Marry your best friend?

I think many people are disillusioned by the idea of romantic love and a whirlwind of fairy tale romance. But I don't really want that. I want my future husband to be my best friend, with good sex of close.

I just think that romance and Hollywood passion are artificial and shallow. people think that's the ideal, but I don't think that is love. I think true love is when two people can be themselves and share anything with each other and feel comfortable. As a girl I can say that it is easy enough to find a guy but finding a guy who can be your best friend that you have a deeper thing with, now that is special and a true blessing. Look at all the couples who have been together forever. You'll see that they are each others' best friends. That's why we can often share things with our friends but not our significant others. If it isn't close friendship under the surface,it will fizzle out.

so I urge girls to look twice at their friendships with guys. While movies encourage a fairy tale, that isn't true love.

When someone asks me what I want my husband to be like, I don't say romantic. I say my best friend.

how do you feel about this?

Maybe some guys have it more straight, girls are more often the ones who friend zone guys according to my observations.

Updates:
I think I missed something. of course I still want other friends. I think that it is vital to stay close to your friends outside the relationship. All I really mean is that I want him to be like my best friend and that I believe relationships that grow out of friendship a are often the most successful. But you do need outside friends to stay healthy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I definitely agree with you. Often times the guys who are so instantly charming just don't have what it takes for a real relationship. You need to really know the person you're marrying, it seems obvious but apparently it's not considering how often people are getting divorced.

    My boyfriend is the truest and closest friend I've ever had, he's my everything and I can talk to him about anything. We were best friends for 2 years before we started dating. He really fulfills me more than anyone else ever has, because I know he enjoys my company as a person, not just as his girlfriend. It's a really great feeling and I think it makes it a lot easier for us to communicate if we're ever having problems.

    But there was a good point made about being sure your boyfriend is not your ONLY best friend. It might not seem like a big deal, but you need to be able to have someone outside your relationship to be around and confide in. He can be your everything, but he can't be your everything ALL the time. It will drain you, and it's a lot to expect from one person to be your lover and your best friend 24/7. There are times when you'll feel disappointed because you're expecting too much. I became very depressed at one point because my boyfriend was pretty much my only friend, and he couldn't be there all the time. I think you need to be able to have other people to turn to sometimes.

    Didn't mean to ramble, I just like to stress how important it is to have balance in your life. I myself have a huge problem with balance.

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What Guys Said 1

  • my future wife is going to be my best friend!

    I agree with you!

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What Girls Said 7

  • I agree - my current boyfriend and I started out as really good friends before we became more deeply involved and it's awesome. We're never bored together and we don't feel like we need to be intimate with each other in order to have a good time. That's where most of the spark comes from, in my opinion. Being able to enjoy each others' company and laugh with them and be silly is what draws a strong, close, permanent relationship. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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  • I think it can go either way.

    Yes your best friend may be your perfect lover but your perfect lover may also be your best friend.

    My current boyfriend and I met a a year and a half ago. We liked each other instantly, two months later my now ex broke up with me for someone else and so I decided to go on a date with my current boy. It went amazingly. Three months in we knew it was love and a year and some odd months after that we're slowly realizing we're becoming best friends as well.

    I think you do need to be friends, best friends, with your lover, that's the only way it'll work. You need to be able to just sit around with each other and make fart jokes and think it's stupid and funny. You can't take it all so seriously and romantically. however I don't think that friendship has to come first- so long as you get to that point eventually.

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  • I agree, I'd much rather be with and around someone who I can just goof off and have fun with instead of romantics all the time.

    I think its important to also have other best friends too, and not be bff's and lovers at the expense of excluding the rest of the world.

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  • i'm good friends with this one guy and I like him so much. I would choose him over this idea of prince charming any day. the only annoying thing about liking a friend is first you realize and acknowledge it great. then what do you do? I can't tell him because then it'll be awkward not to mention I don't have the nerve to tell him. and I can't tell if he likes me. as nice as the idea of falling in love with a best friend is, it's also highly inconvenient and painful and sad and confusing.

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  • I agree with you! Any guy can be romantic but he just may not be the husband type. Movies over exaggerate on the idea of love because that is what most want to see. Look at the movie the proposal? Who does that haha.

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  • I definitely do not want my husband to be my best friend. I think it leads to both partners losing their separate lives and identities.

    I want my husband to be my friend, but he needs his own best friend just like I'll need my own. Not to say we can't be best friends, but I don't want to be his ONLY best friend and I don't want him to be my ONLY best friend.

    I want friendship, partnership & love but I'll also need to have friendship elsewhere just as he will.

    I think that's one of the major causes of divorce. Girls and guys go into marriage with this romanticized idea of what marriage entails; being bff's, having nonstop hot passionate sex, being financially well off without issues arising and children being raised effortlessly.

    That's not how it works. Couples will and do get fed up with one another when they don't have an outside source to "breath" to. They need their own jobs/careers, goals, aspirations and purpose in life.

    They need to discuss issues thoroughly before marriage but they also need to check their mindset.

    I'm not trying to attack you or your preference, it's just a little unrealistic and to go into a marriage or relationship with that mentality can't be too healthy.

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  • Guys want to have passion and want their girlfriend to display passion. Displaying passion without sexual attraction is VERY difficult. Most women so-called "friend zone" guys because she doesn't have strong sexual attraction for him. The truth is that women probably need to settle for less sexual attraction than a man feels. The other truth is that, men aren't always good communicators, so some of these so-called "friend zone" guys aren't all that emotionally close to the girl he's pining for. Expecting a guy to communicate as well as your best gal-pal is just as fairy tale as expecting wine and roses.

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