Am I Ready for a Fling?

Been married for 10 years with 2 great kids. My sex life sucks. I'm a 2 time a day guy and my wife doesn't care if she ever has sex. It's always been that way. It's not my appearance. I used to model and body build. She just doesn't like sex. I've tried everything Gentle and slow with plenty of foreplay. I thought she might have been molested or something but she says no. never happened.

Well after years of this I'm considering going outside the marriage. I hate this idea and I'm the only faithful guy I know. I've never cheated on her. I do love her but I believe that sex is part of intimacy and closeness. Yes I tried to talk with her a thousand times and it usually end up in an argument. I almost give up.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • She may need to go to an endocrinologist. If she is over 30, she may be perimenopausal. This can really do a number on her sex drive if her hormones are out of balance. She may not even realize it herself. Does she seem tired all of the time ? Has she started picking up weight ? Does she complain she's cold all the time ? Does she already have a LOT of gray hair ? (Not always and indication, but might be.) Did her mother/grandmother go through menopause early in life ? When your hormones are messed up, sex can seem like a chore or even disgusting. Think of it as PMS to the "Nth" degree. Seriously. Just don't nag her about sex. Be understanding. It may not be her fault.

    If it's not hormone-related, you may need to consider divorce. Don't cheat. It will end up making things FAR worse. It will be especially hardest on the children.

    For more information, Google "Perimenopause and Menopause Symptoms" and see what you find. Bookmark it if you've observed some of the symptoms or print it and show it to her. Anyone over 30 can start menopause. It's not typical, but it happens.

    Good luck.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Well, I am going to go ahead and put it out there: Why don't you ask your wife how she would feel if you did that? Afterwards, you two need to go to counseling. Don't give up on your wife and your marriage because you want sex. If you are faithful, stay faithful. That way when you die, you can look at God and not be judged for it. It is hard being with someone who does not like sex, but it sounds like she has always been this way. You knew going into your marriage she was like this. Stay faithful and with your wife only. I would tell her that you are not happy with it and marriage is 50/50. She can shop when she gives it up. Just Kidding. Tell her there is a problem. If she is willing to work on it, great if not well, you have 2 kids to think about.

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    • Well actually I have told her that I have thought about that and even considered an open marriage.But that's just nasty to me. She just cries and the next day it's the same old story.

  • Maybe you should consider counseling or sex talk therapy. There has to be something holding her back with why she doesn't want to be intimate. Its probably not you, maybe she's hung up on her body image or the way she feels during it. Before committing adultery I would consider seeing someone to talk too and they will be able to get her to open up.Are you open to that?

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  • Talk one more time. Let her know the seriousness of the problem. Ask if counseling will help. Let her know exactly how you feel.

    Somethings up if she doesn't want to have sex. She may not have a high drive, but she should have some.

    Either she's depressed or may she had a fling and can't face you... or something.

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    • Knowing her drive I don't think she had sex with anyone else. We saw one counselor month ago and her suggestions were unrealistic and didn't pertain to the sex problem. Its funny cause a few years ago I laughed at guys in this situation. Karma...go figure

  • I have felt the same way, only my husband is the one with the low sex drive. It makes me feel very unappealing and I crave some attention in that department. I have a male friend that would sleep with me in a heartbeat and it has been soooo tempting...but I don't want to commit adultery or ruin my children's lives because of it. I feel for you though...a spouse who won't have sex with you is so frustrating. My husband will not go to any kind of counseling.

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    • There have been some positive changes. She agreed to a date weekend last month and without being too specific she crossed some borders she had never crossed in the past. This has helped her to feel sexier about herself. While I'm still not close to where Id like it to be it nice to know she is attempted to do something after 10 years She surprised me that when she did something happened that most women don't do. WOW. I wished we hadn't wasted all that time. So sexy.

  • Think of your kids.

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