Is it justified for a woman to divorce her husband at the cost of her kid's happiness?

if the woman is unhappy and feels unfulfilled and her husband cheated on her, is it justified for her to split the family apart even though her kids are still very little and they are going to miss their father and be hurt because of that? and the woman still wants to go ahead with the divorce and take the kids (who have a much bigger life ahead that is ruined because of this) of them away from him because of her feeling, happiness or whatever?

Updates:
please don't answer based on just your own families experience. its not a world fact.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Numbers:

    1 - My oldest uncle's family. The mother left her 5 small kids as she couldn't cope with parenthood. They were raised by their father. They are very happy. It was certainly better, as their mother wasn't suited to raise kids. Now, as near-adults, the kids have a great relationship with both their mum and their step-mum.

    2 - My second-oldest uncle's daughter. She has 3 siblings, with two different dads than her own. Her mum and dad split when she was 3. She's very well off now, and is glad that her parents broke up so she could be happy.

    3 - My auntie's famliy. She left the father of her one and 3 year-old, and they still visit him regularily. Both her sons looove their step dad, their real dad, their baby half-brother, and their mum. They are very happy and mature little boys, and they understand that mum and dad didn't love each other, but they are still friends.

    4 - My cousin on my dad's side. She has lived with both her mum and dad after they split, before deciding to stick with her dad. She was a VERY happy child.

    5 - All the people below have added their personal experiences, count them please. I'm too lazy.

    6 - Many, and I mean many, of my friends have one parent, and they are better for it. They still visit the other, and are very happy with the arangement. No fighting happens at home, and they get to see both parents.

    Now compare that to the exactly 0 bad split-ups I've seen that had unhappy children.

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    • In total, that's 12 specific kids that I *listed* (of course I know more, that's just the ones in my family). I can't be arsed tring to work out EVERYONE I know. But that's at least 12. And then me and my bro.

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    • Well normal men and women are hurt the same way when their lover leaves them. Initially that's extremely painful, but they aren't bothered after a while because they grow distant from their ex-lover over time. The initial hurt is always locked there; an addition to the person's insecurities. But it's not like recently-dumped people are hurt forever. They adapt, and get over it. Kids are exactly the same.

      And learn to read/write please; in half of the above examples, the children WERE young.

    • becasue their young it has a worse effect on them.the happiness and love he/she got from mom and dad being together is torn apart. and it does take a bad effect on their adult hood. it may not be very detectable as its in the subconscious mind.

What Girls Said 7

  • if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy. if the woman feels unhappy and unfulfilled because her man has no respect for their union, how can they teach the children a proper example of male/female affection and relationship dynamics? I'd say its better for her to free herself of all negativity than live in a house and be miserable. I don't see why that the child cannot see their father just because they get a divorce. he would still be able to visit and spend time with them, they just don't live in the same house.

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  • Yes she is justified to do so. You know why? Because she deserves happiness. As for the kids, they *will* be happy, and they will still get to see their father unless he has been deemed as a danger to the kids. Otherwise, the law states that the father has the right to see the children. And what do you mean "bigger life"? You're starting to sound like petty and almost spiteful there. Watch yourself, this site's community has no tolerance for immaturity :)

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    • Because she deserves happiness. As for the kids, they *will* be happy, and they will still get to see their father

      im asking in the case of the kids not being happy. and anyway your answer is really making you women look self centered and use "deserves happiness" as an excuse.

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    • I can't even understand your comments; you're writing like an absolute child. I can't respond to them, since I speak English, not gibberish.

    • what I'm saying is that there are lots of women in other situations who'll do anythin to achieve their own interests. so over here in the case of a divorce she wants to seperate the family even though her kids are gnna be miserable...it shows she's putting her satisfaction above their well being

  • I think it depends on how the divorcees handle everything. If she is unhappy living with him, but doesn't have a problem living across town from him, they still come together to parent (like enforcing a discipline at both houses), they share the kids without fighting, and neither of them talk bad about the other parent to the kids, then in truth the kids lives won't be affected too much. However if the parents fight all the time, refuse to share, the kids can yell "I'm going to dad's!" to avoid a punishment, then their lives will not be very happy, or successful ones.

    So, in short, yes she is justified (upset mothers do not make happy families). And the lives of their kids will be good if both parents are committed to continuing to be good parents.

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    • initially the kids will be hurt to see their father gone. and that's just not right. and then the mom dates some other guy who becomes his/her step dad! making the child feels like they have lost their real father that can devastate them. some kids may get along with that but not all. maybe the parents are just too self centered nowadays. especially the moms

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    • like I asked and told the others. how many other families/kids you know who are doing great with it. and like wordsOFwisdom said get some counseling.

