Why does love end and becomes secondary after marriage?

i was dating a guy for 9yrs before our marriage last yr.although I wasn't mentally prepared for marriage for next 2-3yrs but some how under pressure I married him.but I found him changed after marriage.i started feeling that he doesn't care for me anymore. he used to took care of small little things prior our marriage but some how love vanished from this relationship and then stated the blame game.now the situation is that v always wants to prove who is wrong.

i just want small little gestures like wishing xmas,smile,commenting on my dresses,hair style,listen to me and respond me in a positive way...i don't know I'm being told that its all wrong I want Because life changes and v must move on.

just wanna know am I wrong?i am on a verge of loosing this relationship.


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What Guys Said 2

  • 9 years is a long time to be in any relationship!

    You should feel proud for having something that lasted that long, even before you got married. Plenty of marriages don't even last 9 years.

    Now, let me ask you a couple questions:

    Is he faithful to you? Does he have a steady job?

    If you answered "yes" to both of those questions, then I'm sure a lot of women are already jealous of you. Combine that with the fact that you had a guy who was willing to wait quite some time before asking you to marry him, and you should consider yourself a lucky gal.

    I understand not feeling ready, but when are we ever ready? Sometimes you have to seize opportunities when they come. Is marriage something you ever hoped for in your life? Because there are plenty of single people out there, who feel that they'll never be married. Would you have preferred to have not married if it might mean that you would be single for the rest of your life?

    I'm not married nor anywhere close, so I can't fathom everything you're going through, but I have seen enough people in your situation to know that it's fairly common. Sometimes, the bad thoughts and regrets start right after marriage...sometimes it's 5-10 years later. You may see your friends who you think have "perfect marriages" but I assure you that they'll be going through the same thing you're going through at some point.

    And I've also heard that it's common for the problems to start sooner in a marriage, when the two people had been dating for a long time before they marry. A lot of people marry someone they've only known for a couple years (or in the case of one of my friends, barely over a year), and it's like they're still dating and learning new things about each other even after they're married. They still have, you know, this young and energetic romantic relationship. And so you see, ironically, there are benefits to making the commitment early on...I believe these people will end up going through the same stages of their relationship, but the trust has been firmly established in the beginning.

    That said, your situation is anything but hopeless. Let's flip it around...why would you be with this one guy for almost 10 years? Is it just because he treated you nicely, always said and did the right things? Or was it because you wanted him? Why did you never leave him before? Don't ask yourself what kind of relationship you want, but rather, ask yourself if he is worth fighting for?

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    • its not as tho he's doing her a favor by beiubg married to her. if he's isn't faithful he doesn't deserve a relationship. so him being faurhful is no point at all.people have to work to eat, he'd work whether they were terher or not. so him working is no point at all.

      if everything is supposed to fall apart after marrying, then there's no point to it.

      QA why did you marry if you didn't want to. what were the circumstances-did you not trust him, or something else.

      what circumstances forced you to marry?

    • toulouse, the point of what I was saying is that no relationship is perfect, and certainly not forever. No one has to marry. People marry because they want one relationship in their life that will last. The most important foundation for that kind of relationship is trust and commitment.

  • No your not wrong, relationships go through ups and downs, you just need to relax and do your own thing so that your not always in each other;s faces.

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