I'm married and I'm not sure if a guy likes me or not?

Six months ago my husband hired a guy to work for our company and I find him extremely attractive (physically and otherwise) the more I get to know him. It feels like an electric shock whenever I am around him and I’m certain he feels it too as he acts very shy when I am around when otherwise he would not. At first he did all the classic things like smile and look down at the ground when he would talk to me, fidget a lot when I’m around, his hands would shake when I would ask him for help doing things. Some days he will talk to me easily and other days it seems he avoids me or can’t wait to leave the room. I will often catch him looking at me and he will quickly look away. The more I talk to him and get to know him the more I see his personality is very similar to mine (completely opposite from my husband) which doesn’t help the attraction I feel toward him.

One day my husband came home from work and told me shy guy called me a bitch (in a joking manner) but I got so upset my husband told me he was just kidding. So I texted shy guy for the first time and told him what my husband said and shy guy told me it was a lie and that we would get him back for being an ass. A couple of days later shy guy went out of his way to catch me alone outside and he brought up the fact that we had to get my hubby back and we shared with each other how his constant comments irritate us. He told me my husband has been on his ass a lot lately and he’s sick of it (he said this angrily) and I agreed we would get him back somehow. Our conversation was about our feelings which made me feel like we were really bonding and that he trusted me to share with me his frustrations with my husband.

After that day he went back to acting shy around me. Recently I asked all the guys to join me for lunch and shy guy sat next to me in the back seat of the truck and another guy sat on the other side of me so we were in very close quarters and I could literally feel the tension. It was so intense I can't even describe it. Shy guy kept fidgeting with his bottle of water and kept drinking from it and hardly said anything to anyone while I kept the conversation going with the other guy next to me. At the restaurant my husband made a rude comment to shy guy and I stuck up for shy guy and told hubby it wasn’t nice and then my husband told all the guys that I don’t like him giving shy guy a hard time. After that comment shy guy started opening up and talking and we both ganged up on my husband when he would say annoying or stupid things. We shared some flirty smiles because obviously we were the only two who had the private conversation about how rude my husband can be and it was like a secret we shared.

At any rate, I’m obsessed with him. Please read comment below for more info on my problem...

Updates:
I can’t stop thinking about him and this constant hot and cold I’m getting from shy guy is driving me even more crazy when he opens up to me and then seems to close himself off the next day and go back to being shy and withdrawn. I don’t get to see him very often which makes it even harder to develop a relationship with him and that makes me even crazier.
I wish I was with shy guy instead of my husband and just need more encouragement from him that he’s interested in me in that way but I don’t know if he wants to be with me or just likes to look at me. There’s obviously an attraction but I just don’t know if it goes any further than that since I am married.
I think I would leave my husband for him and I wish I knew what he felt about me because if I knew he wasn’t interested in me like that I would try to stop obsessing and thinking about him so much because it’s literally tearing me up inside. I would appreciate any advice anyone could give me on the topic.
After weeks of talking and getting close he wants me to leave my husband and move in with him. Just thought everyone who gave me advice would like to know the outcome. For now I told him I just want to get to know him and see where the relationship goes with no physical cheating.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The larger issue is not your feelings for this new guy, but the issues you clearly have in your relationship. It is very possible you are using how you feel with this new guy to compensate for what you are lacking in your marriage. Honestly, your attention should not be on shy guy, it should be on how to either resolve the issues in your marriage or if you want to be in your marriage any longer. If you've tried to work things out with your husband and he won't take the time to work with you in how to mend the problems, then maybe it is time to get out. However, if you leave your husband, it should be because you don't feel about him the way you once did and you're not happy. Do not leave him because of another guy. Even if you aren't happy with your husband, at least respect the marriage you committed to enough not to end it for some other guy. Work on forgetting about this other guy, no good can come of it, then refocus your attention on your marriage and whether you feel it is worth trying to save or whether you should just cut your losses and leave him.

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What Guys Said 3

  • The fact that he glances at you means he finds you hot enough to stick his d*** in.

    That

    Is

    All.

    There is no relationship. Even if you two got along great all the time, he's just fun sexy guy, not the guy you're trying to negotiate who does laundry and who pays what bill with. There's no indication he wants to have that kind of life with you. He's a vacation from your day to day life in your mind.

    If you want to separate from your husband, do it, but I wouldn't assume this guy would be interested even if you did.

