Is marriage hopeless nowadays?

It seems like EVERY marriage I've seen (besides my parents and a couple other friends) end in divorce. It's a bit discouraging considering I want to get married one day. Is it completely hopeless for our generation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • a few reasons I believe marriage has a low success rate.

    1: people are getting married very young and have a hard time making it work

    2: money and other financial issues, it seems to me some couples have it worse off when it comes to handling money. one might work more than the other or one or both just don't know how to handle money.

    3: first comes lust, than comes baby, than comes marriage, than because they did the order wrong divorce. it "should" come first comes love, than protected sex (condoms), than marriage, and last a baby if they both want one.

    4: getting a divorce is too easy an answer now days, back 20-30 years ago people got married for life through good and bad times and it seems people forget that marriage has bad times and get divorce for like $45 or something. I think a divorce should cost $200+ that way you really have to hate each other before calling it quits.

    5: lack of commitment.

    6: jealously where there shouldn't be and or too much jealously.

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    • thanks for the Best Answer.

      Marriage isn't hopeless but you have to make sure you are in love with the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. or if not love finances (some people like money so much they both marry for money reasons)

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    • how are you handling things?

    • OBJECTION ! On number 1, dude , it's actually the complete opposite! .. A couple of decades ago, people used to get married at the age of 12 and the divorce rate was almost inexistent. It's nowadays when people have to wait for Jesus to come in their dreams and tell them that its OK to get married .. this is just stupid! Age has nothing to do with divorce , it's the commitment. ( I ll elaborate this on my answer because there is no room here )

What Guys Said 12

  • No its not. You just have to find some1 that works with you.. A lot of people are "rushing" to get married. Which should not be done, because at the end of the day, you don't really know who your marrying.

    You need to find some1 that you communicate with well, who understands what your emotions are when you are speaking. Also some1 that works on your level instead of higher or lower, cause a relationship is 50/50. Its not 60/40 or 30/70 on either side. (power meaning)

    My parents are still together aswell. And whatever there old schoolish, so they stick through thick and thin. And I'm also looking for the same. But you need to find some1 that has the same mentality that you come from, and your families.

    You will one day, don't worry, don't stress over it. It will come!

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  • I think when people marry they rely to much on the fact that they are married to keep the relationship going. It seems that today people want to be with the first person they date. I've also noticed that nothing tends to happen after a marriage as far as the couple goes. I sincerely believe that marriages can last longer if you keep a dating aspect to it. Don't just go out for dinner every once in a whole and move in. Keep going on walks, day vacations to the beach together. Keep doing romantic things with your spouse! A rock and a vow isn't going to be the cement for a relationship you previously had with someone, it should be an affirmation that you are stepping up and will actually spend more time with your partner rather than just live with them and have kids. My friend wanted to marry his girlfriend only 8 months after meetin her. ATM they are going throigh long distance and trust issues on month 11 so go figure -_-

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  • No it is not hopeless.

    The problem is, that most couples today do not take to time to get to really know each other before getting married. I have listened to a few women 20 to 30 talk about meeting someone, dating a year than getting engaged and getting married. A year is not enough time on average, to get to know someone deep down.

    Another thing is, most women have this fairytale view of what marriage is and should be. A marriage takes work, and you will only get out of it what you put into it.

    A divorce is so easy to get, and can be gotten so quickly. I know a few people that had a little argument that got out of hand, ended up divorced and later regretted it. Because they were angry about something, and before they calmed down they had divorce papers in their hands.

    The number one reason that breaks marriages, is money problems.



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    • why do people break up after seven plus relationship OR marriage after 12 plus years ?

    • A lot of different reasons, the couple grow apart. They stop working on their marriage. The number one reason that marriages break up is money, but aside from that there are lots of things that add up over time to make people give up on their marriages and divorce.

      A relationship takes work, and just because you love someone and they love you. Does not mean that, you can live together day in and day out and over come the things life will throw at you. People change over time.

  • I know how you feel. The times are pretty messed up, but there is always hope!

    The key is to not give in to the generation, and not to just follow what everyone else is doing. That may be tough if you're more of a follower than a leader, but when most of the sheep are running off a cliff, you don't want to join them.

    It's also tough even if you are a leader, because marriage is in some sense about following. You need to be a leader and a follower at the same time.

    If you look outside of the West where more traditional cultures prevail, you see that marriage is flourishing and they don't really have a divorce problem. It's the worst in America, because our society sets all the wrong examples. We expect the wrong things. We learned nothing from our parents.

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  • I think our generation is having the trouble of being caught in our parent's mindset vs. breaking off into our own. The days of marrying your high school sweetheart or romantically stumbling into your soul mate are gone. A portion of our generation, for some reason, seems to be intently looking for marriage wherever they can find it. I'm not sure what this marriage addiction is all about but I think the trouble with our generation is that we can't just live and let things happen. We seemed determined to steer our life into a situation that doesn't even exist yet. There is planning, then there is wishful thinking. Some are too stuck on the latter.

    I think with the changes in lifestyles nowadays, people need to learn that they don't need to follow by this predetermined or traditional life route. It's OK and safe to branch out, and try out your life first. See where it takes you and and who you meet, not looking for a potential suitor in every person you meet.