    • I can think of 3 kids who's parents get along and they are doing great (even better) with separated parents. I can think of at least a dozen whose parents split up and they are still leading successful lives. I can think of a handful whose parents hate one another and have emotional issues because of it (But most of their parents split up more recently and their parents try to drag them into the arguments with things like 'tell that whore of a mother of yours to')And counseling is a great choice

  • Yes it is. Their life isn't ruined because their parents break up. I know many people whos parents are divorced and turned out to be great. She doesn't deserve to be unhappy the rest of her life.

    If it's the first time he cheated and swears he'd never do it again, maybe she should stay with him. But likley he'll do it again and then it's her good right to break up.

    Her always being unhappy won't be great for the kids either in the long term. If they pretend they'd be happy it'd be a big lie and the kids will probably still know in a way.

    Another option would to stay together, while both are can date other people. But that too would be a big lie and certainley not for everyone.

    The other way around, do you think it's justified for a father whos been cheated on to divorce his wife?

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    • The other way around, do you think it's justified for a father whos been cheated on to divorce his wife?

      i asked : Is it justified for a woman to divorce her husband at the cost of HER KIDS HAPPINESS?

      u forgot that one. and if that's the case then no I don think it is, at the kids cost. if the kids are gonna be okay with it then alright. its also okay for the wife to divorce the husband if the kids are okay with it or their grown up.

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    • in how far is it different if one parent dies? They will still cry and wish their mother/father was still there.Thus according to your logic their life is ruined

    • yes but in the case of a split the father is still alive and still he's not living with them. and the mother is causing them to be separated. they can still physically be together. your logic about the dad or mom being dead has no relevance to this cause either parent has left this world.

  • if staying with her husband is going to eat away at her and hurt her kids more, then maybe a divorce is really the right thing. My parents divorced when I was really young and I am thankful for that, that I didn't have to go through that later in life when I was actually old enough to feel the pain of it all. I am thankful to my mom for getting out of a bad situation when she needed to. It made her a better mother and gave her the chance to focus solely on us, her kids. Our family is strong and healthy and I do not resent my mom for any of the choices she made when I was younger.

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    • but your's isn't the only family. there are millions others out there. not every human being will take this kind of change the same way. your only answering based on your families experience.

    • She's not the only one. My parents got divorced and I had a happy childhood.

    • okay UberTroll how many others you know in numbers?

  • sorry

    thought I wold try to help

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    • don get it...wat you apologizing for?

  • well...

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What Guys Said 3

  • I'd say it's justified. Because if she's no longer happy, there will be a lot of problems. Leading to a lot of arguments. Speaking out of personal experience, it's easier on a child if the parents split up than if they stay together and are fighting all the time.

    However, it does not justify the woman taking the kids away from the man.

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    • However, it does not justify the woman taking the kids away from the man.

      well I don't know about that but there kids that are crushed by their father being lost to them and that's not justified. if the kids are okay with it then cool.

  • Yes, it's better to be separated than to only be together for the sake of the kids. In a home where parents are together only for there kids, there's always tension there between parents. It's not the same. When parents are split, there's less arguing and both parents are happy. After separation, both parents have the right to visit and sleep-overs with their children. Children at a young age will adjust to this fast. In fact, there will be a time where they brag because of them having two x-mas trees and stuff like that. I could go on and on. I'm a single father of a my son who I had since birth. I have sole custody of my son. He doesn't know the difference. He spends lots of time with his mom, we get along fine. We do things together and everything (X, my son and I). We just can't live together or be together as a couple. She get's along with my girlfriend and I get along with her boyfriend. It could not be better.

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    • dude can you easily say that all divorced families are as great as you'll?

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    • I missed the part man cheated on childrens mom. How dare you. You say you love those kids but look ehat you did. Now you have to pay the ultimate price. Another thing personal experiences are the best because we been there. Hello. You asked for it and now your crying...give me a fuc*ing break!

    • yeah but your personal experience ain't the only one. you gotta check with other families too.

  • unfulfilled ? That could be be fixed.

    cheated on ? That can't be fixed.

    Till death do us part. People should think about this very carefully.

    There are both positives and negatives of divorce for children. I would think divorce would be better as it would remove the conflict in the family.

    Upbringing depends on the kids as much as the parents.

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    • if there's conflict resolve it. if they can't do it on their own. there are always counselors for that. getting outside help doesn't hurt anyone.

    • Cheating is a serious offense.

      A counselor can't fix this. There is no trust in the relationship.

      A counselor can fix a troubled marriage, but cheating seals the deal.

      Separation is for the better.

    • okay but I'm sayin in the case of not cheating but just fulfillment...

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