Is it too soon to marry?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 months now and we're totally in love. he hasn't proposed yet, but he said he's going to. and I know ill say yes. for the next few months, I'll still be 17. Am I too young to get married. We're both mature enough , but we can both act much younger than our ages a lot of times. We are so happy and we want to spend all our time together. Is it a bad idea?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not one to judge and tell you not to do it. There are a lot of couples who get married young and really do stay together forever, but there are even more couples who split up.

    I think the biggest thing that is lacking is life experience. At 17 you both still live at home. With high school neither of you have held down a full time job (summer jobs don't count). You can't live on love alone. Are either of you of going to college? Have higher aspirations? If you get married now your parent's insurance won't cover you. What will you do if either of you gets sick? Have either of you made a major purchase (like a car) on your own without the help of parents? Will there be money for rent, utilities, groceries. Oh, and you won't be covered on your parents car insurance any more either. You'll have to get your own policy. Do you want children right away or do you want to wait? Are you mature enough to handle time apart should one or the others jobs send them off? Would you be prepared to move for a job opportunity.

    I could go on and on. I know you probably think you don't need to worry about it because you're in love and will make it work, but everything I listed above and more are why couples split up. Because they don't think about all the curve balls life can throw at them.

    If you feel like you're ready to accept a proposal, that is totally up to you. I would definitely encourage you to consider having a long engagement. If he loves you today he'll love you 3 years from now, and that time will go fast. Get some REAL life experience under your belts before saying "I do". No harm will come from waiting :)

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    • Not to sound rude but you just assumed he was 17 too. He's 19, almost twenty with a stable job. It's not the greatest but it's better than what I got.... which I'm working on fixing.

    • I did assume, my apologies! Has he done a cost of living calculator to determine if his salary will cover everything? Can he advance in his field without college?

    • I don't know. but he is looking for a better job. I really appreciate all your help!!!!

What Guys Said 4

  • From my own experience I can tell you that my concept of 'being in love' radically changed when I was 22 or so; then it radically changed again when I was 25, and it changed again when I was 29. One thing that nobody has mentioned is living together. When you're dating somebody, you go out, spend a lot of time together, and at the end of the day, many times you go home. However, once you live together, is totally different, and at some point, as much as you love the other person, many times you need a break from this person. So my point is that, even if you get engaged now, do wait a while before you get married, because as you get more years of life, you will see how your ideas of love will also grow, change, and mature. Even at your age now--- I'm sure that your concept of love has changed from the concept you had when you were 12 years old. As you get older and wiser, it will change again. So don't rush just yet. Good luck!

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  • First of all, the law will stop your marriage until you are 18. Unless you get your parents to sign a form that will allow it. Secondly yeah, still to early. This is what my girlfriend and I plan on doing before getting married. We are going to live with each other for a year or two, just to make sure that we can be together and not get surprised after we are married. We feel the same way you do, but were going to wait. Plus she wants to be 21 and drink legally afterwards. XD

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    • Haha... I understand the drinking thing. and we agreed to live with each other for a while before we get married. and thank you for your input.

    • No problem. I hope all goes well for you.

  • 17 is way too young. Let me ask you a question. Do you know where you will be or what you will be doing when you're 25? 8 years (a double dose of high-school) seems like a long time, but it's really not that far off at all. It's safe to say that you will be a completely different person by then, interested in completely different things. Your taste in people will change as well.

    I've seen too many young marriages fail because of this. You're better off waiting. By the time you're both out of college if that's what you still want then great, if you grow apart and lose touch then it was never meant to be in the first place.

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  • I definitely think this is way too young. I am sure that you do really care for each other and that you are in love but you have only been dating for three months. When you are dating someone you get to dress up go on dates and be fun and happy all the time when you are with the other person which unfortunately isn't a very good representation of real life. There will be really hard times when you are married too. I have a sister who is 17 and I know that she wouldn't be mature enough to handle all of the pressures and hard times but maybe you are different. I think you should talk with your parents about this before making any decisions though and REALLY think about what they say.

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    • Thanx. I talked with my mom a bit. I'm not ready to tell my dad these things.

What Girls Said 5

  • I was once in your situation too. My 18 yr old boyfriend asked me to marry him when I was 16 (which thinking about it seems ages ago). He never asked with a ring in his hand but he was quite sure we were going to get married and the sooner the better, as you we had dated for 3 to 4 months and also shared most of our friends. I for one was a bit shocked at the proposition but completely ecstatic. It's every little girl's dream and the sooner it happens the sooner you get to live it. But I obviously said no, and soon enough he went to live away (to a different country).

    We still talk and I'm sure he still loves me in his own way as I feel for him, but we both grew out of it (do remember girls usually mature faster than guys). My idea of love is quite different now than it used to be. He was everything to me but our 'marriage' wouldn't have lasted.

    You are young, you have your whole life to experience, you have college years to look up to and all that it comes with it. So many people to meet, I know you think he is your one and only, but how much do you know outside your parent's bubble? I say think about, or even say yes and stay engaged for a while, what is the hurry? See how you feel in 3, 6 or 18 months from now. Just don't rush it.

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  • Wait a year and if he can wait for you that means he deserves to be with you. Don't settle for less, date more guys before making this decision. At this age you should be having fun, not worrying about the rest of your life. My friend got married at 17 and later felt left out of her friends' group because she was married and couldn't do anything fun, she felt she made a big commitment too young and was missing out on being young. They are divorced now. Don't get boy crazy and "fall in love" so fast. Guard you heart babe.

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    • We share the same friends, so I don't ever feel apart from them. my hearts been battered before so I guard it carefully. not many have broken through the shield. he has, and means everything to me. he would never hurt me, even if we were just friends.

    • Maybe it's just not the advice that you wanted, but obviously if you are asking "is it a bad idea?" It probably is. If you know he would never hurt you why are you asking the question? Things change after high school, think about bettering yourself not marriage.

    • Thank you. I didn't mean to sound like I didn't appreciate your advice. I could use all I'm given. so thatnk you again

  • WHOA, I'm very happy for you that you guys are so in love and know you want to be together forever. But give your selves time to get to know each other, all of each other through good times and bad. If you guys really do love each other you'll give your relationship a fighting chance and, if anything, be engaged for at least a couple of YEARS before you take the next step. You've only been together a short amount of time. And you're young, and are both going to change and grow and learn what you'd like to do with your future(s). Enjoy being with each other and don't rush anything. What's the hurry? Give yourselves something to look forward to in the distant future. Congratulations on having such an amazing relationship though :D

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    • Thank you. truly. it means a lot that your happy for us. we keep learning more each day so I'm happy for that. once again, thank you

  • I would wait...you're to young and have to experience your college life. Have fun and date different guys. Let him do the same and maybe after college decide if he is the one for you. Also you don't really know someone to after you have lived with them for awhile.

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  • I was 17 when I had my first real kiss. I was 17 when I met my first serious boyfriend. I'm 19 now. I can definitely say we we're not thinking about marriage at that age or after 3 months of dating. We were just enjoying our time together and out senior year. It's bad to spend all your time together because you should both have days where you hang out with your friends. Your kind of dependent on him. You guys should think it over. Think about college. Your future. Enjoy being young. When you marry him it's for life. You can't just up and walk away. Also that means bearing kids. I'm sure you are not ready for that. It's only been 3 months. How do you know if it's really love? I say slow down. What do your parents think of this? Take time and see if this love and if it's real. A lot of couples fail because they are too much into the fantasy world. Look at reality. 62% of marriages fail. Couples who get married after months of dating usually don't work out. Your way too young.

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