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  • I don't think its hopeless. Maybe wait till your at least 25 or even 30 and your odds of avoiding divorce goes up.

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  • To be truthful (albeit a bit blunt), it's foolish people that are to blame... not marriage itself.

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  • I don't think marriage is hopeless. I think people are hopeless.

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  • Nah, marriage is pretty much the same as it has been. People on the other hand are hopeless.

    But then, they've always been hopeless...

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  • People care more about themselves and less about the child. If married couples nowadays truly cared for their children, they wouldn't divorce.

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  • I wouldn't say it's hopeless, but it's just losing it's special quality to it...

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  • I'm worried about that, too. I've pretty much sworn off marriage at this point, even though lifelong companionship would be awesome. My parents are still happily married, but I wonder if they're a rare breed.

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    • That's what I wonder myself, if my parents are a rare couple. I'm in a serious relaionship right now and I know he's the right one for me but I just am hoping that we will last like my parents do.

What Girls Said 8

  • I think the lack of commitment is the main reason. People are selfish now, all they care about is their own persona, ego , pride and personal interest.. it's a fact. Couples do not care to make the relationship work anymore, but all they care about is their self esteem , popularity or whatever..

    Of course money is one of the most common issues , but it shouldn't lead to divorce! .. All issues can be solved one way or another .. but only if you are committed to that relationship!

    I keep hearing divorced ladies saying " I divorced because he did not respect my dreams" what the hell woman , dancing semi nude in a bar is not a dream!

    We are way to into our desires and forget to compromise .. we forget that sometimes its what we HAVE to do is what matters and not what we WANT.

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    • pretty good answer. I didn't put this in my reasons for divorce but it is a problem. people try to change their partner to fit their own point of view and needs rather than willing to change a few things their self.

  • I think people just turn to divorce too easily. You need to have a sense of commitment.

    Consider this. Have you ever seen Fiddler on the Roof? It's all about arranged marriages and such. And in one of the songs, a man asks his wife of 25 years if she loves him. link It's a really cute scene, but it also shows that even if they didn't necessarily love each other, commitment came first.

    My parents dated for 6 months before getting engaged to each other, and they have been together for about 27 years now. I asked my mom how they make it work, and she simply told me "We didn't see divorce as an option."

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  • I don't think it's hopeless. I know a TON of people who's marriages have lasted. My grandparents had been married like over 50-60 years before my grandpa died. And a lot of other people I know have been married that long or longer.

    Also one thing my dad told me that I think is gonna help me when I get married, is to never go into a marriage with the mindset that 'if it doesn't work out we'll get a divorce'; go into it with the mindset that 'we're gonna do whatever we can to make this work, no matter what'.

    The vows you say when you get married really do mean something and I think a lot of people just don't understand that nowadays and that's one reason marriages don't work out.

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  • I think people just get divorced instead of trying to work things out. Like, if I really loved someone and was married and had kids with them, and they admitted that they cheated on me - for whatever reason, then it can be talked about and worked through. I think getting a divorce should be the very last thing on any married couples mind. Also - we now live in a celebrity culture, and celebrities get divorced and remarried all the time. It is becoming the norm. So I don't think it's hopeless, I think that people just need to grow up and realize that relationships are NEVER perfect - that you're supposed to fight, that your spouse is going to make a mistake, and SO WILL YOU (not necessarily cheating, but you know, there are other things), and that forgiveness and working through conflict only makes your bond stronger.

    That said, if you find someone who truly loves you and is strong and mature and willing to go through the "worse" part of marriage with you, which is what you're supposed to do - then it's more hopeful than anything else.

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  • I know how you feel, my parents are now separated and are getting a divorce after 22 years of marriage, I found messages in my dad's phone from the same whore he cheated on my mom with two times before, I quickly called my mom at work for her to come home (we found out 3 months ago he was cheating and my mom gave him another chance, he had also cheated on her with the same woman 10 years ago) and now they are finally getting a divorce. My heart broke realizing my parents didn't make it, and it scares me about what will happen with me and my future husband.

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    • I'm so sorry that happened to you and your mom. My sympathy goes out to you. She definitley didn't deserve that.

    • Thanks very much, this time around it wasn't so surprising and hurtful as it was the first two times, my mother is happier than ever, she says now a heavy load has been lifted from her shoulders not having to worry about my dad coming home late or worrying constantly if he's with the bitch. We'll be fine :) thank you.

  • I don't actually think there's anything wrong with divorce. A lot of people expect to be married to the same person for their whole lives but that's a quite a long time. People grow apart, start focusing on other things, or just realize eventually that they would be happier with a different life style. Divorce doesn't always mean that the marriage failed, sometimes it just means that two people who were happy together for a very lon time are ready to move on in a mature respectful manner.

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  • no I think it's just that people have crazy expectations and lie to themselves that they have been met before they get married, lots of people claim they married the wrong person.

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  • A lot of people don't understand what's involved in a marriage until they are in it. There are responsibilities they don't consider because they think its enough to be in love. Once they were a happy couple living in their own homes until they start sharing space and realize each others habits go from amusing to annoying.

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