My boyfriend made some huge steps at once here, strongly need some advice

He asked me to marry him last night, at his fathers birthday. It's a bit early, we've only been together for a year, but it's still great I want to marry him.

He also had some other stuff planned though. He said he had job in Hartford for next year after he will be done with school. We currently live in Seattle. He also inherited a house there and he wants us to move there. He said I could transfer to one of the Universities.

That's a lot at once. I currently live with my parents. His parents are very wealthy mine are not, which means they can't support me if I should move out. It would be the first time I move out from home, the first time I live with a guy, obviously the first time I'll be married, he is my first boyfriend. And on top of that I'll move to the other side of the country and will depend completely on him.

Obviously he had some time to think about this, I didn't and he is expecting an immediate response. I just don't really know what I want

It's not that I don't trust him, but this would be a whole lot of firsts. I would give up a lot and I'm just wondering what if he doesn't work out? I don't know what to tell him without hurting his feelings


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can't say that there are any guarantees here, sweetie. Life's a gamble. If you think the foundation of your relationship is solid enough to withstand distance and proximity, rough "patches" that stretch across a decade, the libido-sucking roller coaster that IS the process of child-bearing, PTA-chasing activities requiring you to be both the rock of gibraltar for your family AND the lady who rocks you guy's world as needed, then go ahead and roll the dice. There's no guarantee you'll strike a perfect seven every night, but the odds are on your side if you have REAL LOVE at the foundation.

    All those little things you think are annoying but tolerable? You'll see those daily...FOR...EV...ER. All those little digs you might get from his friends and family? They're like a drippy faucet hitting the same spot on your skull for an eternity.

    Yes, there's sunshine and rainbows, but those are in between the storms. Know yourself and your man well and don't expect or demand perfection.

    IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GIVING UP TOO MUCH, DON'T DO IT.

    Give yourself...AND your guy the breathing space you seem to need.

    My husband -- excuse me, EX HUSBAND -- was so wound up about losing me (because we were both getting ready to move in different directions) that he asked me to marry him. I said "Yes" based on our feelings, but without the knowledge that the future would hold some desperate days beyond anything I could have imagined. Liking the guy is not good enough. Hanging with him for a year...or two... or more is not enough. You need to KNOW what your five- and ten-year plans are. Even then, as I said, the dice will roll out as they will, and Murphy's Law always prevails.

    If you think I'm being too pessimistic, ask for a show of hands from the guys who are goign through identity crises struggling through this economy to make things work for their families. Ask the women who are going through identity crises because now THEY have work and their hubbies don't. Ask all the folks who can't get things going in the bedroom from sheer exhaustion (but not lack of creativity or advisement). Weigh it all out carefully. Listen to all the wonderful love stories and talk to the couples who made it through 50 years of marriage; talk to the couples who split after a year -- or a month -- and above all talk to your preacher/spiritual counselor and TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED to make this decision. "What God has put together, let no man tear asunder." And believe me, the whole friggin world is poised and ready to tear you asunder from before the rings are on your fingers.

    Love and live. Good luck. I'll say a prayer for you in church tomorrow. :-)

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What Guys Said 1

  • Well there's not much for us to answer really, you said it yourself that you don't know what you want. Just take time to really think about your thoughts and feelings.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... This is a tough one *think think think*.. IDK, I guess you have to think about how much you actually trust this guy, even then.. no one is perfect so he'll probably let you down sometimes (you'll let him down too). I don't know how safe I'd feel depending on someone who's not a family member :\ It could work but I think I'd def. get myself a good job while with him just in case things don't work.. You need to be able to support yourself anyway, you can't really trust anyone as much as you can trust yourself. I hope it works out for you! :)

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