Am I selfish for not wanting to get married?

I'm 21 years old, almost 22 and I have been going out with the same guy who is 28, for 2 1/2 years. We met through a mutual friend and hit it off immediately.

My whole life I've had a bit of an issue with commitment, I don't cheat on him but the idea of being with one person my whole life freaks me out. Anyway, last week he proposed to me and I didn't know what to say, because I love him a lot, but I just don't see us getting married. that's a little too fast, I think anyway. My parents and my friends have told me I should accept because we are perfect for each other.

As of right now I Haven't answered. He has been so supportive and has said the offer still stands but he won't pressure me into giving an answer until I'm ready.

What should I do? Am I selfish for wanting to keep him even if I know we won't ever get married?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not selfish not wanting to get married at this point, but you guys are at a pretty crucial cross road in a relationship. He's 28 and you are 22. At his age, he probably has established a career or some stability for himself, whereas you are still plenty young.

    I have a feeling you are still very overwhelmed with marriage and commitment, or these things haven't really cross your mind at this point. But you gotta ask yourself, do you PRACTICALLY really see a future between both of you? Do you think your life may revolve going around, leaving the country etc..? Might it be the same for him as well? If that's the case and you can't see a future between both of you, it's best to part ways or to take a break.

    If he is REALLY pressing it to get married and completely not wanting to wait and you aren't ready for this, it's best to give it a break or part ways because it's really not the right time. Sometimes, family members may pressure guys to marry at his age too.

    Contrary to what your family said, I don't think you guys should get married yet and wait a bit longer. Many people who married before 25 end up divorcing. People should only marry provided they are very sure that things are very stable for each other and there's practically a future together. For instance, Lady Catherine and Prince William got together, broke up for a decent few years before getting back together and stably and happily married. At least they waited, and at least they did what's best for each other for each point in time. Overall, you have some serious thinking to do about yourself and your life. Be very practical and pragmatic. Speak wisely to him as well. Meanwhile, let him know that you would like to think this through because you are still very young, you wish to do certain things in life etc etc. You guys will eventually be together if it's meant to be. Hope this helps. Good luck.

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    • I love the analogy! Definitely helped.

    • Glad it helped. Just think it through and be practical. The impression you gave me was that you aren't prepared and ready for it. Since your gut feeling is telling you so, and if you have very good reasons to say OK getting married now can work against both of you in the long run, hey why not wait? I know some people will disagree with me on this, but fundamentally, I'm saying based on what you've told me. It's not the most convenient situation to be in so trust your instinct.

    • and thanks for the BA :)

What Guys Said 2

  • I can fully imagine how you feel and I support your decision. 21 is a little early to be getting married. Especially, when you're not even sure you want to get married. If you're happy the way things are - keep them that way. Things may change and you may want to get married in the future. If he can't understand that, maybe it wasn't meant to be.

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  • you are so young...if you're not ready for that...you're not ready...forcing it is a mistake you'll regret.

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What Girls Said 1

  • you're not selfish for not wanting to get married now, but if he is determined to be a husband one day, you better tell him that you have no interest in marriage. maybe he'll be okay with that...maybe he won't. and who knows, maybe if you guys stay together for a few more years, you may change your mind. that's a lot of maybes though :p

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    • Thank you! Ha, I've noticed the amount of maybe's in my life has hit an all time high recently.

    • np... and I totally know what you mean... aside from a few stable things, a lot of it is just uncertain as f*** :p

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