After 6 years together, he popped the question...is it settling?

Guys give it to me straight. I have a girlfriend of mine who's been itching to get married since the day I met her. She's been with her guy almost 6 years and just found out she's engaged. Before then I was convinced he was stringing her along with excuses " I'm not ready, I need to get my money right"...all the while he's worked for some of the most prominent companies in town and bought a house. I always kept my opinion to myself as it's not my place to voice my opinion unless asked but I can't help but think he's settling and tired of hearing her ask when are they getting married.I'm happy she's happy, but couldn't see myself waiting 6 years for a guy to realize what's in front of him.

Disclamer- the couple is 31 yrs/ ea. - not cohabitating/not intimate (or so she's said) Information that was offered not asked!

My question is: I thought if a guy is truly feeling you and wants you he's not wasting time, let alone 6 years. Period. If he wants you he'll make you his wife quick. Maybe I'm wrong. Thoughts?


0|0
6|5

Most Helpful Guy

  • A guy will not rush in to a marriage and will preferably find the right woman. I know I won't rush into a marriage just because a girlfriend or girl wants to get married. And yes she can be pushy. However, what bother me is that they are not cohabitating or intimate. It does make sense to me in this century that a man would not want to be intimate with his girlfriend of 6 yrs, let a lone a fiance. And now a days people are living together to "get the feeling" of what I would call "premarriage". To see if you really want to be with that person for the rest of your life.lol Unless he is very old fashioned, I would think he is just doing to make her happy, or someone happy, and I fear that in the future their marriage may not be a solid one. He may end up finding that special secretary if you know what I mean. A man would put his heart out for a woman physically, intamately, and wouldn't care about money if he wanted to be with her. In fact money wouldn't be brought up until it was time for settling down for a marriage life, not becaue he is trying to rake up big bucks from some company.

    2|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • Ok, I have two cousins (they have the same parents); one met and married with her husband in 6 months, the other, in 9 years.

    Point here is that you can't put a time table on your (let alone anyone else's) relationship "time".

    2|1
    0|0
  • I personally have a 6 year minimum rule (which means I'm probably never getting married).

    I don't want to get blindsighted by my wife and it takes between 4-6 years for me to feel like I know somebody through and through. I know a couple other men that have this standard. One of them is married ;)

    As for the settling... EVERY relationship is settling. We all dream of our perfect ideals when we are kids until we realize our ideals do not exist.

    If this was an option who would settle for less?:

    10/10 looks, 10/10 in the sack, there whenever you need them, leaves you alone whenever you want without being upset, 100% faithful, cooks for you, cleans up after you and WANTS to clean up after you, makes tons of money, same hobbies and interests, good listener, good at giving advice but also good at knowing when not to, 10/10 sense of humor that constantly shifts to match your preferences... ect ect ect...

    0|0
    0|0
    • LOL I wouldn't be so hard on yourself to say " you'll probably never get married" . I do agree that you need adequate time to get to know as much as you can about your SO. And you make a very valid point about the ideas of "perfection" that's a false concept. True love is accepting an imperfect person as they are who is perfectly compatible with your imperfect self. Thanks for your input.

  • First off. You should have never posted this. Cause its non of your buisiness. And you sound like a drama wh*** for saying this. And I quote " I always kept my opinion to myself as it's not my place to voice my opinion unless asked " Its never a place for you to say anything anyways, cause your not dating him, and your not dating her. Why don't you try and focus on finding some1 for yourself, then being in there buisiness. What you think after they get married your gonna be around all the time? NOPE.

    Second. If you can't wait for some1 you love. THEN YOU DONT LOVE THEM, AND YOUR A SELFISH B****.

    Mabe that's why your still single. I doubt ull ever get married.

    And when a guy says he's not ready, he's not ready. Doesnt mean he's stringing some1 along. When I'm not gonna marry a girl, I don't tell her that I'm gonna. Or when I'm not gonna date some1, I'm not gonna ask them out. Its as simple as that.

    Guys are too straight forward for that. More so, its you woman that are all over the place. Just like how your in there buisiness right now.

    YOUR VERY WRONG ABOUT MAKING A GIRL A WIFE QUICK. Your telling me they haven't even slept together.. So why would he just jump the gun after one year and marry her, when she could take everything he has.

    You honestly sound like a such a selfish person. And you should have never posted this.

    Goodluck on your path miss, make him marry me fast.

    Clearly youve realized that your time clock is going, and your getting older aswell, and haven't found that person yet. Well if you werent in such a rush, you wouldn't have thrown away that one that would have married you years ago.

