Am I nuts, or what?

She's 50, I'm 53. She lives with ex-lover, he's 72, has nice home, she's a minimum wage worker & former lifelong drug user, recently (20 months) delivered from addiction, we're engaged & after 9 months together, she still has me pick her up around-the-corner from his house, and hides her engagement ring when she's in his house (says she does this out of respect, obviously not respect for me or us), won't move in with me or accept a rent free room somewhere else, we used to go out 7 nights, now she only wants to go to church and bible study together, she hasn't told her sister that we're engaged yet after being so for 7 months, says that her ex is hardly ever there, and that he spends most nights with his new lover, never introduces me to people she knows when we run into them in public, says that she is in love with me and wants to spend her life with me. She seems obsessed with continuing to stay there, when I threatened to leave, she made veiled reference to "something she was involved with before she met him, and that's how she met him, and that she was still involved with it after she met him", but won't say any more about it? Any guesses? Guess I'm nuts, huh?


Most Helpful Girl

  • To be honest this just sounds like you've been caught up in a very dramatic situation. Are you sure you really care about her or are you addicted to the drama? It can happen to the best of us.

    Her hiding you is very very wrong and disrespectful. You shouldn't stand for it nor should you stand for her not telling you everything. If she's really in love with you and planning to spend the rest of her life with you she should be open and honest and tell you everything. And she should absolutely NOT want to stay with her ex.

    If I were you I would try my hardest to remove my emotions and look at this from an outside view. You would see that it makes no sense. Hopefully you have the courage to see that and make a change.

    • Thanx! Great advice. To be fair, she I did spend time with her sister & niece, and she was affectionate in front of them. She just didn't tell 'em we're engaged. I noticed that she hates to lie, so she makes up new truths whenever. I no longer communitcate with her, but she wants me to spend her birthday, and that night with her. Says she loves me. I love her very much, but I'm worn out. Thanx again for your help.


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What Girls Said 1

  • That really does seem like a complicated situation... There are things going on in her life that do not necessarily involve you, but are affecting you and your relationship with her. She needs to be honest with you about her situation, and if she cant...then she needs to wait until she is able to be free and clear of whatever is holding her back before your relationship can go anywhere.

    Its up to you if you want to wait for when/if that time will come. Without knowing anything about the situation, its hard to say if it will ever change for her.


What Guys Said 3

  • If you have the sense to ask yourself if you're nuts then you aren't. However you are in a nutty situation and in my opinion you should get yourself out of it.

    She obviously doesn't want anyone else her life to know about you and that's just really fishy. I wouldn't be able to hazzard a guess what's going through her head, but you're not in her priorities.

  • Wow. I got a headache reading this question.

    Too much drama for me. Sounds like my extended family -- and I avoid them.

    Were I in your shoes, I'd run away and never look back.

  • man ,is it reall or just a nother tv show?

    if its reall what are you doing you should leave with out any regrets .

    I bet you can and will find someone who respect you and be proud being with you .