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  • First tell me before marry to your what you feel about him? same attraction & affection as you are feeling now with this shy guy, in spite of of giving attention to you personal life you are concentrating on that shy guy, you have to find the way to make your life more comfortable with you husband rather than putting your attention on that guy, because it doesn't seems like a good relation just a attraction as you described,

    it my advise if you are not able to handle current life who guarantees that you will'll spend a good life with this shy guy..

    made your decision yourself just think how you can go for another relationship unless you are happy with your current partner.

    god bless

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    • I don't feel the same attraction to my husband as I once did and it has never been to the point I feel with this shy guy. I've never felt the way I feel to this shy guy ever in my life and I'm confident had I met him before my husband it would be him I was with instead of my husband.

    • ohh! really you thinks that you made a mistake of choosing him, so its time to correct it, move to your new life but at least think about your husband who has done so much for you & still he's doing his best in spite of your relation going to hard with him..

      i mean its up to you to decide whether you want to stay with your husband or that shy guy

      god bless

  • It's reading things like this that make me fear marriage. You should've removed yourself from this situation, but you are a selfish person and didn't. Are you looking for someone to validate you and your new found love? Please... Go into counseling immediately. Seek marriage counseling.

    I hope you don't have any children...

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What Girls Said 5

  • I'll be the first to tell you that your feelings are completely natural and absolutely "no good." Meaning that no good can come from them. I think there is a deeper problem and that is the relationship with your husband; he is the one you should be talking to. Do it now before you go any further with the other guy.

    The other guy is hot and cold with you because you are married and he knows you two are headed down the wrong path. I know how it feels when you have such a strong attraction to another person, but you should think about the potential consequences of your actions and how you would feel if the tables were turned.

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    • I've tried telling my husband I'm unhappy but he won't listen to me. He will say, "Yes you are" like he's annoyed and then change the subject. He doesn't listen to me and my feelings and when I tell him things he says hurts he tells me it's petty and that I shouldn't take offense. I feel like shy guy is the only one who understands because our personalities are so similar. I honestly think I'm with the wrong guy the more I get to know a really nice one who's completely opposite.

    • Your husband loves you, and knows that shy guy is a threat to your marriage. That's why he's jealous and insecure. YES, he knows you like him. It's so obvious.

    • Communication works both ways. Sit him down, make him listen or leave. Bottomline, do what's right!

  • You are married. ? ? ?

    Marriage is suppose to be permanent.

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  • No physical cheating?

    Whats your doing is cheating no matter how you want to cover it up.

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  • FFS. Your married why don't you go and get a divorce as marriage is clearly nothing to you.

    Your marriage vows clearly meant sweet FA.

    If you loved your husband you wouldn't have strayed like you have.

    You even said you would leave your husband for him.

    Lets hope if you marry this new guy you don't do the same to him yeah?

    If you loved your husband you wouldn't wana be with this guy.

    And so what if your husband picks on him. its not your problem.

    I wish someone somewhere would ACTUALLY respect there vows.

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  • WOW! So much for marriage being a commitment these days. Why do people even get married if a vow and their word means nothing to them?

    I think your husband probably knows you like shy guy and that your husband is hurting and jealous and therefore despising the fact that this other guy is taking his wife from him. No wonder why he tries to annoy the other guy and makes jokes at him! He is stealing his wife! DUH! He has every right to act that way and you should be standing by your husbands side and not seeking ways to gang up on him.

    IDK if your husband has cheated or done things to hurt you in any way in the past but even if he has you shouldn't lower yourself to his level.

    How do you know that this romance and feelings for shy guy won't leave you at some point or leave shy guy? Maybe you like the excitement and fact that this is something new and adventurous and daring. I don't know but this isn't right. Sorry! You asked for opinions and thoughts and so here is mine. :)

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    • Hubby actually has no clue I like him and if I were to tell him he would just think I was joking. Hubby picks on him because that's his personality. He has no filter and has no clue when his words hurt people. It's obvious I'm unhappy with the way my husband treats me or I wouldn't be so attracted to shy guy. I would never in a million years have thought I would be here, yet here I am and ultimately I can't help how I feel and I've tried to ignore it but it won't go away and it scares me

    • :( I'm sorry for the situation with your husband. You need to just try again and open up completely to him. Let him know exactly what he is doing to you and how it affects you and that either your relationship with him needs to be improved or you will need to move on because you can't live your life with the way things are going.

      Don't just throw it all on your husband though. It goes both ways. Ask him what you can do to improve and both of y'all work together. Find what y'all used to have.

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