I don't believe in having sex before marriage. My Boyfriend bugs me about it, what should I do?

I don't want and I'm not ready for it. I'm just confuse about what to do. Can anyone help me?

Updates:
I'm 16 almost 17 by the way. haha

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, it just depends. Girls are really wrapped up in the idea that love should transcend sex and that love is an intensely deep emotional connection that only forms after two souls have truly become one...

    With guys, not so much. We haven't been spoon fed fairy tales our whole lives and sex is an important part of a relationship to us. When girls refuse to have sex, it's kind of a blow to our self-esteem. Maybe you're cheating on us. How do we know this no sex before marriage isn't some excuse and you're having sex with some other guy. No matter how well we know you, how prudish you might seem, it's a subconscious part of us telling us it could be otherwise. Because how we define a lot of ourselves is how successful we are with women. A lot more so than women define themselves by men. Why do you think we go around calling each other a "player" or why every guy is jealous of the guy who gets the most action. Women don't go around calling each other "slut" as a compliment or want to be one. What's not necessarily important to you can be really important to us.

    No sex before marriage is important to you, he should respect that. But try and look at it from his perspective. No matter the reason, you not having sex with him probably makes him feel inadequate, maybe even unattractive. He wants to be so much man that he seduces you into changing your mind. Maybe the marriage line is just that, a line, and you're just waiting for the right one to come along. And he thinks he's not that or he's not ready to be the right one.

    All of that is wrong right? You aren't cheating on him and you really are just waiting for marriage. But that's just the way we think, we don't think the same way you do. So you need to explain to him why no sex before marriage is important. You're religious? You made a promise to a dying mother on her death bed? Maybe the marriage line really is just an excuse and you're actually just nervous. Just be honest and if he's a good guy, he'll understand and respect your decision, even if he fears worse in the back of his mind. So maybe tell him you want to, but you just can't.

    Remember though, not all of us are like that. A good girl is hard to find because once a good girl goes bad, she never goes back. And there's such a pressure on them to be bad, because no one ever tells them how special they are for being good. I'm not going to tell you you're super special like I'm a kindergarden teacher, but I do have a lot of respect for your decision. Good girls are hard to find and even the best eventually go astray. And I know dealing with these situations is what can make girls eventually go bad. They get frustrated. But I hope you stay the way you are and have that resolve, regardless of whether you want to have sex one day before marriage. Good girls, they just don't exist.

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    • Thanks. I really needed a guys opinion. I really do like the guy, maybe even love him. I just want to wait until marriage, because that's how I was raised, it's not a religious thing. Your answer really helps me, thanks a bunch. :]

    • Sorry I wrote so much, but it reminds me of this girl from high school that I was good friends with. She was a good girl, didn't want to have sex until marriage, didn't curse, didn't drink. And I think girls really made fun of her. I don't really talk to her anymore, but apparently she's not that good anymore. And I just wish I had spoken up and told her how much I liked the person she was. Your story just reminded me of that for some reason.

    • Haha. Well I'm not totally a good girl. I can' t say I don't have horomones, because I do, I have to fight the urges so I can stick to my self made promise.

What Guys Said 2

  • There are some guys who really want you for you personality and others that want you for your bod. If he wants you for something other than your bod, he should respect that you don't want to have sex. Guys around that age have a sex state of mind due to increased hormones/testosterone/etc. so they will be constantly wanting or thinking about sex so that could be another reason why he keeps pressuring you.

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    • Thats true. Thanks. :]

  • Just be honest with him and let him know. If he can't respect it, dump him. You are young and have plenty of time. If he will break up with you because you want sex, then obviously that's all he wants. If he really cared about you, then he'd respect what you wanted, and would be ok with it, plain and simple.

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What Girls Said 9

  • It's your choice not his...and most girls lose their virginity before their even 18...but I wouldn't give in leave him that's what I would do...if he can't wait he's not worth it...that's a really good thing that you don't want to lose your virginity yet, you should keep it that way until your ready or married

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    • Yeah. Well I'm not like most girls. I'm not easy. Haha. I know it's just his friends teasing him about not getting any. Thanks for the advice. :]

  • Honey, this is your fairy godmother. I am not a saint, however, I do believe in sex after marriage. its much more special and its what God intended for all of us. Hun, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ditch your boyfriend. Don't let him talk you into sex. He'll have the good time and he will just use you. Then after the sex, he will dump you. I promise. It has happened with all my friends. Please have the power to tell him I wanna break up. You go get a girlfriend who wants to have sex. I promise you there will be other boys out there that will want to date you and they will love you, and not just because of sex. You'll meet a guy who will love yopu for who you are, and not just for your privates. sorry if this is nasty. Please don't let him have sex with you...especially if you are under 16.

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    • Well I'm almost 17 in 2 months. lol. But I still don't want to have sex.

  • if you are not ready you are not ready. plain and simple .. if he can't respect that then you don't need to be with him... and his feeling should NOT over ride whether you want to have sex or not.. ITS YOUR BODY not his

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  • Dont give in. If he cares about you then he'd learn to keep it in his pants. You don't need to sleep with him just because he wants it. He has a hand and he can use it until you are 100% ready. And if he can't then you need to cut him loose.

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    • Thanks. That really makes me more cofident in telling him no.

    • I don't think that's fair to put any guy in that kind of light. It's not his fault, he's supposed to want sex, that's the way guys are. What if he said to you "I don't believe in deep meaningful conversations" and if you couldn't keep your thoughts in your head, then he would need to cut you loose? I'm not saying give in, but this isn't you against him. It'll never work if you don't ever try to empathize.

    • I know guys want sex, so do many girls. I'm not angry at him for wanting sex. It's normal, and I know that.

  • If your not ready and you don't want to, then definitely dont. Its not worth it then and it won't be special to you. Never ever change your belifies and values for a guy. If he was a good boyfriend, he would understand where you are coming from and stop bugging you. If he keeps it up, I just say leave his ass :D stay strong with that belief!

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  • ABSOLUTELY STICK TO YOUR GUNS. DO *NOT* HAVE SEX WITH HIM. IF HE CAN'T HANDLE IT, TOO BAD. I will tell you - as a woman - that you must HOLD ON TO THE ONE THING YOU HAVE TO GIVE - YOUR BODY. NO ONE will respect you if you just give over sex. It took me until 40! to learn that - even though it is hard - you HAVE TO withhold sex, get to know him - and hopefully get him to care about you before going the next step.

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  • Well if he really love you he wouldn't even ask. True love waits! I'm Sure you'll regreat it if you become sexually active at a young age you could end up changing diapers with a broken heart. It's not worth the pleasure.

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  • oh whoops sorry I didn't know you were almost 17. so sorry! but seriously leave himif he must have sex and you aren't ready. after all, he has a hand. 2 of them in fact. ;)

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  • LEAVE HIS ASS and you go girl! don't ever ever ever change your values for a guy. I respect you and I agree with you 100%. He obviously does not deserve you.

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