My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year and have been together as a serious couple 2 years. Before we moved in together my boyfriend asked me "would I ever marry him". I really do love him but am having trouble understanding a guys viewpoint on this. He is not very good with expressing emotions and I believe that this could be a sign of fear and/or selfishness but when I brought up marriage recently before the holidays and said maybe we should do it next year he said "marriage is just a piece of paper to me, we can do it whenever you want". This was extremely distressing to me as this was not his attitude of marriage when we moved in together or if it was he was hiding it from me. I get a sense that he is basically saying I don't care about marrying YOU and it has taken a toll on my self-esteem as his partner and deeply hurt me. We are basically financially dependent on each other now co-habitating but I am hurting and my love for him is mixed with disappointment and fear now. I would like to know what everyone thinks about this. Some "guy" feedback would be great too:) thank you
Most Helpful Guy
This is definitely a sticky subject. I don't really care for the "it's just a piece of paper" deal. Why waver so much? If you are already going through all this with him, why don't you marry? Where's the love if there isn't any "true" commitment? I know that you two love each other enough to get married, I'm not doubting that at all. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to be judgemental. Don't you want something solid to be assured that he loves you? Since you two love each other so much, why would you waste time any longer? Please, try to see where I'm coming from, since you asked for some guy feedback.
I don't think he meant what he said and he for sure didn't mean for you to take it that way. His comment though, especially when he said, "we can do it whenever you want" it just seemed to me like he had a care-free attitude about it. Getting married is a huge deal, and he made it seem like it wasn't, like he just blew it off. I'm sure he didn't intend for it to seem that way, but it just seemed like it didn't have much value attached to it. I'm sure that's not how he feels, but he definitely could've done a better job of phrasing it. Talk to him more, I'm sure you will.
Don't know if I helped any, let me know. =)1