Why does marriage seams like jail for you?

I really want to ask this for You that believe that get marriage will put you in a jail. Why do you believe that? Man and Woman.

We can always get divorce If don't work out, So What it is that make our generation ( including me ) so worried about loosing all this heartless freedom sex out there?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are ignoring some VERY important issues. Go talk to some people who have been divorced, especially if there were children involved, and you'll start to figure a lot of it out.

    Marriage isn't just about love and commitment to a relationship. It is also a legal business contract, with some VERY significant responsibilities and liabilities, especially if you have any assets or liabilities going into the marriage.

    A few examples:

    A guy I used to work with was married with two daughters. His wife met another guy and decided she liked him better, so she moved in with him and took the girls. She filed for divorce and got custody of the kids, which meant not only alimony, but also child support.

    Now the background: when they were getting married, he was working in IT, and she was going to school to be a nurse. After she graduated, she got pregnant and never started working, so he worked two jobs and over 7 years paid off her student loans, as well as all the expenses for the family. His wife moved out very soon after he'd paid them off. She took the new car and left him the house and the old car. Her support payments were based on the differences between their income, so she ended up getting 3/4 of his after-tax paycheck between alimony and child support, so of course he couldn't keep the house, and there was no equity in it so he couldn't sell it; he had to let it be foreclosed on, affecting ONLY his credit.

    And so now, he rents a room in someone's house and eats bologna and ramen noodles and prays his car will start in the morning, while his ex works part-time under the table and has his $1900/month support payments to play with. She buys the girls thrift-store clothes and uses the money for shopping, vacations with her new boyfriend, and a new car for herself. Did I mention she moved out-of-state, so he doesn't even get to see his daughters?

    Another example: a guy a know had a girlfriend who got very sick. She couldn't get medical coverage with her diagnosis, so they got married so they could put her on his plan. Nine months later, she died. He is now responsible for over $80K of her past non-medical debt (mostly school loans) plus another $25K in medical expenses.

    And I knew a girl who had inherited $250K when her grandfather died. She had the money in their joint account because they were planning to buy a house. Her husband packed up and left her and drained the bank account, and there was nothing she could do as it was a joint account and he had full rights to whatever money was in there.

    I'm not even going to get into the issues of children and fighting over them in the divorce, having strange people helping raise them (often very undesirable people), and all the issues surrounding that. Marriage is VERY complicated, and people who don't look at it like a business contract are making a HUGE mistake.

    It would be VERY different if the government wasn't involved.

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    • You really scared me. I know It seams that We woman will all be about the money after marriage. But That's one of the reasons I want to have a special contract, probably no child , but Still want to get married one day. Not because of laws issues but LOVE.

      This stories are so frustaring even for me, But I really hope that this two guys had enought love to make theses crazy marriages worth it.

    • I don't think most women are "just about the money", and sometimes women get screwed by divorce too. But I *have* seen, many times, when a couple is getting divorced, there is always a "friend" who tells the girl "You need to take him for every penny you can. You're gonna need it, and why should you suffer anyway?" And most of the time, the woman listens and screws the guy, because that's the easiest thing for her to do.

    • And people are WAY too casual about getting married because they're too casual about divorce. If I ever get married, it will be a one-time thing. There's no reason to marry otherwise.

What Guys Said 8

  • LOL "we can always get divorced" Oh and you can take half my sh*t to right,as well as half my retirement? Are you f***ing mad? Because no one trusts each other, and the more sex you have, the higher the chances of divorce will be. It destroys the idea of a family unit, and people can just pop kids out with out fathers or mothers, and what does society go to after? All you have is a bunch of f***ed up kids who later go on to become drug dealers, gang bangers, or some other f*** up. Not to say that is everyone, but it usually goes that way. Marriage-with people who are like I defined earlier- is living in fear. They change after marriage, and can leave with half your sh*t. Women get the benefits, men get the short end of the stick. A lot of men have come to hate feminism for this reason. Entitlements, not 'equal responsibility'/Punishment.

    I'd rather be with a girl who was a virgin and be with her till death, than sleep with a skank who can't keep her pants on and f***s every dude in town and doesn't care about anything, or anyone, including herself. Bad judgments make for a bad wife/girlfriend.

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    • I don't want Kid, just saying. And people are different. Women are different. And I do belive that sex make people together, it's part (good part) of the realtionship, IF you don't have sex, just let it go.

      Sex is a glue, or part of the glue . Thanks to your opinion.

    • if you don't want kids, then sleep around all you want, marriage won't last for you unless you plan to be monogamous. Sex isn't what holds people together entirely though. As statistics have shown, the more partners a person has had, the higher the risk of marriage failure later on. after 1-2 people its 50% and declines there on. 0 partners is 80% success. it says a lot. Sex isn't bad, but it shouldn't be given like a commodity to every person, unless you have no plan on a family.

