98% of situations out there aren't going to swing this way.

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    • Lol I use to call me ex "Captain" lol

      I agree completely with your answer. I too notice that some people are more easily swayed than others. I think the key is to not take advantage of the people who would do anything for you. those are the real friends you should appreciate.

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    • I disagree that "women see things on a deeper level then men do." Women see things on a _different_ level, and have persuaded themselves (and many men, too) that their view of things is somehow more advanced/superior/deeper.

    • Good point.

  • This statement implies that the mans viewpoint of a woman is that she's aggressive and high maintainance. This also shows a lack of trust for the relationship. Such as, he doesn't trust that he can go to her and get something worked out if they have a cool and calm talk. This may be because he lacks the skill to talk in a calm progressive way, or it might actually be merited because the woman lacks the rationality for a logical discussion.

    It could be the man or the woman that would've spurred this mindset. Most likely, it's the fault of both of them in some degree, but there are always cases that have proved otherwise.

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  • I've never been married but an answer I liked was:

    "I'd rather be happy then right."

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    • Yeah but that's the thing I actually feel bad for those guys. to me its like all they did is settled for less.

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    • Interesting. so you feel its just instinct that makes you control and walk on people? I can't completely agree with that because then you wouldn't have a conscience. Especially since stating that you "will walk on and control people if they let you" you just may have accidentally given yourself the choice to continue or not continue this type of behavior. I wonder what you will do?

    • But in some aspect you are right. the majority will always disapprove of the loner until the loner has proven themselves correct. If proven correct the loner becomes the leader and all of the disapproving majority slowly begin to follow..

  • bcoz are women are f***ed up like that. at the beginning they make us feel ike we're men, then slowly manipulate us into something they wanted us to be, and also cud be bcoz we're no tot their first choice. in the end, what they wanted is a slave, not husband

    sorry girls, I had to say it

    any girl who tried to change me without me having a say is a gonner, I deserve better

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    • Some guys are like that too ugh... had one of those... it was terrible, I feel pity for ANYONE who has to go through sh*t like that. but looking at your answer, my current boyfriend and I are doing great, and even though you answered in a kinda p*ssed off manner, I'm going to take the unintentional or intended advise

  • Anybody here ever watch "Malcolm in the Middle?" Hal, the dad from that show is a perfect example of this.

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