Should the arranged marriage go on?

LONG STORY SHORT:

I was forced into this arranged marriage with this guy in Jordan and I actually spent time getting to know the guy (2 months) and it was time for me to come back to U.S!

My mom disliked him after seeing that his mother and sister controls him and he listens to what they say! But to me, the guy was all that I can dream of! Then he told me about this girl that he was in love with for 9 YEARS and have recently broken up after he asked her to marry him and she refused because her parents refused! Am I a rebound?

He only made it through high school and doesn't do anything for a living at the age of 28 now! Does he deserve to be brought to the U.S? He tells me that he loves me (after 2 months of knowing each other) and he wants me to have his child etc.

I don't know if I want to believe that but the guy changed my life in many ways! the way I view it and the way I live it! amazing but true! The reason I don't believe him is because I think he just wants me for the paper in order to come to AMERICA!

And because of that GIRL! And my mother said she'll disown me if I decide to let the marriage go on! DAMN So help me out! I'm confused! The real question is: Should I just let it go..he's over seas and I'm here... or should I continue the relationship? thanx guys!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm really curious as to how you got into an arranged marriage with this guy that you have known for two months. As far as I understand (with just about all cultures that have arranged marriages) both families agree on the union, and it doesn't sound like your family was involved at all. Did this guys family say that you were going to marry their son? This really doesn't make sense.

    As far as knowing him for 2 months and then getting married and having kids,... I would have to say don't go through with it. I have seen with a few different business clients where something like this happened, and the person just used them for papers. I get the feeling like that is the case here.

    If he is really into you,.. then he can put himself through the process of becoming a US citizen without you marrying him. It is very, very difficult, but I personally would feel more comfortable with that, than getting someone their papers. For all you know he is still with that other girl, and is just wanting to get over to the US, then after the 3 years, he will drop you and then bring her over here (it happens).

    I would say if you feel any hesitation at all, then that is your gut telling you something very serious and you should pay attention.

    Best of luck with whatever you choose.

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    • I wouldn't feel comfortable with an arranged marriage under any circumstances. The whole concept seems alien to U.S. culture.

    • You are absolutely right! Thank you for your advice and mostly your time. I'm actually over the guy and I've moved on even though I'm still considered his wife over in Jordan! I'll find a way to end that. Other than that, I'm great!

What Guys Said 1

  • my brother had the same story(iam from jordan too btw):

    he had a relationship with a girl for 4 years but she was christian..so when he proposed to her her parents refused.

    so the next day he told my mom to find him another girl,and in only 2 days he was engaged!

    the first year of his marriage was ok, but after that they kept on fighting and fighting...

    and obviously the reason is because they are not for each other, SHE WAS A REBOUND!

    and now they are divorced and have 3 children in between.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't think it's wise for you to marry him, Because he is love with his ex, His mom controls him (Trust me, I have seen many couples in love ending up divorced because of this).

    Above all he doesn't have a job at the age of 28 and doesn't have a college or university degree either which means he is not ready to take responsibility for life. Then he is not the right one to get married to.

    I think your mom is right and you shouldn't marry someone who is not ready to take responsibility. Sweetie everything in life happens for a reason, including meeting people. Maybe you were destined to meet him and change they way you see and live your life. I'm sure you deserve better.

    GOOD LUCK

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  • First of all, I don't understand arranged marriages exactly. I mean if that was the case, why

    was he involved with another women that he asked to marry him. Can he void the arrangement? Is the marriage binding in the United States? Looking at facts, well, he was

    involved with the person for 9 years, asked her to marry him, he doesn't work, or have a

    trade. How does he pay for things? Now, the both are you married, he has only known

    you two months!, wants you to have his babies?, needs a green card to here? So if your

    mother doesn't like this guy, why were you sent over there in the first place? Arrangement or

    not, which I don't feel your mother really believes holds, family, friends, finances. Those

    are your three golden rules. Love, that's really last play. We all like the dream and fantasy,

    but realistically it is your family, friends, and finances that keep you and make dreams

    come true. Sit your mother down for a heart to heart(or on the phone evidentley), her side,

    your side. Don't have any babies yet!

    I know someone that married a guy, who also needed a green card, turned out to be a cad!

    Yes, I know that there are two sided to the story, but he has made a roach look better.

    I would say off hand for now, let him stay over seas and prove his true self, for the better

    or the worse, so you both know or have a better insight.

    Good Luck and Keep the Faith!

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  • Go over there and live with him... because if he is ok with that then he does love you. And after 5 years over there, maybe you could live here. Where is he from by the way?

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    • Your right! I've already asked him to keep me over there and he disagreed and came up with some way to get me to forget the idea. I automatically knew, but I pretended I forgot. He is Palestinian but he lives in Jordan.

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