  • Have you ever split up every belonging that you have..right down to the last pot & pan, paperclip & calendar? When I was younger I wanted to play the field and marriage would indeed have felt like jail...but when older...then I am fine with marriage...17 years and counting...(:(:(:

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    • Thanks for your opinion man. I am glad to see that there are people beliving in marriage :)

  • it's all about the money, honey.

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    • Well I want to belive that isn't about the money, money, money. Let's pretend we still belive in love.

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    • It was just a question. Relax. I don't blame you to think so many bad things about marriage. And I still belive that marriage is a bad decision for women too. This post MrOracle is a good post, and I am very sorry for those guys, but sh*t happens, and good marriage contracts can solve, For those who want to get marriage with limits, and divorce already planed, I mean why not? Shit Happens right?

    • i'm completely relaxed.

      it's not about planning a divorce, it's about protecting your assets.

  • Women expect to marry a man who makes more money than them, just like they expect to marry a man taller than them. Basic requirement.

    Which mean the man gets royally screwed in divorce, because he likely has to pay spousal support/alimony, on top of losing 50% of everything gained during the marriage, even if it's a private 401k coming straight out of his check before he cashes it.

    So, divorce is a fine option for women. Not so for men.

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  • then don't get married simple as that lady if you don't want to be with someone or feel imprisoned don't get married.

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  • Because divorce when you have kids is a mess, and men in particular expect to be screwed over in the process.

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  • There's plenty of commitment issues...

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  • I know many broke men with rich wives. I'm young but I've learned from watching other guy's mistakes. Never will you see me on one knee holding a ring out to a woman, I will never ever let another person have that kind of power over me.

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    • I wish you luck and a beautiful amazing and smart girl mot make you fall in love. I was just like you about a guy (of course), but guess what? Shit happens all the time, and We fall in love and can't stop dreaming (pretty cliche, I know)

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    • I asked the question because I am confused too. For me getting married IS THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER. I guess I didn't make it clear. What I want is people convince me to give up about marriage or not give up. And til now this question has beeing giving me intersting opinions.

    • I don't think you need to give up the idea of marriage, it's a great thing if it works out. Why is getting married the biggest deal ever to you though? Is it just a big deal if a guy asks you or is it something you crave and want someday?

What Girls Said 9

  • I think it's already been pointed out, divorce is definitely not a easy task. Things get messy in most cases. Some people also just don't see the purpose of marriage in modern day society or feel like they want to make that sort of commitment. I still very much believe in marriage and would want to get married. I know plenty of young people (guys and girls) who are also keen on marriage. We live in a very distorted society right now where sexuality is seen as very important and almost like some sorta right. Young people want everything now immediately. They don't want to wait on things and funnily enough not being able to wait is actually a sign of a lower intelligence. The lower your intelligence the more inclined you'll be to not be able to control yourself sexually. Marriage will seem like a jail to people who don't want to make that commitment and want to be able to easily say "hey sorry love it's over" and onto the next partner. It's much more difficult to get out of a marriage than a relationship.

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  • That's not a good mindset to have. "Let's get married and just divorce if it doesn't work out." Divorce shouldn't be seen as an option. There should be a sense of commitment there.

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  • im not against marriage , I'm equally not against divorce. at all.

    most people want to believe u'll be together for ever. they can get psycho if it doesn't work out, & you want to leave. I don't want to get into all of that. but if this was a country where divorce wasn't looked down upon id be fine with marriage.

    u know if you could be married for a while, then get divorced be friends, ud be nice& chill.

    its too much pressure feeling like it must work, forever. not everything does. life changes.

    the time I actually have with someone now, in the present. matters way more to me, tan what's 'supposed' to happen in the future.

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    • Thanks to answer and I agree! It does seams like Now it has to be ever after, nothing can goes wrong. But wharever Shit happens all the time. People change, we change, so, I feel like its complicated to ask my boyfriend to marry me, or him doing that...

      But at other time, If it happens I would be happy to be with a person I love, and We can Always marry with some specific laws, understand? Like limits for divorce issues...

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    • I wish I still lived in a fantasy world lol

    • If being rational, is fantastical to you, then your wish came true. You still live in a fantasy world. Fantasy/ delusional. Same difference.

  • Screw that, Never getting married. I feel sorry for the bastard that has to marry me.

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  • I don't think it's jail at all. I have been with my now husband 12 years and married 5, I love our relationship, this anniversary we are even going zip lining.

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  • I don't want to get married

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  • getting a divorce is not as easy at it seems. let alone if you already have children.

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  • Marriage is based on family, God created family and said go multiply . Marriage is secrete so you better know what you're doing , You don't suppose to get married to get divorce . Marriage was also based upon sex , So back in the day you wasn't going to have sex until marriage . Now everything is all messed up , People jump from this person to the next and don't give a care about their family.

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  • i wonder the same thing, I want to get married one day

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