    1|0
    5|0
    • LOL I'm only going to address you once. You couldn't be more wrong about me but that's another issue. This question was asked for an opinion about a friends situation and nothing more. It's quite evident by your extensive bashing and lengthy post, you are a man that's been scorned. Yes you are right what they do isn't my business and I stated that. Any information she offered was just that, she offered. If you are so insulted by my post, just skip it. It's not personal, just wanted a male POV.

    • rofl, don't act like I didn't hit the spot.

      Hes nothing to do with settling. If he said he's not ready. He's not ready.

      And if you can't wait. You can't wait.

  • You're wrong.

    And the reason you're wrong is because guys don't look at marriage in the same way that women do.

    You can bet your last dollar that he wasn't itching to get married since the day he met her. For him, it's not just about finding the right woman. It's about having all your ducks in a row, and knowing how you're going to make things work.

    If anything, if a guy wants to get married too quickly, I'd say don't trust him. What's his angle? What's he looking for? A green card?

    1|0
    1|0
    • You made some valid points there. I agree with having your ducks in a row. Sometimes it takes time to accomplish that.

What Girls Said 6

  • Hi there, in the fairy tale world I tend to agree with you lol however in todays world I find that women get married when they find the right person regardless of when it happens and men get married when its the right time sometimes regardless of who it is. So is he settling, maybe but he could also be saying that he is now at the age and time in his life where he is ready and has seen that she has stuck by him. I am like you, I personally would not wait that long but some women are willing to wait and hope and dream and for some of them it eventually happens. You still gave good advice as no one would want their friend to take that risk as he couldve easily went the other direction. Hope this helps. Wish you and your friend the best.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Basically where is the fun if he said "Yes, will marry soon!, when she asked? If he wanted to marry soon, he'd surprise her by asking her to marry him, but she made it very hard when she kept asking him about it. She should have just given him time to do it himself, rather than pushing him.

    1|0
    1|0
  • I agree with the others. This is probably a good thing, not a bad one. Guys usually have a lot more to lose if the marriage fails and they get divorced. And most guys don't dream of marriage from childhood like almost every girl does. So guys are more likely to want to take their time and be sure about things and get their ducks in a row as well like Commodore said.

    1|0
    0|0
  • the longer you can be with someone without being married or putting pressure on the relationship the better chance your marriage will work (I think). The faster you move the more chances you have of your relationship falling apart.

    1|2
    0|0
  • I don't really see anything unusual about this. Men do not have the same feelings about marriage that women do. Most men do feel a need to be in a certain place in their career and finances before they marry. If they started seeing each other at 25 and are now engaged at 31, that does not seem like a bad timeline.

    Guys don't look at marriage as a way to recognize a girl's worth to them. Marriage is a legal contract that puts the guy on the line to provide for his wife and any children they have. That is a big deal. Sounds like this guy took it pretty seriously. Just because a guy worked for the "most prominent companies" does not mean he saw any job he held as being the stable one that would sustain a family. Worse, once you own a home, that is a big responsibility and you may feel very trapped trying to change jobs, with a home and a wife and kids.

    The only thing that I think is odd is 6 years of no sex. Hmmm. Maybe your friend wants to put an image out there and it isn't quite accurate, but I don't know, that one sounds odd.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Okay, I'm not a guy but I'll give you my opinion anyway.

    I think you're right. I think he's settling because he might be tired of hearing her ask this too often, or because he finally realized that it was the right time to marry. Maybe he waited until he was himself ready to marry (which can be a huge step to some) What makes think that he settled and it wasn't his plan all along is the fact that she asked him previously and he made up excuses and it wasn't a decision they both took to wait until the "right" time comes or until they're both ready.

    Besides I know a man in the same situation. He was with his girlfriend for more than 5 years. They didn't live together but she would always pressure him and ask him when they were getting married. He always made up excuses. But I know him well (he's family) and I know it was because he was very hesitant to whether he should marry her or not. What finally decided him was that he was turning 35 and all of his friends are already married with a family f their own so he made the final jump.

    anyway, I don't think it matters much how long people wait before getting married as long as they both agreed to it. Examples were given of couples who married several months after meeting and others who waited longer, the point is the most important is that it was a decision they both made to either wait or hurry.

    But overall I think you're right, men (and women too!) when they know someone is the right person for them will do anything to make it work. They will take the decisions and this proves to be even truer when dating / in a relationship because you never know what can happen if you don't do anything (another one may come, they could leave...)

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...