Is it too early to ask her to marry me?

It's been one year and she is quite a bit younger than me. She is 18 and will move out for college next fall and I'm 24 and will get my ph.D at the same university. I'll also work part time and got some federal grants so financially I'm quite well.

Her parents even suggested we should live together and we decided to do that. I know 6 years sound like a lot but she is very mature and she's awesome. I don't ever want to be with someone else again, so I wanted to ask her to marry me.

Too early?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My personal opinion is that it's too soon.

    You've only been together for one year. I've been in both a 5-year and a 6-year long relationship. In both relationships, my partner and I were very open and honest with each other. After a year, I probably would have said that we knew everything about each other. However, looking back, we really didn't. I continued to learn important things about them and about our compatibility with each other after that. At one year, we were still in the honeymoon stage, and the honeymoon stage says very little in terms of your long-term compatibility. Think about it. You're going to agree to spend your entire life with another person (20, 30, 40, maybe 50+ years) based on your experience with them in ONE year.

    Along those same lines, why the rush? If you truly believe that you're going to spend the rest of your life with this girl, why the rush to make it official now? If you're "meant to be", is waiting a few more years going to change that?

    My other concern would be her age. She's 18, and she hasn't even started college yet. People grow and change A LOT in their teens and twenties, and your college years can really change you. This is the time when people really start to discover who they are, who they want to be, and what they want in life. Many couples grow apart during this time, as they become different people or realize they want different things in life. While it doesn't always happen, often when people start college they're exposed to a lot of new and exciting things that they want to experience and they end up breaking up with their "high school sweetheart".

    Lastly, you've decided to live together, but it doesn't sound like the two of you have started living together yet. I highly recommend living with someone for at least a year before deciding if you want to marry them. Moving in with your partner is tough and a lot of couples find that they fight a lot (at least in the beginning). While you may be compatible dating, you might find that you're NOT compatible living with each other. You're probably going to learn a lot about your partner that you didn't know from just dating them. It can be hard establishing your "roles" in the relationship/living arrangement. You may find that you're very different in terms of responsibility, finances, level of cleanliness, desired amount of alone time, etc. You may find that they have habits that really bother you. Living together is going to challenge the two of you to see if you're able to work through these things. Sometimes couples find that they aren't as compatible as they thought they were.

    My advice is to wait to ask her to marry you, or in the very least, don't rush into actually marrying her.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I guess I'm the only person here who believes that some people can meet and know each other in a matter of months, fall in love and get married. It's a shame that so many young people don't believe this or think they need to date someone for several years and "have fun" until they make that serious commitment. If your heart is telling you to propose and you feel financially stable then you should.

    I think maybe you should first ask her "what do you think of marriage at this point of your life". Since she is going to college, you really want to hear what she has to say and if she seems to agree to the idea of being married before she goes to college. Because it is true that some people consider college as a time to "be free" and "experiment". But if she is one of the few mature women who isn't interested in that bullsh*t...then get with her before she changes her mind.

    I guess I'm a bit of a romantic. I'm just tired of seeing and hearing about couples who have been together for over 5 or over 10 years and still "don't know" if they should get married. That's such bullsh*t. It angers me that my generation does not value marriage and prefer to play around, catch STDs, get pregnant by baby daddy's...but not be ready for marriage...SERIOUSLY?

    Plus, I'm one of the few who don't believe in moving in with someone before marriage. It spoils everything. I think it's better to just go ahead and make a commitment rather than play house for years and years and prevent an awkward breakup of packing up all the goods and trying to find another place to live.

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    • sorry for the late answer. She always said she wanted to get married rather sooner than later. And we're both not big on clubbing or partying, so I thought she'd be up for it.

      I'd be fine with a rather long engagment period. It's just that she's perfect and I don't want to be with her and no one else ever again and I think she feels the same and I kinda want want to make it official, if that makes any sense

  • Too early. Better to move in and learn about each other more because that makes a difference. Let her know you are mature and take it slow. Because at 18yrs old if she says "Oh we've been dating a year and getting married" everyone is going to tell her to rethink alot. Even if everything is fine its too fast

    I've been proposed to twice and my family always reminded me of other things to do before making that jump

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  • as long as your happy. and you think you guys can work it out then go for it. its about your life not everyone else

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  • Yep. A year is way too early. Wait another two and if you still feel the same way then ask.

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  • Asking? No

    But actually marrying her. yes. I'd say if you wanna ask, ask

    But have a year or two engagement first and live together. Make sure you can handle it in that sense

    Good luck to you

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah, one year is a little too early. Might want to wait it out a little. She'll be going to college soon, and college girls are notorious for being a little...well...I think it's best if you hold off a little on that.

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